AARP Online Community and Discussion Forums - Lost my mom

StephenM594302 · ‎06-30-2025

10 years ago my mom had a heart attack and I started taking care of her. It's been an up and down path. 6 years ago we moved where we're at now hoping to be closer to family. 4 years ago her kidneys start to fail. She had to start doing dialysis. On June 8th 2025 you passed away. For the last 6 years I haven't worked I've just been taking care of her. Now I have nothing except our cats. I'm going to end up homeless losing everything. By dealing with my own mental health I'm 50 years old. I got three older brothers but they've never helped now that she's gone they just ignoring me. I feel so lost. She wasn't just my mom she was my best friend. She leaned on me and I leaned on her. now I don't know how to go forward.

SpringIsHereVA · ‎06-30-2025

Stephen @StephenM594302 , I am SO SORRY for your loss dear friend!!!

Are you maybe a member of a church? Sometimes they have groups set up to help with grieving.

What about friends or trying to find a job [when you are ready]?

Anything to provide some COMFORT while YOU HEAL.

In my "very humble" opinion, we will ALWAYS miss them. But as WE MOVE FORWARD, there are LESS TEARS.

I am here for you!!!

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

StephenM594302 · ‎06-30-2025

I'm saying a counselor and a job counselor to try to find something but times already run out. And I only have one friend and he can't help me. Just going to come down to the fact that I'm going to get evicted and me and my cats will be evicted and homeless. Kind of hard to get work when you're dealing with depression anxiety panic attacks PTSD I'm trying to get my disability but I've been denied three times already it takes time to appeal again.

JaneCares · ‎06-30-2025

Hey StephenM! SpringIsHere has great ideas. You are in a raw, scared place, and I'm so sorry all of this is happening to you. Depression tells lies: it tells you that there's no hope, no pathway out. What i know, also, is that you are grieving: even if you had plenty of money and friends, you'd be suffering the loss of your beloved mother very deeply. I'm glad you have a counselor. Is he or she part of an agency? Ask if they offer peer support, and/or case management, to help with applications for aid, while you're looking for work. Disability from Social Security is tougher than ever to get now, and I hope you can look for work even while you're appealing the denial. Your mother loved you SO MUCH, and wants you to survive and thrive. 50 is young! So much energy still to enjoy and move forward. It is totally okay and normal to crawl into a ball with your cats for a chunk of time each day. And then, you can move around the place, see if there's anything needs doing. If you don't go to a church now but you're comfortable with the idea of going, consider joining one, as often they are very supportive places, and you'd meet people. One idea. Keep posting here. We'll brain storm with you. Hang in there!

Jane

SpringIsHereVA · ‎06-30-2025

AARP Expert Jane @JaneCares , thank you SO MUCH for stopping by to support Stephen @StephenM594302 💛

SpringIsHereVA · ‎06-30-2025

Stephen @StephenM594302 , does your counselor know you are going to be evicted? Maybe they may be able to "refer" you for help with this. Emergency Shelter is what it is called in my state.

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

StephenM594302 · ‎06-30-2025

Yeah the counselor knows we've already signed up for section 8 and for emergency housing assistance but until I received the eviction notice they said they really can't help a whole lot. I'm still trying to see if I can also find work. But I'm also dealing with being sick for the last week I haven't recovered from that either.

SpringIsHereVA · ‎06-30-2025

Stephen @StephenM594302 , have you been able to see a doctor? I hope so! NOT feeling well while grieving & worrying is awful. I hope you feel better soon. Just so you know I have a cat by the name of Mister. Furbabies KNOW when we need some luv. Luv on yours Stephen, they are also missing your mom.

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

StephenM594302 · ‎06-30-2025

I have two ones name is Goldie and the other's name is bandit they're my babies and my support animals.

SpringIsHereVA · ‎06-30-2025

Stephen @StephenM594302 they NEED YOU = your reason to carry on my friend. Lol, Mister does NOT care how busy I am - he DEMANDS his "cuddle" sessions.

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

SpringIsHereVA · ‎07-01-2025

Good Morning Stephen @StephenM594302 !!!

How are YOU doing dear friend?

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

StephenM594302 · ‎07-01-2025

I'm doing okay today still dealing with being sick. It's getting better. I think I gave the fur babies too much love. They're both completely zonked out. Still no one in my family is talking to me like I did something wrong or something. 10 years of taking care of my mom with no one helping me or no one offering to help. And now they just totally ignore exist. That's one of the hardest things.

SpringIsHereVA · ‎07-01-2025

Stephen @StephenM594302 , how often are you meeting with your Counselors? With your illness, have you seen your doctor?

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

StephenM594302 · ‎07-01-2025

Right now I'm seeing the counselor once a week. I need to make an appointment to see my doctor. It's been a few months. I have to do my yearly anyways.