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Re: My Husband of 48 years died May 2.

Message 1 of 4

Hi Annie,

I am so very sorry for your lose.  My heart goes out to you as I am in the same boat.  I lost my beloved husband on May 2, 2018 and the pain is unbearable.  I cannot complain about his doctor, because for 23 years he did erverything he could for my wonderful husband.  He was always in a lot of pain because he only had one good disc left in his back and arthritis in his spine.  His main health issue was COPD.  He served 22 years in the military and did two tours in Vietnam and was exposed to agent orange.  My hero received two purple hearts and three bronze stars for valor.  Every time he got sick he would tell me he wasgoing to get better and be with me for a long time, but this last bout with pneumonia was too much for him to fight.  The last year he was on oxygen 24/7 and a mobility scooter, but could only get out to make his doctors appointments.  I did everything for him and he appreciated every little thing.  We talked and joked and watched tv together.  He was my life and I don't know how to go on withiout him.  The days are long and dreary.  We live in Oklahoma, but my husband was orignally from PA and I was born and raised in New Jersey.  I lived in Succasunna.  I pray that in time both of our hearts will begin to heal.


God Bless



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AARP Expert

Re: My Husband of 48 years died May 2.

Message 2 of 4

@jshaw521 Oh Annie! I'm so very sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. Be gentle with yourself. Grief is a roundabout journey and there is no one way to do it. Do what YOU need to do, not what anyone else says you "should" do and in your own time. 


One thing that many people (including myself) have found helpful when grieving is to do something to memorialize their loved ones. Something that is significant to you or was to him. I created a scholarship in my Mom's memory at a local children's theater because she had served on the board. My sister contributed to a group that built a house for a lower income family in my niece's memory. Your reference to the hose being silent made me think maybe your husband liked gardening? Maybe you could plant a tree in his honor. There is no rush or pressure, but it's something to think about.


It might also be helpful for you to post in the Grief and Loss group here in the Online Community - CLICK HERE to find that group. 


Sending you a virtual hug.


Take care,

Amy Goyer, AARP Family & Caregiving Expert

Author, Juggling Life, Work and Caregiving and

Color Your Way Content When Caring for Loved Ones



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Valued Social Butterfly

Re: My Husband of 48 years died May 2.

Message 3 of 4

I am very sorry for your loss, Anne, and all the feeling that are associated with your loss.  I remember the situation, all too well even though it has bee 12 years since my husband died.  It is not easy.


Some days you just have to put one foot in front of the other and carry on even when you don't feel like it.


I kept a journal and at (10) years out, I burned it.  If anybody had ever read it, they would have thought me mad - which I was at the time.


Time does help, inch at a time.  

I also went to a Grief Group but sometimes it was just me and the Priest conducting the group.  Other came and went as time went by.

i stayed close to others and I was also taking care of my Mom and that filled up a lot of (just) time and mind.


i cleaned too - music blaring, crying all the while.  Had to do something during all those sleepless nights.


So try to fill up your time and when you think of him, think of the fun times, not the sick times.  Those memories are yours to keep close to your heart.


Feel free to come here and post.  Or someplace else - you are not alone but each person has to walk their own path through grief - 

Life is but a journey of days - cherish the time we can share this journey with another for some length of time.



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My Husband of 48 years died May 2.

Message 4 of 4

Hi I am Joann and live in Nutley NJ for the past 15 years. My husband had been sick for a long time and doctors did nothing .

They put a band aid on the problem. The doctors never even told me how sick he really was.


Now who has to pay the price my husband.

I miss him so much. It is even hard to bresth. I muss him snoring in my ear.

I miss him going shopping for me 

I have osteoarthritis in both knees. Its hard to sit or walkfor long periods of time. We talked about different things. 

Now the hose is so still and quiet.

I dont know what to do.

I wanted a second chancd to

correct my mistakes.

I have so many regrets and cant fix them.

He was a beloved man.

I wish him well on his new journey.

Babe I will love you forever.

Annie my nickname

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