AARP Online Community and Discussion Forums - Re: Loss of Husband 7 months ago

jf7747659 · ‎12-05-2025

My husband of 45 years died after just a 3 week hospital stay of AML. He had been healthy our entire married life except for the summer before when he contracted Lyme's disease. Maybe that disguised his fatigue he must have been feeling shortly before we went to the hospital for shortness of breath. Anyway, he and I never thought he wouldn't be returning home from that hospital stay. So lots of tears, lonely days and nights and all the rest. Unbelievably, two of my three adult children are getting married in 2026. We are all over the place with happy and sad emotions - my daughter won't have her Dad to walk her down the aisle. I'll be by myself thru all the social events that are part of each wedding instead of having my husband by my side.

I just changed my primary AARP membership from his name to mine which led me here. My faith tells me I'll see him again but its a hard road to travel as a widow.

MaryD25234 · ‎12-17-2025

I"m so sorry for the loss of your other half of 45 years. My husband of 44 years passed away last month. I have joined online Zoom meetings through the Modern Widow's Club online. If you have not heard of them you might be interested in checking them out. They have free and paid memberships. I

Winter2025VA · ‎12-17-2025

Dear Mary @MaryD25234 , thank you SO MUCH for stopping by to "support" our @jf7747659 !!!

SO SORRY for your loss dear friend.

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

➡️[*** MARY

@MaryD25234 wrote:
I"m so sorry for the loss of your other half of 45 years. My husband of 44 years passed away last month. I have joined online Zoom meetings through the Modern Widow's Club online. If you have not heard of them you might be interested in checking them out. They have free and paid memberships.

WalkingWoman · ‎12-13-2025

I don't think I ever knew it could be this lonely.

SereneSeagull · ‎12-13-2025

I was thinking of you today. Someone I know lost her husband this year as well. I was writing my Christmas cards and was writing to her.. Being with others can be helpful. If you belong to any organizations, community or church, that can also help by being with others. It’s the stepping out that can be hard. It’s one step as you can. The isolation can be all-encompassing, which is why I mention being in the company of others.

Winter2025VA · ‎12-13-2025

Dear @WalkingWoman , yes - it can get VERY lonely & that is WHEN I "think" of him.

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

➡️[***

@WalkingWoman wrote:
I don't think I ever knew it could be this lonely.

jf7747659 · ‎12-09-2025

Thank you for the kind and caring words. At this point I can't see the future me. I am finding the approaching holidays are making me even more sad because I can't keep the memories of past Christmas years from entering my thoughts. It doesn't seem possible that when you lived with someone and saw them every day for years and then "poof" they are gone that you can adjust to a new life. I mean eventually you have to, but what a painful process. I don't have my husband to do the simplest things with anymore - like take a day trip somewhere and then stop for dinner. i don't think its the same with a girlfriend at all. I do have a part time job that takes me physically away from my house which is a great distraction and I thank God for that. sorry I just had to whine a little more.

MaryD25234 · ‎12-17-2025

I know what you mean. I hold on to the truth that "death ends a life, not a relationship".Love doesn't just disappear. So of course you're thinking of him. And you're right, it is a painful process.

Winter2025VA · ‎12-17-2025

And Mary @MaryD25234 , I will ALWAYS "think" of him. So GLAD you stopped by to see us!!!

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

➡️[*** MARY

@MaryD25234 wrote:
I know what you mean. I hold on to the truth that "death ends a life, not a relationship".Love doesn't just disappear. So of course you're thinking of him. And you're right, it is a painful process.

MaryD25234 · ‎12-17-2025

Thank you, Nicole. Sure wish I didn't have a reason to stop by here but am grateful to have learned of this forum from a sympathy card AARP sent me.

SereneSeagull · ‎12-09-2025

Hi, absolutely know that it’s not whining to experience and want to express these feelings. The walk in life now is different for sure. How we walk that can be different for all of those who experience loss, and different timeframes as well. Do know you are not alone in that feeling.

Winter2025VA · ‎12-09-2025

Dear @jf7747659 , you are NOT "whining" dear friend = you are "sharing".

For me, I will ALWAYS miss him and skipped Thanksgiving. Was NOT feeling grateful at all.

I will see how I "feel" for Christmas.

I did Individual Counseling July 2025 to October 2025. She "allowed" me to cry and get angry.

Glad that your part-time job gives you a break.

Yes, the "memories" are the worst at home.

I am ALWAYS here for you.

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

➡️[***

@jf7747659 wrote:
Thank you for the kind and caring words. At this point I can't see the future me. I am finding the approaching holidays are making me even more sad because I can't keep the memories of past Christmas years from entering my thoughts. It doesn't seem possible that when you lived with someone and saw them every day for years and then "poof" they are gone that you can adjust to a new life. I mean eventually you have to, but what a painful process. I don't have my husband to do the simplest things with anymore - like take a day trip somewhere and then stop for dinner. i don't think its the same with a girlfriend at all. I do have a part time job that takes me physically away from my house which is a great distraction and I thank God for that. sorry I just had to whine a little more.

HaixinL535295 · ‎12-06-2025

Good luck will soon come your way. Believe in yourself.

Winter2025VA · ‎12-05-2025

Dear @jf7747659 , I am so sorry for your loss!!!

Our group have experienced loss themselves and are ALWAYS here for you dear friend.

WE also have two very "caring" AARP Experts Amy @agoyer and Jane @JaneCares who have supported our forum over the years. Words can never thank them. They have given me some good TIPS to survive losing my hubbie. I am sending them a copy of your post. I am sure they will stop by.

SO GLAD you stopped by to see us and hope you will stop by again.

Take 1 step at a time.

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

➡️[***

@jf7747659 wrote:
My husband of 45 years died after just a 3 week hospital stay of AML. He had been healthy our entire married life except for the summer before when he contracted Lyme's disease. Maybe that disguised his fatigue he must have been feeling shortly before we went to the hospital for shortness of breath. Anyway, he and I never thought he wouldn't be returning home from that hospital stay. So lots of tears, lonely days and nights and all the rest. Unbelievably, two of my three adult children are getting married in 2026. We are all over the place with happy and sad emotions - my daughter won't have her Dad to walk her down the aisle. I'll be by myself thru all the social events that are part of each wedding instead of having my husband by my side.
I just changed my primary AARP membership from his name to mine which led me here. My faith tells me I'll see him again but its a hard road to travel as a widow.

SereneSeagull · ‎12-05-2025

Hi, and sorry for your hard loss, and the circumstances that led to it.

The tug-of-war that envelopes your emotions are such a struggle. I hope you have a large circle of family and friends who can support you. That pain is so hard. Take care of yourself and lean on them. Getting your emotions out by writing is helpful to many who grieve, so I’m sure it was hard to do that, but can be very cathartic in going through the myriad of emotions that will swirl around you. Thank you for your message.