AARP Online Community and Discussion Forums - Re: Lost my mom - Page 2

Stephen74Utah · ‎06-30-2025

10 years ago my mom had a heart attack and I started taking care of her. It's been an up and down path. 6 years ago we moved where we're at now hoping to be closer to family. 4 years ago her kidneys start to fail. She had to start doing dialysis. On June 8th 2025 you passed away. For the last 6 years I haven't worked I've just been taking care of her. Now I have nothing except our cats. I'm going to end up homeless losing everything. By dealing with my own mental health I'm 50 years old. I got three older brothers but they've never helped now that she's gone they just ignoring me. I feel so lost. She wasn't just my mom she was my best friend. She leaned on me and I leaned on her. now I don't know how to go forward.

Stephen74Utah · ‎06-30-2025

Yeah the counselor knows we've already signed up for section 8 and for emergency housing assistance but until I received the eviction notice they said they really can't help a whole lot. I'm still trying to see if I can also find work. But I'm also dealing with being sick for the last week I haven't recovered from that either.

Winter2025VA · ‎06-30-2025

Stephen @Stephen74Utah , have you been able to see a doctor? I hope so! NOT feeling well while grieving & worrying is awful. I hope you feel better soon. Just so you know I have a cat by the name of Mister. Furbabies KNOW when we need some luv. Luv on yours Stephen, they are also missing your mom.

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

Stephen74Utah · ‎06-30-2025

I have two ones name is Goldie and the other's name is bandit they're my babies and my support animals.

Winter2025VA · ‎08-06-2025

Stephen @Stephen74Utah , how are Goldie 🐈 & Bandit 🐈? My cat Mister 🐈 sends his luv to them!!!

And how are you AT THE MOMENT my friend?

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

@Stephen74Utah wrote:
I have two ones name is Goldie and the other's name is bandit they're my babies and my support animals.

Stephen74Utah · ‎08-06-2025

They're doing good my cat Bandit is sleeping on my Mom's chair and and my cat Goldie she's sleeping in my mom's closet. 😂

Winter2025VA · ‎08-06-2025

Lol Stephen @Stephen74Utah !!! 🤣😂

Cats are very "interesting" indeed.

When do you see your Counselor(s) again?

Do you feel "ready" to maybe do a Job from Home?

I see mine for this month's session on the 21st.

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

@Stephen74Utah wrote:
They're doing good my cat Bandit is sleeping on my Mom's chair and and my cat Goldie she's sleeping in my mom's closet. 😂

Stephen74Utah · ‎08-06-2025

I have to schedule an appointment hopefully soon. The truth is I'm not ready for work but I don't really have much of a choice. So far everything I have tried has failed so as it stands unless something miraculous happens I'm going to have to be out of here soon. Oh well I guess it's a chance for a new beginning.

Winter2025VA · ‎06-30-2025

Stephen @Stephen74Utah they NEED YOU = your reason to carry on my friend. Lol, Mister does NOT care how busy I am - he DEMANDS his "cuddle" sessions.

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

Winter2025VA · ‎07-01-2025

[Wednesday 8/13/25]

Good Morning Stephen!!!

How are YOU doing dear friend?

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

@Stephen74Utah

Stephen74Utah · ‎07-01-2025

I'm doing okay today still dealing with being sick. It's getting better. I think I gave the fur babies too much love. They're both completely zonked out. Still no one in my family is talking to me like I did something wrong or something. 10 years of taking care of my mom with no one helping me or no one offering to help. And now they just totally ignore exist. That's one of the hardest things.

Winter2025VA · ‎07-01-2025

Stephen @Stephen74Utah , how often are you meeting with your Counselors? With your illness, have you seen your doctor?

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

Stephen74Utah · ‎07-01-2025

Right now I'm seeing the counselor once a week. I need to make an appointment to see my doctor. It's been a few months. I have to do my yearly anyways.

Winter2025VA · ‎07-01-2025

Stephen @Stephen74Utah , any plans for July 4th?

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

Stephen74Utah · ‎07-02-2025

I was invited on my nephew and his wife for a barbecue. I'm going to go because it'll get me out of the apartment.

Winter2025VA · ‎07-03-2025

I am glad they invited you Stephen @Stephen74Utah & you are going!!!

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

Winter2025VA · ‎08-07-2025

Good morning Stephen @Stephen74Utah , how are you AT THE MOMENT dear friend?

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

Stephen74Utah · ‎08-07-2025

My mental health is not good today. My mind has been in a very dark place all morning. Tried to find other resources that might help me but they keep falling through. I even called social security and the representative there actually took the time to search to see if there was anything that could help me but there wasn't. If it wasn't for my support kitty cats. I would have already given up. I'm just so tired. I just don't know what to do.

