AARP Online Community and Discussion Forums - Re: Lost my mom

Stephen74Utah · ‎06-30-2025

10 years ago my mom had a heart attack and I started taking care of her. It's been an up and down path. 6 years ago we moved where we're at now hoping to be closer to family. 4 years ago her kidneys start to fail. She had to start doing dialysis. On June 8th 2025 you passed away. For the last 6 years I haven't worked I've just been taking care of her. Now I have nothing except our cats. I'm going to end up homeless losing everything. By dealing with my own mental health I'm 50 years old. I got three older brothers but they've never helped now that she's gone they just ignoring me. I feel so lost. She wasn't just my mom she was my best friend. She leaned on me and I leaned on her. now I don't know how to go forward.

Stephen74Utah · ‎12-02-2025

Well I made it through Thanksgiving barely. Now I have to make it through my birthday on the 11th, Christmas and my mom's birthday on June 15th. Things haven't gotten better. Factors of gotten worse. My cat and I have now been separated for two and a half months. My vehicle broke down. I won't get any money for food until the 11th. My family is just ignoring me now completely. Have lost hope. Sorry. Thank you everyone for your kind words.

Winter2025VA · ‎12-02-2025

Dear Stephen @Stephen74Utah , I am so sorry to hear about all this!!! Are there any churches nearby that you can get some food from?

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

➡️[*** STEPHEN

@Stephen74Utah wrote:
Well I made it through Thanksgiving barely. Now I have to make it through my birthday on the 11th, Christmas and my mom's birthday on June 15th. Things haven't gotten better. Factors of gotten worse. My cat and I have now been separated for two and a half months. My vehicle broke down. I won't get any money for food until the 11th. My family is just ignoring me now completely. Have lost hope. Sorry. Thank you everyone for your kind words.

Stephen74Utah · ‎12-03-2025

Problem is I no longer feel like I'm worthy. I'm at the point where I just feel it's time to give up and end this life.

Winter2025VA · ‎12-03-2025

Stephen @Stephen74Utah , your cats need you.

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

➡️[*** STEPHEN

@Stephen74Utah wrote:
Problem is I no longer feel like I'm worthy. I'm at the point where I just feel it's time to give up and end this life.

Stephen74Utah · ‎12-03-2025

I've had to accept I'll never see them again. They're at a place called four paws. Things just keep getting worse and worse. Now that the holidays are here it's just getting even more worse. I'm just so tired.

Winter2025VA · ‎12-03-2025

Stephen @Stephen74Utah , maybe they will allow you to "visit" them.

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

➡️[*** STEPHEN

@Stephen74Utah wrote:
I've had to accept I'll never see them again. They're at a place called four paws. Things just keep getting worse and worse. Now that the holidays are here it's just getting even more worse. I'm just so tired.

Stephen74Utah · ‎12-03-2025

Sadly they won't and I haven't seen them now for two and a half months. I'm trying to hold on. But it seems that everyone who says they care have started to turn their backs on me. Nobody wants to talk to me. My mom is older brother was put into a care home and I can't even talk to him now. I'm just hungry and tired. I'm going to try to get some sleep.

JaneCares · ‎12-04-2025

Hey there, Stephen. So you are in Utah, I take it. Are you by any remote chance LDS? One thing that is absolutely sure is that Mormons take excellent care of their own. That's one thought.

Another is, you've been hospitalized a couple of times. I am so sorry you are having so much grief and depression, and that you are also unhoused. AND your car broke down. AND its winter. AND you miss your cats. So, you are literally try to build your life up from zero. Well, you have a broken car so that is some kind of shelter. I do hope you get SNAP "food stamps". But you get them on the 11th? In a week? You have access to internet, thus you are writing us. Can you search for your town and 'food pantry'? The food pantries i know (in Oregon) can also direct people to a hot meal or free sandwich, usually.

When you are hospitalized and then discharged, the discharging physician is supposed to give you an outpatient plan of care that should include, in your situation, a clinic to follow up with to treat your depression. I'm assuming you have some sort of medicaid (https://medicaid.utah.gov/contact/). Which means that the mental health clinic that takes medicaid also provides "information and referral" to other services, like housing and food.

It's a lot of work to mobilize yourself when you are depressed, hungry, and broke. A LOT of work. And I wish that weren't true. But you can make a decision to go get some help: you might have to walk. Or get on a bus and ask them how to get to the mental health center, or the social services offices.

I hope you don't give up on yourself, on hope, and on the possibility of a new chapter in your life, Stephen. You are a young man, still. 50 years old means you have a lot of time left to revisit things you used to do, jobs you could return to, perhaps. It will take work. And then, in a couple of years, you can look back and see, wow, I've come a long way, and I'm in a good place, now.

