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🤔 What CHALLENGE(s) Are YOU Facing RIGHT NOW?
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Grief & Loss Team 🤎🤗
My challenge now is going through stuff no longer needed to make room for my adult daughter who will be moving back home and needs the space for her bedroom things...I just got through with going through my husbands things and donating to a worthy cause along to family members who wish for certain items...Trying to get my financial house in order as my life is different now since husbands passing...I thought it was all said and done but the loose ends keep on coming out .the paper work and confirmation of things for correctness and follow through seems to elude me...Hopefully it will right itself out soon...Keeping current in all things is important so it doesn't get lost in communication of day to day living..Looking forward to the Spring to see the burst of life appearing outside everywhere...Easter a time of rebirth of life...
Kudos for you to get through all of your husband's things. That is a huge undertaking and you got it done!
The financial pieces are crucial, but sometimes they seem like some kind of puzzle. Pieces seem like they are fitting together and then some odd piece surfaces from nowhere. Keeping current is essential and we do the best we can.
You are accomplishing a lot and spring is coming!
My mother passed away on 1/20. I think my biggest challenge right now is the ability to look in the mirror. I mean, I've always known I look like my mom, but now, good gravy, with her passing all I can see is her in the mirror staring back at me. I guess a positive spin would be I'll always be able to see her, but for now, not so much.
I'm so sorry that you are facing the challenges of losing a parent (your Mom). I too have had a strong resemblance to my Mom and it has only gotten stronger as I have gotten older. I like your positive spin that you will always be able to see her when you look in the mirror and I may try that out when I look in the mirror. I think I can do that now after four years and hopefully you will too in time.
Hi, Nicole, I read your post about hopefully your bills will go down. Maybe that is true for food and other items related to being only one person. However, I have found that many other items will stay the same, like rent, mortgage, real estate taxes, property taxes, regardless of only being one. In addition to that, unless you have a dependent living with you, you will be taxed as single and get half the Federal standard deduction. There is also impact on the state level depending what state you live in and if they have an income tax. Sobering fact, which many don't know until they file the first year after their spouse passed.
2 comments (2/7/23) Lack of healthy sleep due to neighbors from hell has been a challenge for this old lady. Lol, it is like you are already drained from thinking and grieving. But another kindred spirit from our AWESOME AND CARING Grief & Loss Forum reminded me last night via chat that soon I will have enough saved and Florida Housing will stabilize. Oh yes, NO more shared walls or parking lots for me. Thank you Lee @LeeS4949 for that reminder. Now to hang on to my GOAL of leaving Virginia and my cute Studio Apartment heading to a cute Small Cottage in Florida and in same state as my only child. My best friend! Luv you ALL, Nicole 🤗🤎
You are very welcome Nicole. I always look at the positives in life,I've found that doing that helps build a barrier of sorts against all of those uncaring and self absorbed people out there who always seem to emerge and creep into our lives. What you dream of WILL happen!
It's been a rough weekend and yes they can be lonely. There was heavy rain the past two mornings that prevented me from going out. I really need to get out the door in the morning to start my day. Finally some sun this afternoon so I could take a nature walk and go food shopping. On the positive side, there was a beautiful rainbow yesterday morning and I bumped into people today who smiled and/or said hello. 🙂
Hi, Nicole and all who posted comments or read each other's comments on this topic. Yes, I agree with the sentiments shared even after a year of grieving. I remember that someone responded earlier and said they had similar feelings after 5 years. I guess we have to try to find a peaceful life with no regrets and feelings of self-worth. Those goals in and of themselves are hard to attain and may take some time to adjust. As I mentioned earlier, my biggest challenge has been the polarity of loneliness and also toxic relationships. I guess when one is lonely it is natural to seek out others but not at the cost of your own mental and physical health. I sense that we are still vulnerable since the passing of our loved one so don't put yourself in unnecessary bad relationships or situations. Have an exit strategy when you go out or limit the time spent. With winter and various respiratory diseases, we need to concentrate on staying well. As someone already pointed out, we are now on our own caregiver. Scary thought, so maintaining health is critical. I am trying to find interests or return to prior interests so that I can relax and start becoming more at ease at home and in doing so, hope to meet new people who share my interests. That is probably doable and could be an unexpected pleasure. Good luck everyone. I know the weekends, especially with the extreme weather is a challenge. Take care of yourself. You have this forum for venting and sharing.
There are so many challenges. Practical challenges like having to call repair people. And then the hardest challenge. It has been 8+ months and I feel more in the throws of missing him than I did a few months ago. And the challenge is that my friends and family pretty much don't want to hear it anymore. They don't know how to comfort me anymore. And I totally get it. But they may have moved on but I haven't. I still need to talk about him and my pain. I am starting Grief Share again this Sunday. I really hope that helps. I need something to help. I wake up in the morning and my first thought is of him and how much I miss him. I go to bed and my last thought is also of missing him. I know my story isn't unique and I feel for each and every one of you that is also going through this terrible grief.
Hi Eileen - I can relate with the repairs. My shower curtain rod kept falling down. A handyman charges over $35 an hour. Or I could schedule time with a family member when they're not working to fix it. Or I can fix it myself. I was afraid to use a hammer on the
recently redone thin walls. So I'm trying self-stick non-damaging plastic things. The point is, such a small thing to get upset about. Then I remembered even if he were here he wouldn't have the strength to fix it anyway. Or like the check engine light on the car. My daughter and her husband are taking care of that, they are so sweet. But I hate to ask. They all have their own lives. The repairs can throw me for a loop if I let them. I guess it's the memories that he used to do the repairs. That must be why it upsets us so much. And a few little things can get big fast. I try to put things into perspective with maybe a neighbor or friend who understands, who has gone through the same things. Take care.
My family and friends want a Celebration of Life which is ok, but ifI invite all of the people who are telling me they want to come, I can't afford it.
What do I say to these people? How do I explain I can't afflord over a certain number of people?
I would be truthful and say to these people your wanting to be involved is much appreciated but at this time we can only have immediate family members due to the high cost of things. Perhaps down the line or in the near future we can get together and have a more personal celebration of life. ..Thank You for being their in our time of need...
Hi, Nicole, thank you for being so proactive. I noticed that you are a "trusted contributor" which is good for you. Does this mean that you are affiliated with AARP and that is why you have so many valuable resources? Just wondering. Keep up the good work.
1 comment (1/25/23) Well it was one of my feel sorry for myself days. But just now realized how AWESOME the folks were at my bank today. 🙂 Today was day number 2 of my famous 6am alarm going off to run errands and to be honest, thought about just laying in bed and not moving. But I got up and so GLAD I did! As the saying goes, the kindness of strangers fills us up. Luv you all, Nicole 🤎🤗
@EileenP559346 As I go into year 5 without
him, I think his birthday and anniversary of death
are the hardest days. For me, his birthday came
less then 2 weeks before he died. So those two
dates are wrapped around each other forever
for me. I can tell you it gets easier but never
easy, if that makes sense. I am best if I’m alone
on those days because I spend a lot of time in
tears. And I honor him those days especially by
doing something he enjoyed, if I can and thru
music. But it’s a very individual experience.
Prayers to you always 🙏🙏
So, yesterday was his birthday. First one without him. First one of a lifetime without him. As with Christmas and New Years the day after is worse than the actual day. I am not sure why it is like that. Yesterday my heart hurt, but today the tears are flowing more. I am trying to keep busy but everything just brings me back to him. The challenges I am facing and will continue to face are many, however I know that he (and God) gives me strength to get through. I wish all of you the strength to get through the challenges we face....>Eileen
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