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Funny Stories and Life Experiences

New topic featuring funny stories. 

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade…
So remember this story the next time …

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband..
She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
" Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.
You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s going to be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked,
and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot..
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job,
and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city.
They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door
and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said: “Who screwed up your hair?”

 

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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Hoping everyone has a safe and enjoyable New Years Eve! We are going to have dinner here with several people from the Retirement Center.

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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Happy Christmas Eve! Hoping everyone has a blessed Christmas day.

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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I was in the 18+ group!

 

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Stole this from another site. 🙂 Too funny not to share:
I refuse to put on winter tires because:
It’s my car, my choice, my freedom.
The effectiveness of winter tires is not proven, except by studies carried out by the manufacturers (you amaze me).
My neighbor Robert had an accident after putting on his winter tires.
Some are already on their 3rd set of tires, which proves their Ineffectiveness.
We don’t know what they are made of.
The tire giants scare us with winter, just to enrich themselves.
In fact, the tire giants invented snow and spread it at night when you sleep.
If I have winter tires, the government can track me in the snow.
Educate yourself, open your eyes, stop being a sheep!
This year, I say no to winter tires!

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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Here is my suggestion as how to fix your Thanksgiving Turkey!

 

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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@DaveMcK  I try to have at least one good belly laugh a day.  Thank you for giving me that today.

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The Elephant Rope

 A man was walking nearby to a group of elephants that was halted by a small rope tied to their front leg. He was amazed by the fact that the huge elephants are not even making an attempt to break the rope and set themselves free.

 

 

He saw an elephant trainer standing beside them and he expressed his puzzled state of mind. The trainer said “when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them.

As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.”

Moral: It is the false belief of the elephants that denied their freedom for life time. Likewise, many people are not trying to work towards success in their life just because they failed once before. So keep on trying and don’t get tied up with some false beliefs of failure.

 

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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@DaveMcK A great illustration of how we give strength to our faults beliefs.

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Almost any large dog is physically capable of jumping/climbing over a 4 foot fence.  They are too stupid to do it.

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The TRUTH is, that all of the “STUFF” here on earth we work SO hard to buy and accumulate..does NOT mean a thing. At the end of the day...people will be cleaning out our "STUFF", going thru our "STUFF", figuring out what to do with all of our "STUFF"....this "STUFF" we've accumulated in our life. The only thing of VALUE that remains are the MEMORIES and what we deposit into others. May we all learn to spend less time accumulating "STUFF" and spend way more time making MEMORIES.

 

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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But finding STUFF, that you FORGOT you owned, is like getting STUFF for FREE!

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@aruzinsky That's true.  But what I found when I had more STUFF, I couldn't find what I needed, so went out and bought that thing.  Later, I would find that thing that I needed, but had already bought a new replacement. Did I totally confuse you?

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No, but the last time that happened to me, it was soap, which I eventually used anyway.

 

 

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@DaveMcK  Exactly!  I'm a minimalist.  All that means, is get rid of STUFF that really doesn't have meaning or purpose.  Love the humorous take off of "Thelma and Louise." 

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"I asked an elderly man once what it was like to be old and to know the majority of his life was behind him. He told me that he has been the same age his entire life. He said the voice inside of his head had never aged. He has always just been the same boy. His mother's son. He had always wondered when he would grow up and be an old man. He said he watched his body age and his faculties dull but the person he is inside never got tired. Never aged. Never changed.
Our spirits are eternal. Our souls are forever. The next time you encounter an elderly person, look at them and know they are still a child, just as you are still a child and children will always need love, attention and purpose." ~ Author Unknown
✌️❤️

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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@DaveMcK wrote:

"... He said the voice inside of his head had never aged. ..."

 


The voice inside my head changed shortly after puberty.

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@DaveMcK Well written.

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It is time to move the world forward!

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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The road least traveled!

 

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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@DaveMcK A rolling stone gathers no moss, but I guess train tracks do.  Cool pix.

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From rescues to rescuers: Training search dogs. CBS Sunday Morning News. SORRY BUT THIS MAY BE SLOW IN OPENING. 

Link:

ttps://www.cbsnews.com/video/from-rescues-to-rescuers-training-search-dogs/

 

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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Our 2012 Hawaiian trip from the past.
Pineapple Express Train Ride Take a two-mile, 20-minute fully narrated train ride through a real-life working plantation. Along the route, you’ll learn the stories of the pineapple, Hawaii’s most famous fruit crop, and hear about James Dole, the man who built a world-famous agricultural empire from 60 acres of Wahiawa earth.

Pineapple Garden Maze
The 2008 Guinness World Records named Dole Plantation’s Pineapple Garden Maze as the World’s Largest Maze. Come and see this gigantic outdoor brain-teaser, one of only a handful of botanical mazes in the United States. Test your “navigational skills” while having fun seeking the eight hidden stations located within the maze.

  1. Plantation Garden Tour
    Eight mini-gardens give tour-goers an opportunity to see, smell, and touch many of the diverse crops being grown on the North Shore of Oahu—as well as a look back at life on the plantation.

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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@DaveMcK  Excellent advice! 

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The Hydrangea Bush

The big, bountiful blooms are abundant on Cape Cod, and available in hundreds of varieties. Mo Rocca tiptoes through the hydrangeas, and talks with aficionados to learn the secrets to growing these showy summer shrubs.

 

 

Link:  https://cbsn.ws/3xuuttF

 

 

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The picture above is of a hydrangea bush on our grounds that I took a few weeks ago.

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears;
“ You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side
You know what?”
“What dear?” she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
”I think you’re bad luck.”

 

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THE TRADITION
"In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow"

In Flanders fields.
Poppies Edit
Main article: Remembrance poppy
In 1915, following the Second Battle of Ypres, Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, a physician with the Canadian Expeditionary Force, wrote the poem, "In Flanders Fields". Its opening lines refer to the fields of poppies that grew among the soldiers' graves in Flanders.

In 1918, inspired by the poem, YWCA worker Moina Michael attended a YWCA Overseas War Secretaries' conference wearing a silk poppy pinned to her coat and distributed over two dozen more to others present. In 1920, the National American Legion adopted it as their official symbol of remembrance.

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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It will be a while before we have fresh, locally grow watermelons but it seems this will be handy to have before we know it!

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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