AARP Caregiving Summer Break Contest

[AARPTeri]

Summertime often means taking breaks and planning vacations. Both of these can be a bit tricky while caring for a loved one.  Have you traveled with your loved one recently or are you planning to?  

Share your experience here and you will be entered in our Caregiving Summer Contest 2018 and could win one of the weekly $100 gift cards or a chance for the overall winning prize of $500 gift card. Your story may be advice or inspirational!

Review rules here:  https://community.aarp.org/t5/Caregiving/AARP-Caregiving-Summer-Break-Contest-2018/m-p/2023713#M67

[DerekW206857]

I love cooking chicken and dancing with my baby 

[jh68249246]

This is a caretaker story--but one of "relief" rather than "vacation." It was late August and Rosemary was pretty far gone with her Alzheimer's angry, restless, confused--but knowing who we were. Angry at me no matter what I did. I was full-time and we were at time, and you know after awhile that that is just the way it is.  

Then I found out that there was a small State Park a short distance from this edge of Bloomington IL where we had moved for her worsening condition. Knowing  her past love of nature (she was a Master Gardener), I told her I was taking her to the Prairie View State Park. She said no, but went in tears and rage anyway.  All the way there--a 15 minute drive--she raged and cried and complained that she didn't want to go. 

It is a circular drive in the park around a small lake. I drove five miles an hour slowly around. We saw a flock of wild turkeys, a larger flock of Canadian geese, a very dark late summer woods, some people fishing--and a lovely quiet day with Central Illinois puffball clouds. 

She did not cry or talk during the drive. As we came back into the entrance and started to leave I asked, "Did you like it?" Through tears, she smiled a lovely full smile, and said, "very much." It was the last smile and the last words I remember her saying at all. She died about a month later. The rage slips away from memory, the smile remains 

[DoraF809259]

In June of 2015 My Mom and Dad both then 91 were living independently. I was married for about 2 years at that point. One evening after my parents returned from the store some how dad carried in a bottle of radiator fluid which my mother mistook for a juice bottle. She nearly drank it. She spit it out and called an ambulance. So after several days of observation the doctor told me that she would not release my mom unless I promised fulltime supervision. And she took her driver's license away. For 5 months I practically lived with them and encorporated my daughter's to help. October 20th I moved them in to an independent living facility near my home with the intention of utilizing the amenities and making daily visits. On November 16th 2015 I was leaving my house for a doctor's appointment and without warning as I was unlatching the gate my husband's dog that he had rehomed (a 110 pound American bulldog) walked behind me and bit me on the buttock. As I froze in shock the dog proceeded to drag me to the ground. No one saw me or heard me. I fought the dog for two hours; before I could roll my naked dismembered body about 50 feet with the dog hovering to the phone in my purse and called 911. The dog had attacked both legs dismembered my left foot and mutilated my right foot. My arms were in bad shape. The County Sheriff's picked up the signal and we're the first responders. They shot and killed the dog to get to my body. I was hyperthermic they tournequeted my leg. I lost over 70% of my blood, I was in a coma for 10 days and ICU 13. I spent three months in the hospital. I was released on February 13th 2016. I got my prosthetic leg late April 2016. I have severe nerve damage to right leg however I am still able to walk. I separated from my husband December 6, 2016. My husband immediately filed for divorce and was very unremorseful about his dog attacking me. I moved in with my dear friend as I spent all of 2017 having reconstructive surgery and fighting through a divorce. Around September of 2017 the management told me that my parents dimentia was at the point they felt that they needed to be in assisted living. My folks are very healthy and i just couldn't see me allowing them to be restricted to memory care or being separated. Plus their finances don't quite meet the level for quality care for them together. So I was able to get a nice single story duplex to accommodate. I am with them 24/7. I get a bit of aide from the VA for dad. I am disabled and one of my daughters helps but at times it difficult because she has a young family of 4 children. My other daughter's are not in a position to help much. Since mom's mishap  and my dog attack both in 2015 my life has been one of fortitude. I often think about what would be my parents fate had I died. 

[bobf216311]

chilling at the pool with some hard cider and cigars while i watch the young girls go bye oh my!

[IsaH134409]

I used to go to thrift stores with my friends. We’d take the train into Boston, and go to The Garment District, which is this huge vintage clothing warehouse. Everything is arranged by color, and somehow that makes all of the clothes beautiful. It’s kind of like if you went through the wardrobe in the Narnia books, only instead of finding Aslan and the White Witch and horrible Eustace, you found this magic clothing world–instead of talking animals, there were feather boas and wedding dresses and bowling shoes, and paisley shirts and Doc Martens and everything hung up on racks so that first you have black dresses, all together, like the world’s largest indoor funeral, and then blue dresses–all the blues you can imagine–and then red dresses and so on. Pink-reds and orangey reds and purple-reds and exit-light reds and candy reds. Sometimes I would close my eyes and Natasha and Natalie and Jake would drag me over to a rack, and rub a dress against my hand. “Guess what color this is.”

