The Love Knot

[SueS788527]

I am facing 4 major milestones in the next few weeks.  My husband’s birthday, weeks of his significant medical decline, what would have been our 50th wedding anniversary, and my husband’s death 2 years ago.  Wow, no wonder I have been in a funk now for several weeks.  His passing and loss have left a huge void in my heart as I continue to try to build my new solo life and identity.  It recently dawned on me that this feeling is “natural” given that we were intertwined in our own “love knot.”  It cannot unravel nor should it.  For me it is a gentle and warm memory of what has been much of my life.  I learned to rely on my husband’s strengths, just as he did with my strengths, forming an effective team of support and trust, naturally.  We were Ying and Yang.  It is therefore not surprising that I feel half a person, searching for his strengths.  That is daunting.  However, I am looking at new challenges now with broader insight.  How would my husband handle certain matters, new to me.  I am adopting his style and approach in my own way, and it is working if I give myself time and space.  With patience and lower expectations (not 100%), I am succeeding in small ways which gives me peace of mind and is rebuilding self-reliance and with-it self-confidence.  As I previously wrote in our Grief Forum blog, this journey is a marathon not a sprint. We are all winners as we keep on this path, helping and providing support to each other.  We are not alone which makes the journey more tolerable. Please remember that.  Your friend, Sue

[mc6844]

Sue you are doing well. Certain things trigger the losses. It may be a car repair that he could easily handle. For us, it's overwhelming. For me the losses endured have  stayed with me. For instance I mentioned in a previous post on site that I could've sworn I was talking and laughing with my sister. Deceased over 20 yrs. I was actually talking with someone else. The grieving and missing is still there.

The loss of a husband is deeply personal. I'm quite sure they know what we go through from where they are now. Everyone is somewhere. And a lot closer than you could think! We're all led to our own individual peace. All those years and times shared prevents memories and accomplishments in your family from being splintered. A foundation for what's to come. We all have a future somewhere. God is always walking with you, not just walking beside you. 

[BeatleloverKT]

@SueS788527 I, too have just been thru all that 

in the last month, minus the anniversary. His BD is always hard and his death anniversary is less than two weeks later. Five years this year and I found

out how fragile I still am. You are doing remarkably 

well for how long it’s been. I wish you strength 

and resolve as you go thru this extremely 

difficult time. Thank you for sharing 💜

[mc6844]

And thank you too Beatle for sharing your vulnerability.