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[Anonymous]

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WE cry, rejoice, talk, share!

Whatever YOU need, WE are here for YOU.

***YOU are a very SPECIAL person and WE want to hear from YOU***

Grief & Loss Team 🤗

[MarcyW882921]

I am so proud of you Cadee @Cadee2719 ! I can't imagine how hard this moving process has been for you on top of your grief. You made the hard decisions, did the work, and it sounds like the benefits are now paying off for you. Enjoy your new home in a warm and safe community! You certainly deserve it my friend.

Marcy

[Cadee2719]

 Thank You Marcy.  Thanks to the support from you, Nicole and others here, I survived.  My neighborhood is a smaller neighborhood within a larger one.  Everyone knows everyone.  They have block parties and everyone contributes and attends.  They look out for each other and their kids. It is a mixture of young and old. The Dads are out there playing with their kids and the mothers sit on blankets on the front yard and watch.  It reminds me of the small town in Pennsylvania where I grew up.  Yet, Meridian is a very active city; shops, good restaurants, and a lot of activities.  There are walking paths, bike paths and a lot of outdoor activities.   The wineries are close by and always have some entertainment taking place.  I am near Boise where there is even more to do.  Today I had to go and take my driver's test, 40 questions, you can miss 6.  ( I missed 1)   Monday, I need to go to the sheriff's department to get my new license plate.  My neighbors from California call often.  One planted a small tree in her yard in memory of me!  I told her "I just moved, I am not dead!  😂  All in all, I am happy.   I am safe.

 My friend at the cemetery said he would continue to place flowers on my husband and son's graves as long as I wanted.  He emails me at least twice a month and has been a saint.  Enough about me......your putting on a new roof??  You sound like you are one VERY BUSY woman and I am glad that you are staying involved

 in life.  I am also glad that Nicole kept her place in Virginia.  She seems to be so happy and content there.  How she continues to maintain this site boggles my mind, but she is the "glue" that holds us all together.  Be well, continue to enjoy your life and be busy.  The people I have met on this site are "special to me" and I

want only the best for all of you.  ❤️

[MarcyW882921]

The roof was finally started today. I think they have finished working for now and I am relishing the quiet!

Marcy

[Winter2024]

♻️  (1 comment)  👣👣👣  OUR JOURNEYS SO FAR!!!

WE are all at different "stages" of OUR HEALING JOURNEY.

[1] Some of us are making CHANGES that will help us to MOVE FORWARD.  👍👍👍

[2] Some of us are THINKING about things so as NOT to make any "hasty" changes that will ADD to our stress.  🙄🙄🙄

*** Everyone is invited to add THEIR journey to this discussion ***

Thanks,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

Me - Florida is on HOLD while my daughter who lives there figures out another job. She was in a Mass Surprise Same Day Layoff on 4/11/24. Lol, while I worry about her losing her home and car - I AM SO HAPPY to renew my lease for my Cute Studio Apartment in the hills here in Virginia. We will revisit my relocation AGAIN in the future!!!  👍👍👍

[Cadee2719]

I tried to reply to this yesterday and the message did not go through!  I know I have not been on site for quite a while, but do not understand why I cannot get through.

[Winter2024]

♻️  (1 comment) WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO SOMEONE WHO IS GRIEVING?  🤔  Thanks, Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

My Advice - not everyone is going to "understand" your journey, so find ways to connect with folks who do. Not everyone is going to make time for you. TREASURE THE ONES THAT DO AND THANK THEM!!!  👍

[Cadee2719]

 I think it is important to take care of the necessities.  You have to make the changes with your social security, getting credit in your name (if you did not have it), changing the names on Trusts, Wills, bank accounts, etc.  This is often not as easy as you think.  You need to take care of yourself, begin or continue your doctor's appointments, find time to rest, relax, and do the  things that make you happy.  Share with a support group your fears, needs and questions.  Make NO MAJOR DECISIONS at this time.  IGNORE criticisms and unsupportive people.  TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME.  Everyone is different; each of us heal in our own way and time.  Do not apologize for your sadness.  It takes time, it takes strength; it takes fortitude to heal and you will discover that you have all of these virtues.  Be kind to yourself. 