[TonyT116299]

my favorite summer breaks include going to nude beaches and painting on brisk mountains

[JannB804060]

I have been slowing taking over more and more duties from my husband who was diagnosed with early onset Alzhiemers or some sort of Dementia about 8 years ago at the age of 57.  At some point you wake up and realize you are making all the decisions in both your lives.  I continue to work part time and have independent QSP's come into my home when I am at work. Until this summer we have been able to do most things together but he no longer likes being gone from home. The activity level of our grandkids is also becoming difficult (5 kiddos - 5 years and under!). I have given up most of my favorite activities but I am not willing to give up time with our grandchildren!  I arranged for my regular caregivers to share 24 hour care so I could be with my 4 daughters and their families for 3 1/2 days, giving them my full attention!  It was so wonderful. As my husband no longer knows me as his wife, I so enjoyed the hugs, kisses, smiles and the feeling of being loved.  It was great not having to be on constant alert for his escapes out the door, making sure nobody got too noisy around him, sleep soundly, etc.  I arranged for my brother-in-law to drive my husband to meet us for 24 hours and that was enough for my husband.  It was very clear that I had made the right decision. 

I typed up our daily routine, made a menu, had some back up help on a call list, stocked the fridge with groceries, packed my swim suit and bright collored clothing and prayed that all went well.  

As a spouse, we may feel guilty to spend the money for a break but as a caregiver, it is necessary.  I also don't want my children and grandchildren to feel neglected because of this all consuming disease.   

[sw96384941]

This may not be quite what the idea is but my elder sister takes care of out elderly mother on a permanant basis. In order of give her a break and to get some quality time together my sisters and i take one week a year just for ourselves and go on some kind of adventure/vacation. This year we are waterfall exploring around the us/canada border 🙂

[SamC142589]

I'm not much on words and this vacation was a bitter sweet one. The last summer vacation was 2 weeks before my mother in law found out she had pancreatic and liver cancer. We all went to Golf Shores Alabama. We spent time on the beach and going to the different things in the area even though she stayed very tired we had a good time. Its still hard to talk about because those memory's we made while we where there are the last we had with her. It wasn't long after we got back that her health started declining rapidly. I stayed with her and took care of her til the very end. And I truly Cherish our time we spent all together in Alabama.

[DebraR91191]

Hi! My name is Debra, and I'm 59. I have been taking care of my father with many health issues. He loves to go to the lake and fish with me and my dog, bo-bo. Being in a wheelchair doesn't stop him to much but access is difficult sometimes. Because he can't walk anymore and i need to, as does my big ol' dog. I take an hour or so on Sundays and go to our local State Forrest Park. Bo and I walk for miles into the woods and then we take the creek back, Slowly, we walk in the ankle deep water and watch the little fish. Listening to nature is a recouperating thing for me.. I pick up rocks, cuz who doesn't love to collect rocks, right! 

[m491170a]

My name is michael, and i had taken a vacation from as my grandma was not well, i travelled from US to India for a months vacation and i had taken a very good care of her, she had suffered a heart attack and i was lucky that i got a chance to serve her. That were the best moments of my life .

[mg22213935]

One thing I always do when flying with my 83-year-old mother is reserve her a wheelchair at the airport.  Knowing that she doesn't have to walk far or fast is a comfort to her.  Also, I work at a Chamber of Commerce in a tourist town (Siesta Key) and if you call a chamber, they can tell you about accomodations that are wheelchair-accessible and give you tips on restaurants and activities too.

[ml70164193]

Last year, I booked a last minute flight to Mexico City and took a bus to San Miguel de Allende.  I HAD a  marvelous time.  I walked the gorgeous Colonial streets and ate a lot of delicious food and beer. It cleared my head an my aura.

[jb42341320]

As a caregiver, you may need to recalibrate what a summer break constitutes. Instead of 2 weeks in a cabin in the woods, it may be two hours in a wooded park with accessible trails and taking a chance to take a breath from the daily grind.  It can also mean making an effort to bring summer in - a vase of wildflowers, a picnic in place, gingham napkins and s'mores made on the gas stove or microwave.  

[DanW565543]

I took my wifes Mom to a Good Ol' Summer picnic, she loved trying to win at the cake booth, and then we had a really nice fish dinner with all the trimmings, after the excitement she was ready for a nap.

[courtneyc312205]

My advice is ASK FOR HELP!!! If we plan on going out of town for a few days we make sure that my grandmother not only has food to eat but that everyday someone is stopping in to see her. Socialization and interaction are really big too! My grandmother often times says she is fine and doesn’t need help but we see how much she benefits from others checking in on her when we are away. Asking others to help us the easiest thing to do and so many people are willing to help! Just ask!

[RyanC536536]

I don’t want to get give out personal information. However I will say that we should take better care of our loved ones despite what they are going through as this will only give more happiness in the long run.

[mjoy1228]

we go to vegas every year

[VickieH703575]

It's a hard thing todo

[JayW963494]

I come crom a very large family, so we all take turns.

