Husband dies alone

[JulieT507376]

My husband of 45 years died alone with our border collie Sadie by his side on December 4th.  I was out of town to visit a grandson.  I FaceTime my husband the night before.  He wasn’t feeling good.  I convinced him to go to the doctor the next morning.  When I called the next morning he didn’t answer.  The neighbors went to check on him for me and found him passed.  It was totally unexpected.  Possibly an Aneurysm took him at 65 years old!  185lbs, physically fit and had dreams to many to list.  He had yet to collect his pensions.  

My two adult sons don’t want me home alone.  I’m not sure I believe he’s gone.  I feel guilty I wasn’t with him when he died and feel guilty I’m getting his pensions that he deserved to spend on his dreams.  Then add on the huge void in my life and my aching heart.  What more can I handle.  I’m so numb and sad. 

[iLuvAutumn]

👋  Hi Julie @JulieT507376 , how are YOU TODAY?

Is Sadie traveling with you or staying with one of your sons again?

I am SO RELIEVED your family and friends SHOWED UP just when YOU NEEDED them!!!

Lol, yes, I too had a MELTDOWN last night - gave up. Texted my daughter asking IF she could CALL me - scared of the "rejection" - but SHE CALLED!!!  🤗🤗🤗

Poor Mr.  🐈  suffered last night as I just could NOT deal with him. Felt SO GUILTY.  😭😭😭  But he UNDERSTOOD as "furbabies" do and was NICE/lol = was NOT his usual self = testing my luv.  🤣😂

Anyway, like YOU, I have HOPE again = WE are luved my friend.

SUN IS OUT FINALLY!!!  💃💃💃

Need to go fill up my gas tank. When it is 3/4 FULL, I "top off" in case there is a DETOUR (lots of road work,accidents) and during Winter helps to prevent gas freezing 

Mr. sends his luv for his girl Sadie  🐕.

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[JulieT507376]

I’m so glad your daughter was there for you last night. When things get bad they usually make time for us old ladies.  It’s just sad we have to be so alone.  But we have Sadie and Mr. Cat.  Thank goodness❤️.  Sadie is staying home with my grandson and his 3 month old puppy Asher.  I’m sure she will be exhausted by days end every day I’m gone.  I really worry about Sadie while I’m away from her.  Hope today is better for you❤️

[iLuvAutumn]

Julie @JulieT507376 , when are you leaving for Montana and Arizona?

Family or vacation?

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[JulieT507376]

I’m flying to Missoula this Friday to help a friend pack her house.  She just bought a new home in Missoula.  Then in three weeks I’m driving down to Arizona with her to her Tucson home.  She winters in warm weather.  So kinda a work vacation.  I fly home from Tucson. 

[iLuvAutumn]

Hi Julie @JulieT507376 , it is a little past 9am here in Cave Spring, Virginia. Wish it would stop raining = depressing. They say NO RAIN tomorrow - hope so!!!

Do you have any plans TODAY?  🤔

Lol, I so DONOT want to deal with Walmart TODAY and still in bed TRYING to "convince" myself to GET UP!!!  🙄🙄🙄

Anyway dear friend, I am here for you.

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[JulieT507376]

Busy weekend with my son and his family.  They brought their little Boston terriers to play with Sadie.  My 10 year old grandson was a joy to have around me!  My son and 25 year old grand son winterized some things for me.  Yesterday I drove a friend 2 hours to another town for cataract surgery.  It was a long day.  Today and tomorrow my sister visits and then I go to Montana and Arizona for 3 weeks.  Soooo I’m so busy I can’t think of anything thing but getting through the days.  I do have some great news.  My 25 year old grandson and his family will be spending Thanksgiving giving with me❤️.  This couple has a 7 month old baby.  My great grandson❤️.   So I think Mark is telling me to slow down but at the same time keeping me busy so I’m not so sad.  Thank you friend for caring about me!  I wish the weather would be warm and sunny for you☀️

[iLuvAutumn]

There is MY GIRL!!! Hey Sadie,  🐕  the luv of Mr.'s  🐈  life./lol  🤣😂

OH MY GOODNESS, yes Mark SET THIS UP FOR YOU dear friend!!! He KNEW how LONELY you have been.

