Re: My Dad

aprilghalami · ‎08-26-2019

My dad is in the NW. I am in the South. My mom passed away almost 2 years ago. They both suffer(ed) from advanced Parkinson's. I want to move my dad to where I live, as my children, grandchildren, and support system is here. I took care of him and my mom both for 2 years by myself and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. He is currently on hospice, his appetite is dwindling, he needs homecare and help with everything, although he can feed himself and have conversations. I know the resources here and would have plenty of help.

I miss him and I know he misses family greatly, especially since my mom passed away. He was recently moved to a private setting because the care at his assisted living facility was neglectful and we almost lost him. He went from the hospital to rehab to a private setting (with four other elders). Am I selfish in wanting to move him here? He says he would like to come here, but he is also very weak and still recovering from his current move (within the last 6 weeks).

Comments and suggestions greatly appreciated.

Thanks ❤️

JaneCares · ‎08-26-2019

@aprilghalami wrote:
My dad is in the NW. I am in the South. My mom passed away almost 2 years ago. They both suffer(ed) from advanced Parkinson's. I want to move my dad to where I live, as my children, grandchildren, and support system is here. I took care of him and my mom both for 2 years by myself and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. He is currently on hospice, his appetite is dwindling, he needs homecare and help with everything, although he can feed himself and have conversations. I know the resources here and would have plenty of help.

I miss him and I know he misses family greatly, especially since my mom passed away. He was recently moved to a private setting because the care at his assisted living facility was neglectful and we almost lost him. He went from the hospital to rehab to a private setting (with four other elders). Am I selfish in wanting to move him here? He says he would like to come here, but he is also very weak and still recovering from his current move (within the last 6 weeks).

Comments and suggestions greatly appreciated.
Thanks ❤️

Hi April,

What does the hospice team advise? Do you have any idea as to prognosis? I know that hospice means, in theory, that his prognosis is less than 6 months, but i worked as a hospice social worker for a few years. If his health continues to decline, he can stay on hospice care for years. Have you talked to the nurse, the medical director or the social worker about prognosis?

It sounds like you've done a great deal of caregiving in the past little while, and you have a very full life there in the South. Are there other siblings? Are there other folks who know and love him who can help you decide? And also, help you move him? He probably doesn't have very much stuff since he's been moving since your mother's death, but still moving is a huge task, especially so far.

What are your pros and cons? What are you thinking, which way are you leaning?

If it were me, I'd probably move him. Since he's just moved, he's not super attached to where he is. I'd get up to where he lives, pack up his stuff, ship it, get help from the social worker in hospice to transfer his care to the hospice program in your town, and book first class air plane tickets. But that's me.

Best of luck and keep us posted, okay?

Jane

Brightpool · ‎08-26-2019

My limited experience comes from sharing responsibility with my brother for the care of my Dad off and on for 2 years or so from only 30 miles away, for me.

During that time, we eventually had to turn to outside help with daily matters around the house, as my step-Mom had suffered a mild to medium stroke and couldn't trust herself to cook.

We were lucky in that they could stay in the house and get more professional help through community resources, especially during his last few months on hospice.

As for moving him, your Dad has already moved and might feel uprooted already. If he's on hospice, he might not be up for another move, regardless of how well intentioned it might be.

The decision to move him or not ultimately rests with you and him based on levels of emotional comfort as well as the physical constraints placed upon him by his failing health.

Consider it wisely. I hope you will reach the right conclusion for your circumstances and that all will turn out okay.