Safety - I live alone with no reliable support system

[Macintaka]

I'm 59 and live alone after caring for my wife in her dementia for 11 or so years. I have no in person friends, the rest being a few people online I'm friendly with but not close with. Although my mother lives in town, she is not the kind to provide the support I need. Neither is my brother, who lives across the state.

Having several mental and physical health issues that are concerning, and living in the depth of emotional distress I experience, I want to build a safety net in case something happens to me and I either die or become incapacitated in my home. As it is, I could lie dead or unable to summon help for many days before anyone noticed I hadn't texted in a while. It's a depressing thought. 

I also have animal companions that would need to be provided for if that happened! 

I need a plan and some kind of help implementing the plan. I need to know that someone will notice if I haven't checked in and that something will happen because they noticed. That, and creating a care plan for the animals, is what I primarily need.

I have so much I can't do because of my confusion and anxiety and grief and stress and all the rest that I'm in the long slow process of healing. My lack of ability to do basic things is terrible. In my confusion and anxiety, my ability to do my own research to figure out which service I see on a Google search might help me, which features I need, what others think of the service, etc. is next to zero. This is a couple years long process for me, because I can only do little bits here and there. This post is months in the making because of that.

I'm on disability (SSDI) and I use money from my wife's disability check to continue paying rent and bills. Although so much of it goes to her room and board and medical bills, that I have access to that money means I'm just over the edge financially and make too much for expanded services like Medicaid and other services that have been suggested to me. The people who helped me apply the last couple of times both told me I was "barely over" the financial bar, whatever that is.

After doing a LOT of searching over time, to find help for my daily life and in helping me manage my mental health and medical care, and seeing that there's nothing available for me, I am now limiting my quest to getting help in creating a safety plan for me and for my animals in dire need, as in death or incapacitation. 

I need someone to notice if I disappear, and I need flexibility in how I respond to however they contact me. In my current state, my confusion, anxiety, and who knows what-else, make my ability to reply in a specific timeframe difficult, so I need them to react in steps, not calling the cops if I haven't responded in 10 minutes like the one online service I tried out.  

Also, if there are any that provide any kind of attention to my animals that would be incredible. I'm slowly gathering all the information for them, which will be on my refrigerator, but who will look at it and do anything about it if I'm unable to communicate?

Anyway, any ideas would be great. If you have more than just suggesting a specific app I'd really appreciate it. I know there are apps out there, I need broader help than just that.

Thanks in advance!

[GailL1]

@Macintaka 

Ever thought about getting “Meals on Wheels” or some comparable program?  Many moons ago I volunteered with the local senior citizen center (county ran) to deliver “meals on wheels”. After a while I understood that many of these folks use the service not just for the meals but also for the contact - with me, it was as little or as much as they wanted.  

As a volunteer that got to know these folks a bit, I reported back to the senior centers workers what I saw or didn’t see.  I reported back when somebody didn’t come to the door to get their daily (5-days a week) meal - employees of the senior center then followed up with them or their designated contact.

I also reported health and safety issues if I noticed them - like once I just walked into a person’s doorway and noticed how dark it was - I asked - thing was numerous light bulbs needed to be replaced.  Or you hear the smoke alarm beeping because it needed a battery.  Reported back and arrangements were made with the person to have the situation remedied.

So I guess, in many respects this volunteer job was more than just delivering a meal - for many it was a lifeline to the world - a daily check like you are referring -

So get a meal (which was big enough for two meals) and get a check.  Win-Win.

See if the locality where you live has  senior or disabled  services - they may have some program that would fit what you need.  Every community is different so that’s a local thing or maybe a state thing.  United Way might also have a local program that could help.  

Those government programs like various Medicaid programs are income related need based but those limits change every year - in fact, your state might up these limits based on the State/Federal split - so check those out too - Find out what they call this office in your state - probably under the umbrella of the Dept of Health Services - DHS or perhaps a senior of disabled services at the state level.

Sometimes just finding the help is a full time job - but having the internet helps a lot.

Just some stuff off of the top of my head - The 1st thing about HELP is the asking - I find that hard like you - but that’s what has to happen to get the help you need.

Good Luck

[kalimasala]

@GailL1, "Meals on Wheels" is a great suggestion! A very helpful service and needed service.

[kalimasala]

@Macintaka I’m deeply moved by your post and want to acknowledge the incredible strength it takes to reach out for help. You’ve been through so much, and it’s completely understandable to seek a reliable safety net for yourself and your beloved animals.

I’d like to share a solution that might offer some of the support and peace of mind you’re looking for: . It’s a service designed to provide daily check-in calls to ensure you’re safe and well. Here’s how it could help:

1. Daily Check-Ins: makes automated calls at scheduled times. You can confirm you’re okay simply by responding to the call. 
2. Care Group Notifications: Should you miss a check-in, your care group is notified prompting them to reach out to you.
   
   

Given your situation, it can be an essential part of your safety plan, ensuring someone notices if you haven’t checked in and takes appropriate action. Additionally, you can customize the service to notify trusted friends or community members who can look after your animals if needed.

Beyond just suggesting this service, I want to emphasize that you’re not alone in seeking broader support. Here are a few additional steps you might consider.

• Local Resources: Reach out to local senior centers or community organizations. They often have volunteers who can offer companionship and support.
• Animal Care Plan: Connect with local animal shelters or pet care organizations to see if they have emergency pet care plans.
• Mental Health Support: Consider telehealth services that offer counseling and mental health support from the comfort of your home.

I can help you find these services in your area if you like.

I hope this helps you feel a little more supported. Wishing you all the best,

[jonibee]

You need to join something be it your church or any organization that may interest you..Do you have any interest such a reading, perhaps join a bowling league that would put you in touch with others. Senior centers have groups that play cards/games/ or just meet daily...You need to talk about your estate planning with a lawyer as to what you would want to do for your pets and what plans you wish for your estate should you die...You have to go out and make your life as no one will do it for you..one step at a time..See what social activities are close to you perhaps you were a veteran so the VFW or American Legion would be a place to start ..join it..Are you a History buff as there's organizations that delve into history or your local library has programs ..Look into them..Some senior centers have a are you well and will check on you to confirm..Get involved in something a garden club ..Wishing you well and please accept my sympathy on the loss of your wife..Join a bereavement group as others have gone through similar occurences ..

[Macintaka]

Going out and joining and meeting and all that is not an option for me now. I'm autistic and at the very best of times it's astonishingly difficult to connect with others, and during this time of mental chaos and strife, it's not something I can do. As time passes, and hopefully the current intensity I'm experiencing does too, then I can make some moves in that direction. 

I can't afford a lawyer.

You say, "You have to go out and make your life as no one will do it for you"
I know you mean well, please don't take this as an attack. This kind of thing might work for some people, but "go get em champ" kind of messages are often wildly inappropriate, as it is for me in this situation. In the future, I'd encourage you ask more questions, and give fewer directives to "just do it."