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Funny Stories and Life Experiences

New topic featuring funny stories. 

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade…
So remember this story the next time …

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband..
She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
" Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.
You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s going to be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked,
and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot..
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job,
and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city.
They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door
and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said: “Who screwed up your hair?”

 

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A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?' "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" I exclaimed, "No" said the Vet, "because he's really heavy" 😂

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A retired doctor became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic.

He put a sign up outside that said: “Dr. Geezer’s Clinic. Get your treatment for $500. If not cured, get back $1,000.”

Doctor Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $$$. So he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic.

Dr. Young: “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?”

Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”

Dr. Young: “Aaagh! — This is gasoline!”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”

Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

Dr. Young: “I have lost my memory; I cannot remember anything.”

Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Dr. Young: “Oh, no you don’t … that is gasoline!”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”

Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.

Dr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak; I can hardly see anything!”

Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so, here’s your $1000 back” (giving him a $10 bill).

Dr. Young: “But this is only $10!”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”

Moral of story: Just because you’re “young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an “old Geezer.”

Remember: Don’t make old people mad. We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to tick us off.

ENJOY YOUR DAY!

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Trusted Contributor

Anyone have any funny stories or life experiences to share with us? 🤔

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Join me in Thanking all medical professionals! Repost this where ever you can.

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ON DEC. 6, 1941, U.S. STAYS LULLED ON EVE OF WAR The Japanese  Threat Is Greeted With Bluster, Contempt on DECEMBER 6, 1941

By Doug Struck
Baltimore Sun
Dec 05, 1991 at 12:00 am
 

America sees but will not believe. The evidence is there, screaming at them every morning in the newspaper headlines: Japanese Forces Move on Thailand; Negotiations Falter; War with Japan Looms. In the war rooms and the White House, smart men read the secret diplomatic mail from Japan, messages that order important papers burned, seek detailed whereabouts of U.S. warships and talk of impending deadlines.

They read, but they do not react. Even those who expect the worst are lulled by the talk on the street, the scoff of Everyman, the bluster of Joe at the shop and neighbor Sally: "The Japanese would never be crazy enough to attack us."

Yes we were forwarded! An so it has lived on in the history books yet today and beyond!

On draft No. 1, Roosevelt changed "a date which will live in world history" to "a date which will live in infamy," providing the speech its most famous phrase and giving birth to the term, "day of infamy," which December 7, 1941, is often called.

A few words later, he changed his report that the United States of America was "simultaneously and deliberately attacked" to "suddenly and deliberately attacked." At the end of the first sentence, he wrote the words, "without warning," but later crossed them out.

Thus that first historic sentence—the one that is usually quoted from the speech—was born: "Yesterday, December 7, 1941—a date which will live in infamy—the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by the naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan."

There were other changes in that first draft also. At one point, Roosevelt noted that the distance from Japan to Hawaii meant that the attack must have been planned "many days ago." He changed that to "many days or even weeks ago." Historians now know that the Japanese had considered a surprise attack on Pearl Harbor for many years.

 

Pearl Harbor: Before the Attack!

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Many truths in here, I hope you enjoy.
———————————

I counted my years
and realized that I have
Less time to live by,
Than I have lived so far.

I feel like a child who won a pack of candies: at first he ate them with pleasure
But when he realized that there was little left, he began to taste them intensely.

I have no time for endless meetings
where the statutes, rules, procedures & internal regulations are discussed,
knowing that nothing will be done.

I no longer have the patience
To stand absurd people who,
despite their chronological age,
have not grown up.

My time is too short:
I want the essence,
my spirit is in a hurry.
I do not have much candy
In the package anymore.

I want to live next to humans,
very realistic people who know
How to laugh at their mistakes,
Who are not inflated by their own triumphs
and who take responsibility for their actions.
In this way, human dignity is defended
and we live in truth and honesty.

It is the essentials that make life useful.
I want to surround myself with people
who know how to touch the hearts of those whom hard strokes of life
have taught to grow with sweet touches of the soul.

Yes, I'm in a hurry.
I'm in a hurry to live with the intensity that only maturity can bring.
I do not intend to waste any of the remaining desserts.
I am sure they will be exquisite,
much more than those eaten so far.
My goal is to reach the end satisfied
and at peace with my loved ones and my conscience.

We have two lives
and the second begins when you realize you only have one.

~ Mario de Andrade

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Daylight Saving Time 2022: When do clocks ‘fall back’ this year? Daylight Savings Time explained.

The end of Daylight Saving Time for 2022 arrives this weekend when the clock will “fall back” one hour and in theory we get one extra hour of sleep.

Daylight Saving Time concludes at 2 a.m. on Sunday, Nov. 6, 2022.

The sun will set in Newark at 5:48 p.m. on Saturday. The following day — after Daylight Saving time concludes — sunset is more than an hour earlier at 4:47 p.m.

Every state except Hawaii and Arizona currently observes daylight saving time. But each year, more states say it's time to stop futzing with the clock and embrace daylight saving time year-round.

Anna Blazhuk/Getty Images

Millions of Americans want to abandon the time change we endure twice each year, disrupting our circadian rhythms and creating confusion. More than a third of U.S. states now back a permanent shift to daylight saving time. If that happens, it would be a final victory for a plan that businesses have praised for more than 100 years.

For 2022, daylight saving time officially ends at 2 a.m. on Sunday, Nov. 6.

Daylight saving time is a moneymaker

When daylight saving was extended into early November 15 years ago, many saw the U.S. candy industry as a winner, since the extra hour of daylight could drive sales of more Halloween treats.

