@vkrein wrote:
My husband has serious health problems (serious heart problems and moderate vision problems from diabetes, plus wont wear his hearing aides. I have saved his life many times. I do not hover and micromanage, tho I am the only one who prefers to stop health issues BEFORE they get out of control, rather than clean up the bigger mess afterwards. We are very lucky that he can still be pretty active, tho he sleeps a lot during the day due to the heart condition, Im sure.
He was the nicest guy on earth until we hit retirement. Now when I want him to listen to me (about crucial issues, of course LOL) he is abrupt and crabby because he is expending all his energy on a supposedly safe stock thing (common call options) that takes a lot of time. Men, speak up on this one! Ladies too. Thanks so much!
I love the advice of Dr. Jacobs. Let me also say, you can lead a horse to water....
What i'd recommend is that you have a full and rich life of your own and focus on enjoying your old coot when you can with shared activities (movies? hiking? ha. probably not. A photography class at your local community college? Learn Espanol?) If you're the nag/ the keeper of the pills/ the diet maven.... he's going to be even less likely to do what he should on his own.
He might just fall down dead one day. Hate to be blunt, but that's your worst fear, right? And who's fault is that? Ultimately, his. He might just fall down dead even if he DID watch his weight/ cholesterol/ sugar intake....
I'm reminded of the philosophy of Alanon: detachment. The drunk or the addict cannot be rescued ultimately. But you can still love them. By being loving but not taking on what is theirs to do. An Alanon meeting might help you, in fact. I went to one for a while for exactly your reason: my crazy mother was a christian scientist and i did everything i could to get her to seek care. She died at age 55. Alanon and therapy helped me present her with options and then detach. It was up to her. She didn't change. Oh well. I miss the crazy old bat, but it was not my job to save her life.
So, as they say in Alanon, take what you like and leave the rest.
What do you think?
Jane
