Husband dies alone

[JulieT507376]

My husband of 45 years died alone with our border collie Sadie by his side on December 4th.  I was out of town to visit a grandson.  I FaceTime my husband the night before.  He wasn’t feeling good.  I convinced him to go to the doctor the next morning.  When I called the next morning he didn’t answer.  The neighbors went to check on him for me and found him passed.  It was totally unexpected.  Possibly an Aneurysm took him at 65 years old!  185lbs, physically fit and had dreams to many to list.  He had yet to collect his pensions.  

My two adult sons don’t want me home alone.  I’m not sure I believe he’s gone.  I feel guilty I wasn’t with him when he died and feel guilty I’m getting his pensions that he deserved to spend on his dreams.  Then add on the huge void in my life and my aching heart.  What more can I handle.  I’m so numb and sad. 

[JulieT507376]

Good Morning!!  Lazy morning at our house.  I have to go to the local church and help sort donation clothes today for the local people in need.  Someday Mark’s clothes will help many people.  But today they will stay with me.  I still need them close to me❤️. 
Hope you have a nice Saturday!

❤️❤️Julie 

[Winter2024]

How are YOU Julie @JulieT507376 ?  🤔

I hope you are sleeping and staying busy.

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗  (Grief Forum)

[JulieT507376]

Good Morning!  Sorry I haven’t checked in.  I have had company twice since I last checked in.  I don’t know about other widows but it’s one month less than a year since I lost Mark.  I think friends and family feel I need to be kept busy and not alone.  I’m sure they will get tired of me eventually.   I’m home alone now.  I’m deciding what I should do to keep me busy.  I really do have plenty to do!  

I wish you could be with your daughter on Thanksgiving!  I’m sure I will have a full holiday!  But will not be the same without Mark.  

❤️Julie 

[Winter2024]

Lol, you are so FUNNY Julie @JulieT507376 !!!  🤣😂

Yes they do as they get busy with their lives. I had to ACCEPT this with my daughter and NOT depend SO MUCH on her. Becoming a Cat Mom has helped and meeting other Cat Folks has given me a time to look forward to = Walmart Cat Food aisle friends.  🙄🙄🙄

NO PRESSURE, wondering how your Family Mexican Dinner turned out?

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗  (Grief Forum)

---

[*** JULIE wrote: Good Morning!  Sorry I haven’t checked in.  I have had company twice since I last checked in.  I don’t know about other widows but it’s one month less than a year since I lost Mark.  I think friends and family feel I need to be kept busy and not alone.  I’m sure they will get tired of me eventually.   I’m home alone now.  I’m deciding what I should do to keep me busy.  I really do have plenty to do!  

I wish you could be with your daughter on Thanksgiving!  I’m sure I will have a full holiday!  But will not be the same without Mark.  

❤️Julie ***]

---

[JulieT507376]

Mexican dinner was good.  We had ten people attend.  Everyone had stories to share about Mark and the guys had a beer with him!  I really missed my younger son.  He texted me and said he wished he could be with me.  It of course made me more sad.  Already tears it just made more!   I pray someday my two sons will get along with each other.  Very heartbreaking.  My 8 month old great grandson ate guacamole for the first time.  He loved it!! 

[JulieT507376]

Mexican dinner was good.  We had ten people attend.  Everyone had stories to share about Mark and the guys had a beer with him!  I really missed my younger son.  He texted me and said he wished he could be with me.  It of course made me more sad.  Already tears it just made more!   I pray someday my two sons will get along with each other.  Very heartbreaking.  My 8 month old great grandson ate guacamole for the first time!!  He loved it❤️

[Winter2024]

I am thinking about YOU Julie @JulieT507376 !!!

How are you doing?

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗  (Grief Forum)

[JulieT507376]

Good morning, 

Preparing for Mark’s birthday.  I’m taking family out for Mexican dinner on November 4th.  Only one son is coming.  My sons are still not talking to each other since their father’s death.  Should be a large crowd of grandchildren and a couple great grandchildren.  Mark and I always went to Mexican restaurants for his birthday.  He had a taco and burrito combo every time.  He would be 66 years old this year.  Why is my 66 year old husband not eating Mexican with me this year?  I’m still angry at the doctors that wouldn’t help him!  I’m angry at Mark that he left Sadie and me.  But I’ll get through this day like I do so many other days.  I’m so lonely for him it hurts.  

Today is Halloween 🎃 I’m going with my grandson and my great grandson baby trunk or treating.  I’m planning on happiness with smiles tonight!

[Winter2024]

👋  Good Morning Julie @JulieT507376 !!!

How are you today?

I hope you slept last night.