Girl, I AM SMILING. Happy Dance.  💃💃💃

SO PROUD OF YOU - you got BUSY in spite of the VERY ROUGH days you were having.

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

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[*** JULIE wrote:

📸  Picture Attached  📸  Busy weekend with my son and his family.  They brought their little Boston terriers to play with Sadie.  My 10 year old grandson was a joy to have around me!  My son and 25 year old grand son winterized some things for me.  Yesterday I drove a friend 2 hours to another town for cataract surgery.  It was a long day.  Today and tomorrow my sister visits and then I go to Montana and Arizona for 3 weeks.  Soooo I’m so busy I can’t think of anything thing but getting through the days.  I do have some great news.  My 25 year old grandson and his family will be spending Thanksgiving giving with me❤️.  This couple has a 7 month old baby.  My great grandson❤️.   So I think Mark is telling me to slow down but at the same time keeping me busy so I’m not so sad.  Thank you friend for caring about me!  I wish the weather would be warm and sunny for you☀️ ***]

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[iLuvAutumn]

Julie @JulieT507376 , I am here IF AND WHEN you need me dear friend!!!

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[JulieT507376]

I just realize after several texts from family I may be home alone for Thanksgiving this year.  It will be my first Thanksgiving without Mark, my husband and my first ever being alone for a holiday.  I was never alone when I had him.  Why did he leave me?  I’m so heartbroken tonight.  It’s a couple months away so something might change.  So I should stop worrying.  But I still feel so sad and empty tonight. 

[iLuvAutumn]

Dear Julie @JulieT507376 , what you are "feeling" is NORMAL and my heart "hurts" for you dear friend.  😭😭😭

Hmmm, is there anyone you ENJOY and who is THERE FOR YOU - maybe a friend?

HOLIDAYS are hard!!!

And I am so ANGRY that your TWO adult sons are NOT taking up the "slack" Mark left behind. SHAME ON THEM.

How about CELEBRATING EACH HOLIDAY with Sadie  🐕  and make ADJUSTMENTS as needed. This way you have a PLAN in place to NOT get too sad.

You will ALWAYS miss Mark, a wonderful man indeed.

But until you can JOIN him, Sadie NEEDS you dear friend.

So TONIGHT, snuggle up to her and try to get some sleep.

SADIE is your Angel, your reason for getting up. Lol, our furbabies need to be fed or they will be STALKING us.  🤣😂

On the serious side, TAKE 1 STEP TONIGHT = trying to get some sleep. Cry, get angry, miss him dear friend. These EMOTIONS help us to find some PEACE.

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

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[*** JULIE wrote: I just realize after several texts from family I may be home alone for Thanksgiving this year.  It will be my first Thanksgiving without Mark, my husband and my first ever being alone for a holiday.  I was never alone when I had him.  Why did he leave me?  I’m so heartbroken tonight.  It’s a couple months away so something might change.  So I should stop worrying.  But I still feel so sad and empty tonight. ***]

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[iLuvAutumn]

👋  Good Morning my friend!!!

HOPE you were able to sleep LAST NIGHT.

I just fed Mr.  🐈,  my 6am ET wake up call or I would still be in bed and probably stay in it ALL DAY. Knowing he is OUTSIDE my door waiting, makes me get up as soon as my 2 alarms go off.

MONDAYS are my Kroger Day to cash in any WINNING Scratch-Off Lottery tickets. I also REINVEST. I only do the $1 and $2 ones and just for a FUN and a reason to LEAVE my Studio Apt. My buddy David at their Customer Service counter is on vacation . Fellow OLD person.

