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Re: Funny Stories and Life Experiences

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Message 101 of 169

What about the elk!

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Re: Funny Stories and Life Experiences

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Message 102 of 169

Hmmmmm!FB_IMG_1543273696909.jpg

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Re: Funny Stories and Life Experiences

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Message 103 of 169

Dirty old men!

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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Re: Funny Stories and Life Experiences

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Message 104 of 169

This may have been posted before but I like the message!

 

Yesterday after shopping in our local supermarket, I was in the queue at the Check Out, and heard when the young cashier suggested to the much older lady that she should bring her own grocery bags, because plastic bags are not good for the environment.
The woman apologised to the young girl & then sighed, "We didn't have this 'green thing' back in my earlier days."
The young clerk responded, "That's our problem today. You folk didn't do enough to save our environment for future generations."
The older lady said "Ahh yes you're right -- our generation didn't have the "green thing" in its day." She sighed then continued:
Back then, we returned milk bottles, lemonade bottles & beer bottles to the shops. The shops then sent them back to the plant to be washed, sterilized & refilled, so those same bottles were used over & over, thus REALLY were recycled. But we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day.
Grocery stores put our groceries into brown paper bags that we reused for numerous things. Most memorable was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our school books. This was to ensure that public property (the books provided for our use by the school) were not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalise our books on their brown paper bag/covers. But, too bad we didn't do the "green thing" back then.
I remember how we walked up stairs because we didn't have an escalator in every store or office building; walked to the grocery store & didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go 200 yards.
. . . But she was right. We didn't have the "green thing" in our day.
Back then we washed the baby's nappies because we didn't have the throw away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts. Wind & solar power really did dry our clothes back in our days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. . . . But that young lady is right; we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day.
Back then we had one radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And if anyone did own a TV, it had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of a football pitch. When cooking we blended & stirred by hand coz we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send by post, we used layers of old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity., , , , But she's right; we didn't have the "green thing" back then.
We drank from a tap or fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, & we replaced the razor blade in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But we didn't have the "green thing" back then. Back then, people took the bus & kids rode bikes to school or walked instead of turning their mothers into a 24-hour taxi service in the family's expensive car or van, which cost what a whole house did before the "green thing"..
Oh and we had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest leisure park.
. . . . But it so sad this current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the "green thing" back then? . . . I think you should forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from some smart ass young person. .. ...
We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off... Especially from a tattooed, multiple pierced smart ass who can't make change without the cash register telling them how much. 

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Re: Funny Stories

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Message 105 of 169

@DaveMcK wrote:

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As someone who has lost several wonderful, wonderful beloved people,  all I can say to this post is "Y-E-S!!!!"

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Re: Funny Stories and Life Experiences

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Message 106 of 169

 

A shaggy dog tale.

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees £10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please."

Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop.

He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus-stop.

The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench.

When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus.

The butcher follows, dumbstruck. As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery.

After a while he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" bell, and then the butcher follows him off.

The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step. He barks repeatedly.

No answer.

He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again & again.

No answer.

So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, barks repeatedly at a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. Eventually, a small guy opens it and starts cursing and shouting at the dog.

The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!"

The owner responds, "Genius, my arse. It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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Re: Funny Stories

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Message 107 of 169

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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Re: Funny Stories

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Message 108 of 169

FB_IMG_1527560503989.jpgMy uncle who fought in WWI 

The 100th Anniversary of Armistice Day-Veterans Day will be celebrated November 11, 2018.

Veterans Day is an official United States public holiday, observed annually on November 11, that honors military veterans; that is, persons who served in the United States Armed Forces. It coincides with other holidays, including Armistice Day and Remembrance Day, celebrated in other countries that mark the anniversary of the end of World War I; major hostilities of World War I were formally ended at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month of 1918, when the Armistice with Germany went into effect. The United States previously observed Armistice Day. The U.S. holiday was renamed Veterans Day in 1954.

Veterans Day

World War I veteran Joseph Ambrose, 86, at the dedication day parade for the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in 1982.jpg
World War I veteran Joseph Ambrose attends the dedication parade for the Vietnam Veterans Memorial, holding the flag that covered the casket of his son, killed in the Korean War.
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Re: Funny Stories

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Message 109 of 169

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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Re: Funny Stories

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Message 110 of 169

In church one Sunday morning, the preacher said, “Anyone with special needs who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar.”

With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, “Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?”

Leroy replied, “Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing.”

The preacher put one finger of one hand on Leroy’s ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy’s head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, “Leroy, how is your hearing now?”

Leroy answered, “I don’t know. It ain’t ’til Thursday.”

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