📋 Grief, Bereavement, Mourning Death of Spouse (AARP Article)

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🗣  By Ruth Davis Konigsberg

  ‌👉‌Link to online information👈 

Grief & Loss Team 🤗🤎

[Anonymous]

READ comments, ADD comment.‌

🗣  By Ruth Davis Konigsberg

  ‌👉‌Link to online information👈 

Grief & Loss Team 🤗🤎

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[CarolynS674392]

I have read the comments/shares here and I also lost my husband - two years ago, which is hard to believe because it feels like, well, I don't know.  To Lynn and Eileen, it is so recent for you.  The article said grief groups are not always needed and I know a lot of people don't go to them, but I have and I met a lot of other people who have lost someone, many of them have lost a spouse.  I am one of those people who doesn't mind reaching out and getting help.  Some people have a hard time asking for help.  I can't relate to that.  But I can respect it.  I'm glad the article said people can heal without it too because I've known people who didn't seek groups or counseling and I'm glad they can heal too.

[Anonymous]

(1 comment) So good hearing from you Carolyn @CarolynS674392 !!!! Nicole 🤗🤎

[CarolynS674392]

Hi Nicole!  😀

[SueS788527]

Hi, I appreciate you sharing some research that has been conducted on grieving.  I agree with Beatlelover KT (yes, I was a Beatlemaniac in my younger days!😉). Grief is an individual experience based on many factors.  My grievance counselor told me that since I had been married for almost 50 years it would probably take 3 to 4 years for me to "recover."  I never fully knew what that meant and still don't. Yes, I agree some of the pain will be less severe, there may be fewer triggering events, I may be able to talk about my husband without crying.  So, I agree some of the acute reactions will lessen.  I am still grappling with the journey and what to expect.  I realize I owe it to myself to take a more active role in redefining my identity, self-pity is not healthy (although I have my moments of why me) and there is a world out there for me to experience as a single person.  I have had a hard time with being called single, but that is life.  It is all part of the new identity I have to create that best suits me.  So, while it is tempting to put grief in a box and hope we can store it away in the attic, I suspect the loss will always be with me, but perhaps I can view it in a better perspective, so it doesn't define the new me or my new life.  Just some food for thought.  Glad we are all engaged in this thought process, which means we are not giving up.  Sue 🌞🌈

[BeatleloverKT]

I read the article. Although some of it is accurate,

grief is such an individual and intricate process. I myself have gone back and forth multiple times on this emotional rollercoaster. Very often I am sent back to the Anger stage with no warning. And I never find myself joyful and cheerful. I’ve had moments of happiness but nothing extreme. I’m into my 5th year and I’m more stable with my grieving but don’t feel I’ll ever truly get over my husbands death. It was truly the worst thing I’ve ever experienced 

[mc6844]

Hi Beatle. I hope you are okay. Take care of yourself. You are worth it.

[LynnT264969]

I just lost my Husband two weeks ago The love of my Life he was a caring Man and loved his Family and friends would do anything for them. I now live alone with my Dog and Cat . I have very few friends and no family here in state so it is very lonely for me . I feel very empty and broken cry every day , i  speak to my late husband in hoping he hears me .I miss him so every much , every where i turn i am reminded of him which makes me sad but happy as well . This is the first time i have had to deal with greive . I know it will get better over time , i just wish i could get some kind of a sign that he is ok or hears me. 

[mc6844]

Lynn, I've mentioned the following incident here somewhere. A while ago I was at my sister's funeral. I was in the receiving line. A friend I hadn't seen in some time greeted me. Behind her a man guided her lovingly with his hand down the line. After they went by I asked the relative beside me, "who was that man behind her?" My relative said, "her husband." I said, "I thought he died?" My relative answered, "he did."  

There's a thin line between life and death. It's said that our deceased loved ones walk beside us always. Take care.

[mc6844]

Lynn, I'm so sorry for your loss. The loss of a husband is so deeply personal. A spiritual bond in all the ups and downs of life. I find I remember the good things about deceased loved ones. I hope they find peace where they are. And I'm sure they appreciate prayers said for them. 

[BillH490171]

Hi Lynn, sorry about your loss. I lost my wife 4 weeks ago and share many of the words you wrote.  No family nearby as well. I know she's doing well and shows up in birds and nature.  My middle daughter had a dream about her two nights ago and she saw her sitting on a park bench, earing sunglasses, carrying a cargo bag and my wife smiled at my daughter.  Look for him in all places.

Bill

[CarolynS674392]

Keep talking to him.  I talk to Dan all the time.  I think you'll get signs as time goes by.  💕

[SueS788527]

Hi, Lynn, I relate to your feelings and once my husband died, I too looked for signs.  Lo and behold within a few days after his passing I kept seeing signs on vans, posters and helpful grocery shop attendants with his name!  I couldn't believe it but that many signs must mean something!  After a few months I became convinced that he was still with me, not in the physical sense but his spirit was here.  I planted a few of his favorite trees and shrubs and every time I pass by them, I see their leaves swaying in the wind and sun filtering onto their branches.  That is my reassurance that he is still with me and wants me to be happy in my new life.  It keeps me going and gives me the reassurance that I am not alone.  Faith and remembrance are key to healthy healing, but it will take time.  While you are grieving, you may start to feel more independent, self-confident and self-aware.  It is a scary time, but as the saying goes as each door closes, others open. The unknown can bring new opportunities for you and me.  I hope so.  Your friend, Sue

[EileenP559346]

Lynn - I am so sorry to hear of your loss.  Yesterday was the 8 month anniversary of my husband's death and tomorrow is his 66th birthday.  I miss him so much every day and totally get when you say you feel empty and broken.  I can't say I am better than I was at the 2 week or 1 month mark, but what I can say is that I at least feel that I am functioning, although in a fog.  I don't break down crying every second anymore and don't have any more panic attacks, but I feel that I am empty inside.   I did not have any family or friends around either so I pretty much had to deal with his death alone.  I am now near my sister and it definitely helps, but I still feel alone most of the time.  Even with people around the person I long for is no longer here.  I keep asking my husband for a sign also.  I jokingly tell him that I am dense.  Don't give me any of those subtle signs, I pretty much need to be hit over the head with something.  So far nothing that I know of, but I keep hoping.  One thing I am doing is writing a letter to my husband.  I could not start until about the 4 month mark but now have 17 pages.  I don't write every day but when there is something in particular I want to say or when I am feeling extra low.  I pretty much cry through the whole thing but in a way I do feel better afterwards.  I know that everyone is different so what may work for me will not necessarily work for others.  I wish you the best.  This is a journey none of us wanted to take and I believe the hardest thing we will ever do.  Take care.  Eileen