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Re: Funny Stories and Life Experiences

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Message 11 of 171

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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Re: Funny Stories and Life Experiences

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Message 12 of 171

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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Re: Funny Stories and Life Experiences

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Message 13 of 171

Dear Dave,

 

Image result for THANK YOU!!!

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Re: Funny Stories and Life Experiences

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Message 14 of 171

Facing the passing of a loved one!

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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Re: Funny Stories and Life Experiences

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Message 15 of 171

The Potato Peeler:

Sean was leaning against the counter in a Dublin bar enjoying a pint of Guinness when in walked his old friend Paddy looking decidedly glum.

What’s the matter with you Patrick?” said Sean. “You’ve got a face on you like a wet weekend.

Oh, Sean,” he said. “I’ve just been fired from my job in the Fish & Chip shop.

You’ve been fired? Now why would they do that to you Patrick? What did you do that was so bad?” Sean enquired.

Oh, I got caught putting my **bleep** in the potato peeler.” Paddy responded.

Oh, Paddy that’s terrible. What happened to the potato peeler?” Sean naturally enquired.

Oh she’s been fired too.” Said Paddy looking a little sheepish.

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Message 16 of 171

It's a military thing! When I see a Veteran or active duty person I will go over and thank a Brother or Sister for their service. 

 

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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Message 17 of 171

A married couple in their early 60s were out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

 

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, “For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.”

 

“Ooh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband,” said the wife. The fairy moved her magic wand and – abracadabra! – two tickets for the new QM2 luxury liner appeared in her hands.

 

Now it was the husband’s turn. He thought for a moment and said: “Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a lifetime, so, I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me”.

 

The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish…

 

So the fairy made a circle with her magic wand and "abracadabra!"-- the husband was 92 years old.

 

The moral of this story: Men are ungrateful idiots, Fairies are female!

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Message 18 of 171

 

When is the best time to start thinking about your retirement? Before your boss does!

 

* There are numerous advantages in being fifty, just ask any eighty year old!!!

 

* You're over the hill when your back goes out more than you do * You're getting old when there's no question in your mind that there's no question in your mind!

 

Laugh !..
Humour is a powerful antidote to stress. It can be a great way to relieve tension and could be as easy as renting a funny video and watching it at home , or even reading some of the following retirement jokes & quotes!!

 

 

Right now I'm having amnesia and
deja vu at the same time. I think
I've forgotten this before.

 

 

 

Newsflash!

Viagra is now available in
powder form for your tea.
It doesn't enhance sexual
performance but it does stop your
biscuit going soft.

 

If you live to be a 100 you've got it made, very few people die past that age!

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Message 19 of 171

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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Message 20 of 171

Charles Schulz Philosophy
 

 

    The following is the philosophy of Charles Schulz, the creator of the "Peanuts" comic strip. You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just read the e-mail straight through, and you'll get the point.

 

  1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
  2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
  3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America.
  4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize. 
  5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winner for best actor and actress.
  6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

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 How did you do?

 

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.


       

 

   Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

  1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
  2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
  3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
  4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
  5. Think of five people you enjoy spendingtime with.

 schultz4.gif

  

 

 Easier?

 

The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care.

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 "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia." (Charles Schulz)

 

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