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗  (Grief Forum)

[JulieT507376]

Good Morning!  I slept well.  Rushing around getting ready for house guests from Canada.  They are coming to see the larch trees that have turned a beautiful golden color.  I’m glad I’m staying busy.  Mark’s birthday is next week.  Heavy on my mind.  My sister is coming the day after his birthday.  He would be 66 years old.  

I hope your daughter figures things out.  It sounds like she has a good career to fall back on.  I know it would be nice to have her close to you. ❤️

[Winter2024]

👋  Julie @JulieT507376 , how are you doing?

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗  (Grief Forum)

[JulieT507376]

Good morning!

so happy to be home.  My friend bought a home just before I went.  So we ended up packing, cleaning and painting her old house.  It is now for sale!!  

I worried about Sadie non stop.  I was overwhelmed with the sense that she wasn’t getting the attention she needed. She is the center of my life.  To other people she is just a dog.  The neighbor teenage girl moved in with her.  They did fine.  Sadie was ecstatic when I got home.  She hasn’t left my side in the last 24 hours.  

How are you?  Ready for winter?  Low 20’s here.  Looking for much colder temps in the future.  

[Winter2024]

👋  Hi Julie @JulieT507376 , how are YOU TODAY?

Is Sadie traveling with you or staying with one of your sons again?

I am SO RELIEVED your family and friends SHOWED UP just when YOU NEEDED them!!!

Lol, yes, I too had a MELTDOWN last night - gave up. Texted my daughter asking IF she could CALL me - scared of the "rejection" - but SHE CALLED!!!  🤗🤗🤗

Poor Mr.  🐈  suffered last night as I just could NOT deal with him. Felt SO GUILTY.  😭😭😭  But he UNDERSTOOD as "furbabies" do and was NICE/lol = was NOT his usual self = testing my luv.  🤣😂

Anyway, like YOU, I have HOPE again = WE are luved my friend.

SUN IS OUT FINALLY!!!  💃💃💃

Need to go fill up my gas tank. When it is 3/4 FULL, I "top off" in case there is a DETOUR (lots of road work,accidents) and during Winter helps to prevent gas freezing 

Mr. sends his luv for his girl Sadie  🐕.

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[JulieT507376]

I’m so glad your daughter was there for you last night. When things get bad they usually make time for us old ladies.  It’s just sad we have to be so alone.  But we have Sadie and Mr. Cat.  Thank goodness❤️.  Sadie is staying home with my grandson and his 3 month old puppy Asher.  I’m sure she will be exhausted by days end every day I’m gone.  I really worry about Sadie while I’m away from her.  Hope today is better for you❤️

[Winter2024]

Julie @JulieT507376 , when are you leaving for Montana and Arizona?

Family or vacation?

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[JulieT507376]

I’m flying to Missoula this Friday to help a friend pack her house.  She just bought a new home in Missoula.  Then in three weeks I’m driving down to Arizona with her to her Tucson home.  She winters in warm weather.  So kinda a work vacation.  I fly home from Tucson. 

[Winter2024]

Hi Julie @JulieT507376 , it is a little past 9am here in Cave Spring, Virginia. Wish it would stop raining = depressing. They say NO RAIN tomorrow - hope so!!!

Do you have any plans TODAY?  🤔

Lol, I so DONOT want to deal with Walmart TODAY and still in bed TRYING to "convince" myself to GET UP!!!  🙄🙄🙄

Anyway dear friend, I am here for you.

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[JulieT507376]

Busy weekend with my son and his family.  They brought their little Boston terriers to play with Sadie.  My 10 year old grandson was a joy to have around me!  My son and 25 year old grand son winterized some things for me.  Yesterday I drove a friend 2 hours to another town for cataract surgery.  It was a long day.  Today and tomorrow my sister visits and then I go to Montana and Arizona for 3 weeks.  Soooo I’m so busy I can’t think of anything thing but getting through the days.  I do have some great news.  My 25 year old grandson and his family will be spending Thanksgiving giving with me❤️.  This couple has a 7 month old baby.  My great grandson❤️.   So I think Mark is telling me to slow down but at the same time keeping me busy so I’m not so sad.  Thank you friend for caring about me!  I wish the weather would be warm and sunny for you☀️

[Winter2024]

Julie @JulieT507376 , I am here IF AND WHEN you need me dear friend!!!

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[JulieT507376]

I just realize after several texts from family I may be home alone for Thanksgiving this year.  It will be my first Thanksgiving without Mark, my husband and my first ever being alone for a holiday.  I was never alone when I had him.  Why did he leave me?  I’m so heartbroken tonight.  It’s a couple months away so something might change.  So I should stop worrying.  But I still feel so sad and empty tonight. 

[Winter2024]

👋  Good Morning my friend!!!

HOPE you were able to sleep LAST NIGHT.

I just fed Mr.  🐈,  my 6am ET wake up call or I would still be in bed and probably stay in it ALL DAY. Knowing he is OUTSIDE my door waiting, makes me get up as soon as my 2 alarms go off.