Winter2025VA · ‎08-07-2025

[8/11 @Stephen74Utah ]

Stephen, YES, worrying about possibly becoming homeless is VERY STRESSFUL!!!

I was homeless for 13 months right before I turned 60. I am now 67 & still worry about it happening AGAIN.

Like you, my cat & only child is what keeps me getting up EVERY DAY. Hug them & talk to them dear friend. Lol, cats certainly have their moments of letting us "hug" them. And Mister luvs to "talk" to me. With my only child being in another state, he has SAVED me from myself.

Okay, now back to YOU!!! 💛

[1] Do you have access to the internet? IF yes, Google YOUR AREA for Shelters For Men. I stayed in a Rescue Mission for 13 very long months. While there, I found a job, saved for a car & to move into my Studio Apt. And WITHOUT any help from the system. I DIDNOT "qualify" for any Housing Assistance or handouts. Lol, the $5,000.00 I saved went FAST by the time I received the keys to my apt in 2018. Still in it.

[2] The MAIN thing will be WHERE your two cats will go IF you get EVICTED "before" you find ANOTHER "safe" roof over your head. Here where I am, the LOCAL Animal Rescue will "foster" pets for people until they can take them back = AVOIDING having to surrender them. Maybe there is such a place in YOUR AREA. Maybe Google for the Animal Services or Animal Rescue.

I am here ALWAYS dear friend.

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

➡️[*** STEPHEN @Stephen74Utah wrote:
My mental health is not good today. My mind has been in a very dark place all morning. Tried to find other resources that might help me but they keep falling through. I even called social security and the representative there actually took the time to search to see if there was anything that could help me but there wasn't. If it wasn't for my support kitty cats. I would have already given up. I'm just so tired. I just don't know what to do.

Winter2025VA · ‎08-11-2025

[Wednesday 8/13/25]

Stephen, stop by when you "feel" up to chatting. I luv hearing from you my friend.

Luv,

Nicole ‌🤗‌‌🤗‌‌🤗‌ (Grief Forum)

@Stephen74Utah @Winter2025VA

Stephen74Utah · ‎08-13-2025

Well things got a little worse. Sunday night a person dropped off a court summons my mental health kind of exploded. Then on Monday I called the court and they said to call the lawyer. Basically the lawyer told me including their legal fees I need to come up with basically $2,500 both this week and next week to settle everything. I don't remember much after that I just remember hearing the phone ring and I was laying on the floor with a plastic bag over my head having a hard time breathing. I answered the phone it was a police officer I guess I must have said something to the lawyer before I hung up and he called The authority. That day I talked to a crisis counselor and then the next day I talked to my regular counselor. I'm kind of on the edge right now lost and I don't know what to do anymore.

Winter2025VA · ‎08-13-2025

Stephen @Stephen74Utah , I am COPYING our AARP Experts Amy @agoyer and Jane @JaneCares so maybe they may have a solution for you dear friend.

NO pressure to respond.

[1] Is this to do with an "eviction"?

[2] Someone NEEDS to help here.

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

➡️[*** STEPHEN

@Stephen74Utah wrote:
Well things got a little worse. Sunday night a person dropped off a court summons my mental health kind of exploded. Then on Monday I called the court and they said to call the lawyer. Basically the lawyer told me including their legal fees I need to come up with basically $2,500 both this week and next week to settle everything. I don't remember much after that I just remember hearing the phone ring and I was laying on the floor with a plastic bag over my head having a hard time breathing. I answered the phone it was a police officer I guess I must have said something to the lawyer before I hung up and he called The authority. That day I talked to a crisis counselor and then the next day I talked to my regular counselor. I'm kind of on the edge right now lost and I don't know what to do anymore.

Stephen74Utah · ‎08-13-2025

Yes basically they sent me to the lawyer and they want July's rent plus the late fee and then August plus the late fee and now the lawyers fee. I am trying to get things done get in contact with other things but I'm kind of overloaded right now... I've had a mental disability in my whole life. Comprehension, learning, dyslexia, probably a few other things I didn't know about when I was a kid. But another one is when people throw too much at me my mind gets overloaded. l'll be 51 this year. You try not to let your problems or your disabilities or anything like that stop you. one day at a time.

JaneCares · ‎08-13-2025

Hey Stephen74Utah, you are dealing with a lot all at once, and as you know, our 'system' of support for people with few resources is pretty broken. It sounds like you are doing everything right: appealing the Social Security denial, reaching out to your nephew and his family.

When your mother was still with you, what did they two of you plan for? Did she leave you any of her savings or other assets?