Whaddya say?

We are rooting for you.

Jane

DarrylL35959 · ‎12-04-2025

Hi @Stephen74Utah , Thank you for sharing how you’re feeling. I’m really glad you reached out. It sounds like you’re going through an incredibly difficult time, and you don’t have to navigate that alone.

To make sure we can support you appropriately and connect you with the right resources, I’m going to send you a direct message. Please check your inbox so we can continue this conversation privately.

If you’re in immediate danger or feel you may harm yourself, please contact 988 right now. They’re available 24/7 and can provide immediate support.

Winter2025VA · ‎12-03-2025

Stephen @Stephen74Utah , I am so sorry about all this my friend. I have asked AARP to ask their AARP Experts Amy @agoyer and Jane @JaneCares IF they have any "suggestions" for you. I am hoping they will stop by.

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

➡️[*** STEPHEN

@Stephen74Utah wrote:
Sadly they won't and I haven't seen them now for two and a half months. I'm trying to hold on. But it seems that everyone who says they care have started to turn their backs on me. Nobody wants to talk to me. My mom is older brother was put into a care home and I can't even talk to him now. I'm just hungry and tired. I'm going to try to get some sleep.

Stephen74Utah · ‎10-29-2025

Hello I'm still around. Still dealing with the grief. I've been homeless now for two months and I've been separated from my cats going to be six weeks. I have a cats staying at a foster care place so I'll be able to get them back. I've been in the hospital four times for my mental health. I'm holding in right now. Still no help for my family.

LindaW335461 · ‎11-26-2025

Hi Stephen, Sending good thoughts your way. Have you ever tried any 12 step programs? There's a million programs for everything- not just for alcohol. Maybe Debtor's Anonymous or Underearners Anonymous can help you if you think they fit. There's also Adult Children of Alcoholics, if you've had any ACA and/or dysfunction in your family. Many people in ACA and the other 12 step programs have mental health issues or their family has them. I just think 12 step programs are amazing, and they're free for the most part. Tons of resources, and tons of different people to help so you can find the right fit.

Winter2025VA · ‎11-26-2025

Linda @LindaW335461 , thank you SO MUCH for stopping by to "support" OUR Stephen!!!

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

➡️[*** LINDA

@LindaW335461 wrote:
Hi Stephen, Sending good thoughts your way. Have you ever tried any 12 step programs? There's a million programs for everything- not just for alcohol. Maybe Debtor's Anonymous or Underearners Anonymous can help you if you think they fit. There's also Adult Children of Alcoholics, if you've had any ACA and/or dysfunction in your family. Many people in ACA and the other 12 step programs have mental health issues or their family has them. I just think 12 step programs are amazing, and they're free for the most part. Tons of resources, and tons of different people to help so you can find the right fit.

LindaW335461 · ‎11-27-2025

Thanks so much Nicole!! Happy Thanksgiving

Winter2025VA · ‎11-27-2025

You are welcome dear Linda @LindaW335461 & thank you for the Thanksgiving wishes my friend!!!

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

➡️[**** LINDA

@LindaW335461 wrote:
Thanks so much Nicole!! Happy Thanksgiving

Winter2025VA · ‎10-29-2025

Dear Stephen @Stephen74Utah , you are doing the "best" you can dear friend. SO GLAD your babies are safe!!!

Luv,

Nicole. 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

➡️[*** STEPHEN

@Stephen74Utah wrote:
Hello I'm still around. Still dealing with the grief. I've been homeless now for two months and I've been separated from my cats going to be six weeks. I have a cats staying at a foster care place so I'll be able to get them back. I've been in the hospital four times for my mental health. I'm holding in right now. Still no help for my family.

agoyer · ‎08-13-2025

@Stephen74Utah I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your mom and the subsequent challenges you're going through. Thank you for everything you did for your mom - you sacrificed a lot to do so, and I'm sure she was grateful.

It sounds like you are experiencing very difficult grief - your best friend has passed on, and you've also lost the role as her caregiver. Have you received any grief counseling? I'd highly urge you to try to get some 1:1 counseling if possible. Do you have health insurance? Medicaid? If so then you should be able to find a counselor who knows how to help with grief. In addition, you could to a free grief support group - either in your local area or virtually online. One option is to check into www.griefshare.org - Griefshare offers free grief support groups both in person (you can do a zip code search for your area on their website) or virtual group meetings online.

Another option is to call the funeral home that handled your mothers' remains and ask if they have a list of local grief support groups.

