Funny Stories and Life Experiences

[DaveMcK]

New topic featuring funny stories. 

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade…
So remember this story the next time …

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband..
She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
" Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.
You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s going to be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked,
and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot..
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job,
and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city.
They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door
and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said: “Who screwed up your hair?”

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[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

Mary and I went through the McDonald's driveway window for coffee and I gave the cashier a $5 bill.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.'
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.'
The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the people at MacD

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

Did you have a rurbarb patch when you were growing up?

Did your family make rurbarb crisp or pies from the rurbarb!

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

It’s a new day and I hope things get better. For this I do hope, may all of your problems be out on their way on this bright morning that starts this new day.

Happiness is not found at the end of the road, it is experienced along the way. So take not for granted each moment of your life and you will find a reason to be happy each day.

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

APRIL IS TESTICULAR CANCER AWARENESS MONTH. 

The AACR’s mission is to prevent and cure all forms of cancer.

This is food for thought.
With the side effects of chemo, hormone theropy and radiation, you will never be 100% again because your immune system is weak. It ruins marriages, families and relationships with friends. Because you're not the same again after cancer and treatments.
In the hardest moments you know who your real friends are or who the people are who appreciate you.
Unfortunately, like with most friendships, Facebook friends will leave you in the middle of a story. They want a post to “like”for the story, but they don't really read your message when they see it is long.
More than half have stopped reading. Someone may have already gone to the next post in their newsfeed.
I have decided to publish this post in support of close family, friends and relatives who have fought this horrible disease.
Now I'm focusing on those who take the time to read this post to the end ... a little test, just to see who reads and who shares without reading.
Cancer is a very aggressive and destructive enemy of our bodies.
Even after treatment, the body is devastated. It's a very long process.
Sadly, cancer is still the illness of the century. Please, in honour of someone who died, or who is battling cancer. Everyone says, “If you need anything, don't hesitate: I'll be there for you.“ So I'm going to make a bet, without being pessimistic: I know my family and friends will put it on their wall. You just have to copy (not share)!!! It's awareness month for this disease. I did it for someone very very special! We all know someone who stood before us, and who has fought or who is fighting this battle as well as even those we have lost. 
CANCER SUCKS…..

There are many ways in which you can lend your talents to support lifesaving research. Learn how you can become an advocate for cancer research, participate in events to raise awareness, volunteer your time, and share your story of how cancer has affected your life.

I have driven a good friend to  his cancer treatments. Mary's sister battled several types of cancer over her life. We spent many hours driving her to treatment or taking care of her cats, picking up groceries for her.

[DaveMcK]

Only someone who is ready for everything, who doesn’t exclude any experience, even the most incomprehensible, will live the relationship with another person as something alive and will himself sound the depths of his own being.

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

I'm ready for Spring! How about you?
Well it might be Spring on the calendar tomarow but someone forgot to tell Mother Nature!!!

[DaveMcK]

Fifty Shades of Life

“She sat at the back and they said she was shy,
She led from the front and they hated her pride,
They asked her advice and then questioned her guidance,
They branded her loud, then were shocked by her silence,
When she shared no ambition they said it was sad,
So she told them her dreams and they said she was mad,
They told her they'd listen, then covered their ears,
And gave her a hug while they laughed at her fears,
And she listened to all of it thinking she should,
Be the girl they told her to be best as she could,
But one day she asked what was best for herself,
Instead of trying to please everyone else,
So she walked to the forest and stood with the trees,
She heard the wind whisper and dance with the leaves,
She spoke to the willow, the elm and the pine,
And she told them what she'd been told time after time,
She told them she felt she was never enough,
She was either too little or far far too much,
Too loud or too quiet, too fierce or too weak,
Too wise or too foolish, too bold or too meek,
Then she found a small clearing surrounded by firs,
And she stopped...and she heard what the trees said to her,
And she sat there for hours not wanting to leave,
For the forest said nothing, it just let her breathe"

Unknown

Join us Fifty Shades of Life

[Aio]

Wow, so amazing. This made me tear up!

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

I’m not sure how many I have, but here goes nothing. Because this means a lot to me personally; I'm going to make a bet, that out of my friends, 10 will take the time to put this on their wall to help raise awareness of Mental Health (PTSD, depression, anxiety, and other mental health diagnoses) difficulties. ❤️
Dave ’done’

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

How to stay young!

1. Try everything twice.

On one woman’s tombstone she said she wanted this epitaph:

“Tried everything twice. Loved it both times!”

2. Keep only cheerful friends.

The grouches pull you down.

(Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches!)

3. Keep learning:

Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever…

Never let the brain get idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’

And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s!

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud.

Laugh until you gasp for breath.

And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.

6. The tears happen:

Endure, grieve, and move on.

The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. (and God is with me)

LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love:

Whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever …

Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health:

If it is good, preserve it.

If it is unstable, improve it.

If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don’t take guilt trips..

Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is (usually the past or the future)

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

I love you, my special friend.

[DaveMcK]

LIFE NEVER GETS OLD

• ~ Your kids are becoming you…but your grandchildren are perfect!
• ~ Going out is good… Coming home is better!
• ~ You forget names…But it’s OK because other people forgot they even knew you!
• ~ You realize you’re never going to be really good at anything…especially golf.
• ~ The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don’t care to do them anymore.
• ~ You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than in bed. It’s called “pre-sleep”.
• ~ You miss the days when everything worked with just an “ON” and “OFF” switch..
• ~ You tend to use more 4 letter words … “what?”…”when?”… ??
• ~ Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it’s not safe to wear it anywhere.
• ~ You notice everything they sell in stores is “sleeveless”?
• ~ What used to be freckles are now liver spots.
• ~ Everybody whispers.
• ~ You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet…. 2 of which you will never wear.
• ~ But “old” is good in some things:  Old Songs, Old movies, and best of all, OLD FRIENDS!!

[DaveMcK]

My two year old grand daughter, Emma, spent the night with me last night. When we awoke this morning, all snuggled together, she playfully pointed to my stomach and asked,” What’s that Mamaw?”

I said, “My fat belly.”

Again she pointed and questioned me. “What’s that Mamaw?”

I answered,” That’s Mamaw’s belly button. Do you have a belly button?”

Emma proudly pulled her shirt up and told me, “There’s my belly button Mamaw! Just like yours!”

She then pointed one last time, this time to my chest.” You have boobs Mamaw. Mine are all gone.”

I explained and assured her that her chest would grow as she grew.

She then informed me, “Well Mamaw, I want purple ones!”

Dear Lord don’t let me get Alzheimers! I want to remember this precious moment!