extremely (!!!) difficult parent

DPSISME · ‎10-07-2019

venting.

parent is mentally unstable(has been for years), increasingly suffering from dementia, lives in filth, refuses to cooperate with any logical steps to improve home or move. She has always bullied to get her way & has run off almost all that attempt to work or do anything on her behalf.

now home is beyond hope - authorities have actually cited property. I have no rights to do anything on her behalf & live several hours away.

she does have funds - but her grasp on reality & her love of $ do not allow her to discuss rationally.

Need to get her into assisted living & appears i will have to go to court to gain control.

anyone else ever have this problem?

GailL1 · ‎10-07-2019

@DPSISME wrote:
venting.
parent is mentally unstable(has been for years), increasingly suffering from dementia, lives in filth, refuses to cooperate with any logical steps to improve home or move. She has always bullied to get her way & has run off almost all that attempt to work or do anything on her behalf.
now home is beyond hope - authorities have actually cited property. I have no rights to do anything on her behalf & live several hours away.
she does have funds - but her grasp on reality & her love of $ do not allow her to discuss rationally.
Need to get her into assisted living & appears i will have to go to court to gain control.
anyone else ever have this problem?

Hope the venting did you some good - at least for awhile.

Yes, sounds like you are gonna have to go to court to obtain guardianship over her finances and health and living accommodations. Doesn't sound like something that you and her might have planned for in advance.

My mother had mental illness her whole life. Meds that worked earlier in her life no longer did the trick. Her Dr. put her on a (then new) antipsychotic med and it was a miracle drug for her and she took it for about 10 - 12 years until side effects built up. Never found another one that worked as well. but during those years, she lived in an independent senior facility and did pretty well.

I always had her POA and healthcare directive - so I had been making her decisions for her for a very long time.

When she was taken off this med, I tried her in an assisted living facility since she was not able to care for herself any longer, even though it was only personal care which she needed at the time. Assisted living did not work - they could not control her. So for the remaining time of her life (several months), she was in a memory care unit until a stroke forced me to move her to a smaller personal care facility with direct 100% care.

Your mother needs to be diagnosis. Her diagnosis will help you in court. She will have to be declared incompetent for court guardianship assignment. Depending upon her diagnosis, there could be some medication to help her (and you). Getting her to go to a doctor for the diagnosis might be quite a chore, so pick a good professional; perhaps her own doctor could do a referral - perhaps a geratric psychiatrist, a doctor trained in brain conditions (neurologist) or at least doctor trained to treat older adults (geriatrician). Because right now, it could be any number of things going on - mental illness, Alzheimers or something else.

Act now before things get worse. It takes time and it doesn't sound like she has too much time left if the state/local government takes her home.

Good Luck -

Aging Care.com - How to Get Guardianship of a Senior

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