Any plans for TODAY?  🤔

Luv you my friend,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

@JulieT507376 

[JulieT507376]

Good morning!  I’m with Sadie now!  She cuddled with me all night.  I think we missed each other terribly.  It’s really hot outside so I think we will stay inside and place a Safeway order to pickup curbside.  So happy to be home.  I loved the border collie hugging the shepherd.  Made me smile 😊 ❤️. Thank you for being a good friend!  Have a wonderful Monday!

julie❤️

[iLuvAutumn]

📸  Attachment  📸  A hug for dear Julie @JulieT507376  🤗🤗🤗

[JulieT507376]

Nicole, Thank you for the hug!  I’m on my way home from vacation.  One more stop tomorrow to pick Sadie up at my son’s house.  What a trip.  I’m not sure what I’ve accomplished from this trip.  The lady I traveled with lost her husband 5 years ago to a long term illness and is quite independent and is living her life to the fullest.   How can I tell myself I need to get over it and move on?  I’m so lonely and miss Mark so much.  I want to hold my breath until I meet up with him again.  For now all I want to do is go home and be close to Sadie and Mark. Tomorrow will be better. 

[DianeB887812]

@JulieT507376 @I know you do not know me from Adam, but your posts are so full of regrets and sorrows I just want to reach out to you and comfort you. Maybe hearing about some of my experiences could help. I hope what follows is helpful , but if not, please stop reading. 

I also have suffered regrets. Both of my husbands died in the hospital. I had to make the final decision about whether to continue medical care for both of them. That too is a hard decision to make and still haunts me 20 years later for my first husband. The rational side of me knows I made the right call in both cases. I lean on that thought to help me live on. 

I did have many conversations with my second husband as he was very ill. He even made sure I had his Advanced Directives to lean on. I can still see the smile he gave me when he understood that he was in hospice’s care. He knew I was following his desires.

A couple years ago my mother was in the hospital after a heart attack. I spent a month by her side holding her hand. In the end she passed away when I took a much needed break from my vigil. Her nurse told me that she had seen many people wait for their loved ones to not be present when they finally allow themselves to pass. 

One other thought I allow myself is that it is done now for all my loved ones. I can not do anything now to change any of it.

But I will make sure I have advanced directives for who ever will be speaking for me when I can not speak for myself. And I hope I pass in my sleep peasfully in my own bed. But that is in Gods hands. 

[JulieT507376]

Hi Diane, 

Your words are helpful and makes me think about the pain others endure.  I’m so sorry for your losses.  I had no decisions to make just the loss.  Mark was just taken from me.  I had no sadness before just happiness.  So I’m really blessed and thankful.  I’m sure your decisions were made with great love and compassion. Thank you for reaching out to me.

julie

[Therapist4u]

Hi Diane @DianeB887812

Thanks for your most kind & thoughtful post!

I found it was moving, eloquent, & heartfelt.....as was the very personal message from Julie @JulieT507376!

To me, as we have entered the later years of life, we are blessed to have some precious time to express our thoughts, feelings & deepest emotions....while we still have the opportunities to articulate them. We are also blessed to have the multitude of gifts left behind for us, from those closest to us who are no longer here...physically...but we often feel their presence, in a variety of ways!

One of the sweetest & most endearing....& enduring....memories I have, was being told by my loved one of many years, that when they are gone....that they will always try to spread their “Mantle of Protection” over me...in whatever ways they are able to, & as often as they can!

I hope y’all feel something similar, from your personal experiences!

Please take the very best care of yourselves!

Most sincerely ~Allen

[DianeB887812]

I’m sorry Allen. I have been learning how to navigate and reply in the proper place on this board. 

I also find comfort when I think about how I have been carrying out Stephen’s wishes. Today was a tough one. But I’ll get through it. As I work through everything that needs to be done, life is beginning to look a little more normal. All it takes is more time. 

[Therapist4u]

Hi Nicole @iLuvAutumn

I wonder if Julie @JulieT507376! &/or Diane @DianeB887812 saw my message to them... as there’s no replies... & you’re the only kudo?!