But support among businesses ran much deeper than that, according to time-change expert Michael Downing, a professor at Tufts University who wrote Spring Forward: The Annual Madness of Daylight Saving Time.

"What we don't tend to know as Americans is that the biggest lobby on behalf of daylight saving since 1915 in this country — and to this very day — is the Chamber of Commerce," Downing, who died earlier this year, said in a 2015 video about daylight saving.

The end of Daylight Saving Time for 2022 arrives this weekend when the clock will “fall back” one hour and in theory we get one extra hour of sleep.

Daylight Saving Time concludes at 2 a.m. on Sunday, Nov. 6, 2022.

The sun will set in Newark at 5:48 p.m. on Saturday. The following day — after Daylight Saving time concludes — sunset is more than an hour earlier at 4:47 p.m.

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@DaveMcK wrote:

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(POSTED BY DAVE) An elderly woman was walking her dog when a young man grabbed her purse and ran away. I asked if she was OK and she smiled and said that it's really no big deal because she carries her old purse to put her dog's poop in it until she gets home to dispose of it.

 

(NICOLE'S COMMENT. Sunday - November 20, 2022 1:39pm EST) Hi @DaveMcK , I am laughing so hard!!! Nicole 🙂

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Photos of the reroofing project on our building. There are around 24 apartments per floor. 

The first group are of the crane outside of Mary's bedroom window. 

 

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The second group are of the outside work going on over our 4th floor appartment.

 

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

Dealing with grief!

Grief is a very real thing and finding support is not always available. We have lost 5 family members and friends over the last 2 years.

Mary has found a support group here at our retirement center. It has been a positive experience for her but most of the people in the group are unwilling to share their personal issues. This is really a lost chance for them to learn to understand and deal with their own grief.

She feels sorry for them that they are having a hard time opening up and taking advantage of this group to help them deal with their own grief.

 

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@DaveMcK wrote:

Dealing with grief!

Grief is a very real thing and finding support is not always available. We have lost 5 family members and friends over the last 2 years.

Mary has found a support group here at our retirement center. It has been a positive experience for her but most of the people in the group are unwilling to share their personal issues. This is really a lost chance for them to learn to understand and deal with their own grief.

She feels sorry for them that they are having a hard time opening up and taking advantage of this group to help them deal with their own grief.

 

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👉 Thanks for sharing with us @DaveMcK ! 👈

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People with primary progressive aphasia are fighting against a condition in which they will continue to lose their ability to speak, read, write, and/or understand what they hear. Usually people with aphasia that results from stroke or head injury will experience improvement over time, often aided by speech therapy. This is not the case for people with primary progressive aphasia. However, individuals with PPA may benefit during the course of their illness by acquiring new communication strategies from speech-language pathologists. Some families have also learned new strategies through participation in Aphasia Community Groups.

Many people with aphasia find it helpful to carry identification cards and other materials that can help explain the person’s condition to others. ID cards are available from the the National Aphasia Association website. Some communication-assistive devices may also be helpful. Non-verbal techniques for communicating, such as gesturing and pointing to pictures, may help people with PPA express themselves.

Compard to Altimers this little know deterioration of brain functions receives little recognition in the medical world. 

My Brother-In-Law was a victim of PPA for well over a decade. I meet Rick in 1964 while in college and eventually married his sister-in-law in 1966. 

It was very difficult to watch him deteriorate over the last 10+ years of his life knowing that there was basically no chance of him improving. 

Yes Altimeter's needs to be cured or controlled but we need to combine efforts to cure all issues related to the human mind.

Unfortunately your or my mind could be the next one to fall victim to one of these mind blowing issues. 

May you all be blessed when it comes to having a healthy mind for rest of your life. 

 

 

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In a rural area a farmer was tending to his horse named Buddy, and along came a stranger who despartely needed the farmer's help. The stranger had lost control of his vehicle and ran it off into a ditch. The stranger asked the farmer if his horse could somehow pull the vehicle out of the ditch for him and told the farmer that the vehicle was small. The farmer said he would come, bring his horse, and take a look, but could not promise he could help if his horse might be injured in some way from attempting to pull the vehicle out of the ditch. The farmer did see that the stranger was correct and that the vehicle was small, so the farmer took a rope and fixed it so that his horse, Buddy, would be able to pull the vehicle out of the ditch. The farmer then said, "Pull, Casey, Pull," but the horse would not budge. The farmer then said, "Pull, Bailey, Pull," but the horse would not budge again. The farmer then said, "Pull, Mandy, Pull," and again the horse would not move. The farmer then said, "Pull, Buddy, Pull," and the horse pulled until the vehicle was out of the ditch. The stranger was so very grateful, but asked the farmer why he called the horse by different names? The farmer said, "Buddy is blind, and I had to make him think he had help pulling the car out of the ditch or he would not have pulled."

 

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SOARING LIKE AN EAGLE

Did you know that an eagle can foresee when a storm is approaching long before it breaks?

Instead of hiding, the eagle will fly to some high point and wait for the winds to come.

When the storm hits, it sets its wings so that the wind can pick it up and lift it above the storm. While the storm rages below, the eagle soars above it.

The eagle does not escape or hide from the storm; instead, it uses the storm to lift it higher. It rises on the stormy winds which others dread.

When the storm of life or challenges hits us, we can rise above them and soar like the eagle that rides the storm’s winds. Don’t be afraid of the storms or the challenges in your life. Use it to lift you higher in your life.

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