[JoeS358670]

Ilike just going outside and watching the bbirds

[DeliaZ82237]

I am taking my uncle to Mexico to see some family and friends and go sight seeing and go different places to eat some foods 

[TravisB387398]

we spent summers in naples in the beach.

each year was a blessing for us all!!

[CameshaC375825]

Good

[n844413a]

Mainly in the 1990's I was caring for my grandmother, grandfather and my father, Alzheimers, Congestive Heart Failure and Stroke.  My Grandmother passed in 1998 at the age of 90, the next year my grandfather passed in June but daddy was still needing care when my step mom worked.  After my grandfather I was mentally and physically wiped out and one day in early August I saw I had a week open ahead, I jumped online found a hotel my family and I had stayed at in Florida and it was available.  I called them rather than going online, I "Needed" that room badly, they were so kind I hung up the phone in tears...I had gotten the room!  I was selfish about this time, I did not tell my grown children or my husband.  I packed my things that very day and put the suitcases in my car, the next day we all went to dinner which gave me a chance to tell them I was going to leave early and would see them later.  I spent one of the most relaxing weeks of my life on the beach in 1999, a vacation I will remember for the rest of my days.  My dad passed in June 2009 and my granddaughter was 10 yrs. old, I was thinking oh now I can take another vacation--Wrong!  In late August my daughter came in and told me she was expecting again after 11 years, there went my vacation as I wanted to save for the new baby.  Now it's almost 2019, have a thing with nines it seems, and I am so ready to get away.  My husband's 101 year old aunt just passed again in JUNE!  She lived on her own in a highrise retirement center which had to be cleaned out.  My husband has a small piece of his meniscus in his right knee which makes it very difficult for him to walk so I did the cleaning out, he is retired but does very little.  I had two-thirds of my thyroid removed in  May and feel much better, I promise every word of this is true, maybe off on a month, so "I" would love a vacation!!!!

[LeahB526218]

Hello my name is Leah I'm caregiver to my mother Sue who is 62 in 2013 she was diagnosed with short term memory because of her thyroid condition which caused her to have unbalance memory and with medication she just never reverted back to how she was prior to this condition.  Since that time until now has been a completely new chapter and journey she has Dementia. The aggression and the day to day is unexplainable .  I now monitor behavior, moods, all discomfort, sleeping , breathing, eating you name I'm doing it and each day is different yet I have programs and activities for her trying to see what is a good fit is my focus now and wanting to keep her safe and secure.  This is round the clock and if you see me you see her.  I feel isolated from the world but I'd rather look in my mothers eyes every day and try to imagine what she feel  with her illness cause sometimes I just try to understand and I can't why this illness is here.  Staying stronge for my mom cause she would do it for me.  She is my air I breath.

[eg7194]

i like to take some time for self care to relax my mind and clear my head

[JamesM192523]

My name is Jim. Personally for me caregiving is my vacation.

In my 20's I worked a full time job and attended UNLV full time receiving a BS in Math and Computing. In my 30's I worked 60 to 110 hours per week for the Golden Nugget Hotel as a Software Engineer. They bounced me back and forth between Vegas and Alantic City every two weeks. I was permanently jet-lagged.

Then I found a position wiith Hughes Aircraft Company working a straight 50 hours per week.

Relief!!!

After 22 years with Hughes I retired uin 06/2006.

My twin sons were born on 07/28/2003. When I wasn't at work, I spent almost all of my time feeding them, changing, thier diapers and clothes and giving baths. Bath time was play time!!!

When they turned 5, in '08 we got the boys enrolled in the K-12 program and I was their teacher from Kindergarden through 3'rd grade. K-12 had the boys learning algebra in the 3'rd grade. 

It was an absolute joy!!!

I'd never heard of Hatshepsut. She was the only woman Pharoh in ancient Egypt. K-12 covered her in the 3rd grade amazing.

By the end of 2006 I'd needed 6 back surgeries and a couple on my left wrist. Being completely retired at 56 was a real break. Now I'm 66 divorved and looking for another job.

Oh well, you never know what's going to happen. Besides getting back into the workforce and working a 40 hour week job will be a pleasure!!!

[ChiS632999]

hello. my name is chi siu and im 31 years old.  i may not be perfect for AARP but im writing this story for my parents who are already aging.  i want to win this contest so i can give the money to them to do what they want to do.  my parents is already closed to the retirement and i dont want them to struggle with the bills they will get after retirement.  i want to ease up their frusture and be able to live up their life.  im a business man but doesnt make a good money to meet up my end.  i tired to save up much as i can but my wife is money spender.  its hard to control her and my money.  so yeah i want surprise them and be able to see them smile.  my wife may be gold digger but she stills care about them as well.

[SaraR176580]

My favorite summer breaks were spending summers with my grandparents. My parents would drop my brother and I off at Mamaw and Papaw's house for a week or two. They lived out in the country and it felt like the whole world belonged t us. My Papaw passed away 13 years ago of ALS this July and I miss him terribly. I was only 14. I'll never forget the summers I spent with him.