Anyway...it’s the thought that counts,....

amiright.?...LOL!

Take care!

☮️  🌩🌦~Allen 🌈  ⛵  🌞

[iLuvAutumn]

Hi Julie @JulieT507376  , I HOPE you have been able to find some support for YOUR journey. It is SO HARD when we lose folks we CARE about. Luv you my friend, Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[JulieT507376]

On a vacation with a friend and another couple. First time since Mark has passed away. I can hardly stand to watch the couple with us hold hands and speak loving words to each other. My heart is dead inside. Why did he have to leave me? Watching the people on vacation around me walking hand in hand asking for pictures of them as couples. Where’s my other half. I feel so all alone. So sad!

[DianeB887812]

The tough part of grief is all the unexpected triggers that smack you in the head.  It is so tempting to cocoon in a safe place. But you ventured out! Good for you! I’m trying to get myself to the dog park where my husband and I spent many beautiful hours watching our dogs playing with all the other dogs and chatting with the other owners. I really want to go there. Maybe tomorrow. 

[iLuvAutumn]

Hi Julie @JulieT507376 , how are YOU doing?

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[JulieT507376]

We had Mark’s celebration of life several days ago.  Lots of people.  He was a quiet man but so many people loved him.  I know how much I loved him!  I didn’t realize how many other lives he touched.  I’m alone in my thoughts now.  Maybe to alone it makes me want to be with him so much.  I know that not possible. 

[iLuvAutumn]

Hi Julie @JulieT507376 SO GOOD to hear from you - thank you SO MUCH!!!  💃💃💃

In my very humble opinion, he will ALWAYS be with you. Yes, you will FEEL his presence and he will use SPECIAL ways to let you know.

Continue to move FORWARD when you can, ENJOY the folks who CARE about you and KNOW soon you will see him again.

Luv you SO MUCH,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

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[*** JULIE @JulieT507376 wrote:

We had Mark’s celebration of life several days ago.  Lots of people.  He was a quiet man but so many people loved him.  I know how much I loved him!  I didn’t realize how many other lives he touched.  I’m alone in my thoughts now.  Maybe to alone it makes me want to be with him so much.  I know that not possible. ***]

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[JulieT507376]

I’m wondering how other people felt after their loved one’s funeral, service or celebration of life.  Mark has had two.  A religious service and a celebration. I’m so empty now.  I feel like I’ve completed what I had to do. Nothings left to accomplish.  Does that make sense to anyone?  

[jonibee]

My deepest sympathy goes out to you on the recent passing of your husband..You got to talk to him the night before even though the outcome has left its void with you. Sometmes ones passing comes as a great shock to those who are left behind as it was totally unexpected leaving a void ..I hope with the passing time you can deal with the grief that is deep and remember the time before his passing to sustain you..They say not to make any life changing decisions for atleast a year and acting on impulse can be the wrong decision.. do what is best for you and take it day by day to grieve  accordingly some days will be better than others..Read some of the books that are listed on this site and do what's best for you...Perhaps do something special in his memory...

[iLuvAutumn]

How are YOU doing Julie @JulieT507376  ?

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[JulieT507376]

Nicole, Thank you for all your kind words and support.  It is always nice to see your messages in my emails.  I’m doing ok.  Finally spending nights in my husband and my home has been very emotional for me.  I feel his presence with me in so many ways.  I’m compiling a slide show for his celebration of life that is in June.  The memories are bringing tears to my eyes and sadness to my heart.  

I’m trying to figure out lawn care, equipment repair, sidewalks that need built and trying to get a grandson and family moved onto the property to help me.  I’m both overwhelmed and wishing I could have just one more day to ask my husband all the questions that I never thought I needed to know the answers to! But I probably wouldn’t let him go because I miss him so much! 

Hope you are having wonderful warm spring days!  Where I live it’s still cool.  But the sun is shining brightly!!