[Winter2024]

♻️  (1 comment)  📚  Book Title: ONE STEP AT A TIME!!!

Josh Bleill tells people he had “one bad day” while on combat patrol in Fallujah, Iraq, on October 15, 2006.  That day, an IED struck his Humvee, tearing through the vehicle and killing two of his fellow marines while severely injuring Bleill and his best friend.  He awoke five days later with to learn of the catastrophic loss of his two friends and both of his legs. Recovering physically presented a great challenge, but the mental recovery was the toughest battle. For three and a half months he never left the hospital because he didn't want people to see his injured body. In One Step at a Time, Bleill shares the story of his own personal redemption and the many life-changing moments he encountered, from his enlistment to active duty in Fallujah, through two years of intensive rehabilitation, and ultimately to his job as the community spokesman for the Indianapolis Colts. Readers will be inspired by his undying enthusiasm, infectious joy, and sense of humor as he shares his message of going forward, one step at a time.

[mc6844]

Thank you for sharing this Nicole. Combat veterans have gone through so much. Rarely do they feel sorry for themselves. 

[Winter2024]

♻️  [1 comment] WHAT HAS HELPED YOU THE MOST WITH YOUR HEALING JOURNEY?  🤔

Me - my daughter. Knowing she NEEDS me, the only parent she has left. I still have my monents, but I make an effort for her. Nicole  ‌‌🤗🤗🤗‌‌

[mc6844]

That's good Nicole that you and your daughter have each other!

[Winter2024]

♻️  [1 comment] Okay, WE are "on our way" with this year with OUR Healing Journeys. ANY 2024 PLANS?  🤔

I NO LONGER do the famous New Year's Resolutions. Why? As I AGE and take 1 Step At A Time, I have had to cancel and make NEW plans. Lol, not always fun but sometimes something BETTER comes along.  💃💃💃  So, I had planned on moving back to Florida 100%. Lol, daughter got laid off 4/11/24 there and only life KNOWS if she will get another Engineering Job there or have to relocate. So I "is" staying in Virginia. Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[mc6844]

That's good Nicole. Your daughter knows where you are.

[Winter2024]

♻️  [1 comment] WHAT HAS BEEN THE HARDEST PART OF YOUR HEALING JOURNEY?  🤔

Me - anger. Anger at NOT having the Love Ones I lost in my life as I age. 66 this year (2024). Nicole  ‌‌🤗🤗🤗‌‌

[mc6844]

I've felt that way too. It certainly isn't an easy journey. 

[Winter2024]

♻️  [4 comments] AT SOME POINT OF OUR "HEALING JOURNEY" WE ARE READY TO GET BACK OUT THERE TO SOCIALIZE. ARE YOU? Nicole  🤗🤗🤗  ‌

Me - finally "feeling" the interest to locate some PEACEFUL interactions with folks MY AGE [66 this year 2024]. Lol, had visited the local Senior Center and lost interest once I encountered I guess the member who feels she runs it. Rude and controlling. I had hoped the place would be run by the County who owns it. Guess not.

So NOW to figure out some other "possibilities" and research some other ideas [as I find them].

Nicole  ‌🤗‌

[mc6844]

Nicole, I got a chuckle when I read your post. I could just see you encountering this person, then walking out. So many groups are like that. Have you tried wildlife rescue? I think there's a whole network of people rescuing injured wildlife and getting them to rescue locations. They have people who pick up the animals. It sounds very interesting and rewarding. Just a suggestion!

[Winter2024]

Lol MC @mc6844  🤣😂  and I did "try" to be NICE to her but...

Yes, here in Cave Spring (Virginia), they do the wildlife thing.  👍

[mc6844]

Nicole, so funny! Know that I'm laughing with you, not at you. I find the wildlife rescue interesting and enjoyable to follow. It's so good those animals don't have to suffer out in the wild or be destroyed. I couldn't do much except take a pic of an injured bird, racoon etc and send it to the local rescue. They have local rescues now for every kind of animal, amazing.