In addition, you're struggling with finding a place to live and not having an income. It might be that you would qualify for Social Security disability payments. You can call and make an appt at your local SS office to ask about any support you might be eligible for.

In terms of housing, I don't know your age, but if you are an older adult you may qualify for some senior housing in your area. You can contact your city or county housing office to ask about that.

I'm so glad you are here! Please respond with more specifics and any other questions so we can see how we can help. @JaneCares may have some additional suggestions!

Sending you comfort.

Take care,

Amy Goyer, AARP Family & Caregiving Expert

Stephen74Utah · ‎08-04-2025

The grief is still bad. Still no support from 95% of my family. Still facing eviction. My anxieties, panic attacks, PTSD, and depression are still very bad. Just me and my support cats. My counselor does know all of this. The sickness I had was was just allergy cold.

Winter2025VA · ‎08-04-2025

Stephen @Stephen74Utah , I was hoping you had found a "safe" place to stay dear friend. 😞

Hmmm, NO pressure to reply, but wondering why you have NOT told your counselor?

I had my 1st session with my Counselor. NOT dealing well with getting old at age 67.

SO GLAD, it is an allergy!!!

Try to enjoy the 5% Family Support. Glad you have a few supporters.

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

@Stephen74Utah wrote:
The grief is still bad. Still no support from 95% of my family. Still facing eviction. My anxieties, panic attacks, PTSD, and depression are still very bad. Just me and my support cats. My counselor does know all of this. The sickness I had was was just allergy cold.

Stephen74Utah · ‎08-04-2025

The counselor does know everything.

Winter2025VA · ‎06-30-2025

Stephen @Stephen74Utah , I am SO SORRY for your loss dear friend!!!

Are you maybe a member of a church? Sometimes they have groups set up to help with grieving.

What about friends or trying to find a job [when you are ready]?

Anything to provide some COMFORT while YOU HEAL.

In my "very humble" opinion, we will ALWAYS miss them. But as WE MOVE FORWARD, there are LESS TEARS.

I am here for you!!!

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

Stephen74Utah · ‎06-30-2025

I'm saying a counselor and a job counselor to try to find something but times already run out. And I only have one friend and he can't help me. Just going to come down to the fact that I'm going to get evicted and me and my cats will be evicted and homeless. Kind of hard to get work when you're dealing with depression anxiety panic attacks PTSD I'm trying to get my disability but I've been denied three times already it takes time to appeal again.

JaneCares · ‎06-30-2025

Hey StephenM! SpringIsHere has great ideas. You are in a raw, scared place, and I'm so sorry all of this is happening to you. Depression tells lies: it tells you that there's no hope, no pathway out. What i know, also, is that you are grieving: even if you had plenty of money and friends, you'd be suffering the loss of your beloved mother very deeply. I'm glad you have a counselor. Is he or she part of an agency? Ask if they offer peer support, and/or case management, to help with applications for aid, while you're looking for work. Disability from Social Security is tougher than ever to get now, and I hope you can look for work even while you're appealing the denial. Your mother loved you SO MUCH, and wants you to survive and thrive. 50 is young! So much energy still to enjoy and move forward. It is totally okay and normal to crawl into a ball with your cats for a chunk of time each day. And then, you can move around the place, see if there's anything needs doing. If you don't go to a church now but you're comfortable with the idea of going, consider joining one, as often they are very supportive places, and you'd meet people. One idea. Keep posting here. We'll brain storm with you. Hang in there!

Jane

Winter2025VA · ‎08-04-2025

[Wednesday 8/13/25]

Stephen, WE hope you will stop by to see us AGAIN.

Grief & Loss Team 💛

@Stephen74Utah

Stephen74Utah · ‎08-04-2025

Hi

Winter2025VA · ‎06-30-2025

Stephen @Stephen74Utah , does your counselor know you are going to be evicted? Maybe they may be able to "refer" you for help with this. Emergency Shelter is what it is called in my state.

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

Stephen74Utah · ‎06-30-2025

Yeah the counselor knows we've already signed up for section 8 and for emergency housing assistance but until I received the eviction notice they said they really can't help a whole lot. I'm still trying to see if I can also find work. But I'm also dealing with being sick for the last week I haven't recovered from that either.

Winter2025VA · ‎06-30-2025

Stephen @Stephen74Utah , have you been able to see a doctor? I hope so! NOT feeling well while grieving & worrying is awful. I hope you feel better soon. Just so you know I have a cat by the name of Mister. Furbabies KNOW when we need some luv. Luv on yours Stephen, they are also missing your mom.

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)