Since that attorney is asking for $2,500, which is a lot for most of us, I wonder if you've tried Legal Aide in Utah? (801) 328-8891 is the number. Are you by any chance part of the Church of Latter Day Saints? Those folks are extremely generous.

I hope that your counselor is part of a wider agency that can help with the paperwork, applications to programs, etc. It's overwhelming even for us social workers! and you are grieving.

Please keep writing to tell us how you are.

with great respect,

Jane

Stephen74Utah · ‎08-14-2025

Basically the money is actually more than that it's closer to $4k. Basically what that encompasses is the rent July plus late fees and August plus late fees. Top of that is the legal fees. And yes the church tried to help but the amount they were able to give is only enough for one month and the lawyers that they have will only accept the two months. I completely understand all of that. It's just if I was making 2 to $3,000 a week I wouldn't have any of these problems. Hahaha

Stephen74Utah · ‎08-31-2025

August 31st 2025 update

My babies and I are homeless now.. My cats are staying with somebody that was kind enough to watch them I'm staying at a place both are temporary then we'll be back into my vehicle. I've been abandoned, forgot and unloved by most of my family. The place I'm staying so they want to make me feel safe and give me support I feel neither of those. All I feel is sorrow, fear, loneliness, grief and depression. Being separated from my babies tearing me apart. Last night I couldn't stop thinking about my mom laying on the floor. Just ripping my heart apart. I'm so lost.

Winter2025VA · ‎08-31-2025

Dear Stephen @Stephen74Utah , I feel your pain dear friend. Now age 67, but was "homeless" right before I turned 60.

(1) What are your counselors doing to "help" you?

(2) So glad someone "kind" is fostering your furbabies. 🐈🐈🐈

Luv,

Nicole. 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

➡️[*** STEPHEN

@Stephen74Utah wrote:
August 31st 2025 update
My babies and I are homeless now.. My cats are staying with somebody that was kind enough to watch them I'm staying at a place both are temporary then we'll be back into my vehicle. I've been abandoned, forgot and unloved by most of my family. The place I'm staying so they want to make me feel safe and give me support I feel neither of those. All I feel is sorrow, fear, loneliness, grief and depression. Being separated from my babies tearing me apart. Last night I couldn't stop thinking about my mom laying on the floor. Just ripping my heart apart. I'm so lost.

Stephen74Utah · ‎08-31-2025

The counselor isn't doing anything and I just found out that he has a PHD so he's actually a doctor. Last time I talked to him was the day I became homeless he has my phone number but he hasn't bothered to even check up on me I've left him two messages. And with the holiday weekend you probably taking a 4-day weekend. I don't even have phone service other than a government phone which has extremely limited call service. But as of right now at least my fur babies and myself have roofs over our heads. They also have plenty to eat can't say the same for myself I'm broke. And this place only supplies food for dinner and that's it. One day at a time I guess

Winter2025VA · ‎08-31-2025

Stephen @Stephen74Utah , with being "homeless" you should be able to get EMERGENCY Snap benefits. Have you "applied" - where I stayed for 13 months here in Virginia (Roanoke Rescue Mission) helped with this.

Luv,

Nicole. 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

➡️[*** STEPHEN

@Stephen74Utah wrote:
The counselor isn't doing anything and I just found out that he has a PHD so he's actually a doctor. Last time I talked to him was the day I became homeless he has my phone number but he hasn't bothered to even check up on me I've left him two messages. And with the holiday weekend you probably taking a 4-day weekend. I don't even have phone service other than a government phone which has extremely limited call service. But as of right now at least my fur babies and myself have roofs over our heads. They also have plenty to eat can't say the same for myself I'm broke. And this place only supplies food for dinner and that's it. One day at a time I guess

Stephen74Utah · ‎09-01-2025

I'm already getting snaps but it doesn't refresh itself until the 11th. I can try to get a hold of them and see if there's some kind of emergency to go with it and maybe some other things like the financial aid.

Winter2025VA · ‎09-01-2025

Hi Stephen @Stephen74Utah , if you are already receiving SNAPS, you will NOT get more. I know from being homeless myself, eating WITHOUT a kitchen GETS EXPENSIVE as you are buying "prepared" food = NO cooking required.

Are there any CHURCHES or maybe the Salvation Army NEAR you?

In my area, they provide breakfast - lunch & dinner for anyone who NEEDS IT.

What are you needing the Financial Aid for? Depending on your "reason" = some may be available to you.

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

➡️[*** STEPHEN

@Stephen74Utah wrote:
I'm already getting snaps but it doesn't refresh itself until the 11th. I can try to get a hold of them and see if there's some kind of emergency to go with it and maybe some other things like the financial aid.