[mc6844]

I'd just like to add it's not easy finding new interests. So much of our interests were tied up with people who aren't here anymore. 

[jonibee]

I came across a book that gives us insight as to how to deal with the loss of loved ones and pets. It's titled "The Love Never Ends" by Sunny Dawn Johnson ..Well worth checking it out....

[Winter2024]

Jonibee @jonibee , where did you get YOUR copy?  Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[jonibee]

I believe it was from Thrift Books.com .Another great place is the Salvation Army but you have to delve into looking ...

[Winter2024]

Marcy @MarcyW882921 , hmmm - do you mean setting up the home you shared with a luv one who passed?

In your case, your husband.

[1] The challenge is the bedroom deciding whether to keep the bed you BOTH slept in. Are you keeping yours? I tend to want "reminders" gone - not things like pictures, just furniture.

[2] Another challenge is maybe the ROUTINE you may have had with him. Maybe a garden, or sitting on a porch for morning coffee or watching TV in the evenings. Now the garden can be THERAPY as we can continue to work in it to "honor" him. As far as TV programs - that one is "emotional" and stepping away for some time helped.

Not sure what you are needing but this is my 2 cents worth.

Luv you STRONG AND DETERMINED lady!!! Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[MarcyW882921]

Thanks Nicole @Winter2024 for weighing in on this topic. All of us are unique as individuals and therefore in our responses to grief.

One of the presenters in the webinars talked about how the minute your loved one passes away your life is changed. The people in this forum certainly know this is true. I think we have discussed the change in one's identity, the search for who you are without that person, and finding one's purpose in life.

Another change is our perception of our living space. Are you comfortable there without your loved one? Can you continue to live there? Are changes needed to improve your comfort level? Is there a desire to "make it your own" reflecting your personal tastes?

I have been very comfortable in my home because I feel love and a presence. I did however do a remodeling of two rooms that we had planned together. I did make selections in the process that reflected my personal tastes. Recently I changed some window treatments and bedspreads that create an even happier place for me.

All the best to everyone who is working through all of these issues.

Marcy

[MarcyW882921]

So...I would be interested in hearing about anyone's journey to create a living space of your own after the loss of a loved one.

Marcy

[mc6844]

Marcy, that is a good topic. Arranging living space is a great way to move oneself forward. Especially if I'm not up to conventional ways like for instance, moving. A counselor pointed out to me that selling my home may feel like another loss. Something that hadn't occurred to me. I did get clutter cleared from my kitchen. Painted the walls. It makes it easier and pleasant. 

[MarcyW882921]

Thanks mc @mc6844 . That is interesting about selling your home being another potential loss. The easier and pleasant changes you made must have felt good! All of this is beneficial information for us on this forum.

Marcy

[mc6844]

Thank you Marcy. You brought up a good topic. Getting stored stuff in my kitchen cupboards cleared was a big job. During the illness I didn't have the time or energy. My neighbor helped me to haul bags of stuff. I was out in the driveway with all this stuff and they offered a hand. Lol I think they were sorry they asked. I also cleared a sunroom. But don't enjoy sitting there like I thought. All in all, my place feels lighter and is easier to clean and manage. I have a very small space. It's fine. We downsized quite some time ago. I also have an owl outside though always out of site. It feels lighter removing items like cups and bowls and items utilized during the illness. New curtains, pillows for couch, coat of fresh paint in kitchen. New kitchen towels, soup bowls and a few dishes. To help food be more appetizing. We can create new where we are. 

[Winter2024]

Yes MC @mc6844 , replacing "small" items/downsizing has really helped me to kind of have a NEW routine.

My daughter "keeps" stuff. Gosh, she will need to rethink her townhouse by the time she gets to my age = will be NO room.

I am very contented in my CUTE Studio Apartment but need to move it offgrid. Tired of my neighbors. So that is priority for when my lease expires. Need peace and quiet in my Old Age.

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