MONDAYS are my Kroger Day to cash in any WINNING Scratch-Off Lottery tickets. I also REINVEST. I only do the $1 and $2 ones and just for a FUN and a reason to LEAVE my Studio Apt. My buddy David at their Customer Service counter is on vacation . Fellow OLD person.

Any plans for TODAY?  🤔

Luv you my friend,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

@JulieT507376 

[JulieT507376]

Good morning!  I’m with Sadie now!  She cuddled with me all night.  I think we missed each other terribly.  It’s really hot outside so I think we will stay inside and place a Safeway order to pickup curbside.  So happy to be home.  I loved the border collie hugging the shepherd.  Made me smile 😊 ❤️. Thank you for being a good friend!  Have a wonderful Monday!

julie❤️

[Winter2024]

📸  Attachment  📸  A hug for dear Julie @JulieT507376  🤗🤗🤗

[JulieT507376]

Nicole, Thank you for the hug!  I’m on my way home from vacation.  One more stop tomorrow to pick Sadie up at my son’s house.  What a trip.  I’m not sure what I’ve accomplished from this trip.  The lady I traveled with lost her husband 5 years ago to a long term illness and is quite independent and is living her life to the fullest.   How can I tell myself I need to get over it and move on?  I’m so lonely and miss Mark so much.  I want to hold my breath until I meet up with him again.  For now all I want to do is go home and be close to Sadie and Mark. Tomorrow will be better. 

[DianeB887812]

@JulieT507376 @I know you do not know me from Adam, but your posts are so full of regrets and sorrows I just want to reach out to you and comfort you. Maybe hearing about some of my experiences could help. I hope what follows is helpful , but if not, please stop reading. 

I also have suffered regrets. Both of my husbands died in the hospital. I had to make the final decision about whether to continue medical care for both of them. That too is a hard decision to make and still haunts me 20 years later for my first husband. The rational side of me knows I made the right call in both cases. I lean on that thought to help me live on. 

I did have many conversations with my second husband as he was very ill. He even made sure I had his Advanced Directives to lean on. I can still see the smile he gave me when he understood that he was in hospice’s care. He knew I was following his desires.

A couple years ago my mother was in the hospital after a heart attack. I spent a month by her side holding her hand. In the end she passed away when I took a much needed break from my vigil. Her nurse told me that she had seen many people wait for their loved ones to not be present when they finally allow themselves to pass. 

One other thought I allow myself is that it is done now for all my loved ones. I can not do anything now to change any of it.

But I will make sure I have advanced directives for who ever will be speaking for me when I can not speak for myself. And I hope I pass in my sleep peasfully in my own bed. But that is in Gods hands. 

[JulieT507376]

Hi Diane, 

Your words are helpful and makes me think about the pain others endure.  I’m so sorry for your losses.  I had no decisions to make just the loss.  Mark was just taken from me.  I had no sadness before just happiness.  So I’m really blessed and thankful.  I’m sure your decisions were made with great love and compassion. Thank you for reaching out to me.

julie

[Therapist4u]

Hi Diane @DianeB887812

Thanks for your most kind & thoughtful post!

I found it was moving, eloquent, & heartfelt.....as was the very personal message from Julie @JulieT507376!

To me, as we have entered the later years of life, we are blessed to have some precious time to express our thoughts, feelings & deepest emotions....while we still have the opportunities to articulate them. We are also blessed to have the multitude of gifts left behind for us, from those closest to us who are no longer here...physically...but we often feel their presence, in a variety of ways!

One of the sweetest & most endearing....& enduring....memories I have, was being told by my loved one of many years, that when they are gone....that they will always try to spread their “Mantle of Protection” over me...in whatever ways they are able to, & as often as they can!

I hope y’all feel something similar, from your personal experiences!

Please take the very best care of yourselves!

Most sincerely ~Allen

[DianeB887812]

I’m sorry Allen. I have been learning how to navigate and reply in the proper place on this board. 

I also find comfort when I think about how I have been carrying out Stephen’s wishes. Today was a tough one. But I’ll get through it. As I work through everything that needs to be done, life is beginning to look a little more normal. All it takes is more time. 

[Therapist4u]

Hi Nicole @Winter2024

I wonder if Julie @JulieT507376! &/or Diane @DianeB887812 saw my message to them... as there’s no replies... & you’re the only kudo?!

Anyway...it’s the thought that counts,....

amiright.?...LOL!

Take care!

☮️  🌩🌦~Allen 🌈  ⛵  🌞

[Winter2024]

Hi Julie @JulieT507376  , I HOPE you have been able to find some support for YOUR journey. It is SO HARD when we lose folks we CARE about. Luv you my friend, Nicole  🤗🤗🤗