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Honored Social Butterfly

Funny Stories and Life Experiences

New topic featuring funny stories. 

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade…
So remember this story the next time …

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband..
She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
" Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.
You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s going to be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked,
and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot..
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job,
and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city.
They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door
and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said: “Who screwed up your hair?”

 

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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The Eye of the Beholder

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

Oh my, I am so sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you, " she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! ! Everything had been SO incredible! !! ! "You know, " he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet? "

"No, " she replies… ""You just happened to catch my eye."
Honored Social Butterfly

PERKS OF BEING OVER 50

 

Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
No one expects you to run--anywhere.
People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?"
People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
Things you buy now won't wear out.
You think humor must be good for your body, exercise and diets haven't worked well.
You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
You can live without sex but not without glasses.
You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
You sing along with elevator music.
Your eyes won't get much worse.
Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
You know more about prescription drugs than you pharmacist
You can't remember who sent you this list.
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.

 

Honored Social Butterfly

Your medical records could be recorded on Epics' " My Charts " a software company here in the Madison, Wisconsin area. 

 

Link: 

COVER STORY: Epic, the software company that's changed the sharing of medical records (including, probably, yours... | Watch Video
Correspondent Lee Cowan reports on an unusual Wisconsin company that is changing the way medical records are kept, accessed and disseminated. 

For more info:

       

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stories about kindness

 

A Brief Story of Kindness

A poor boy was selling goods from one door to another to pay for his studies. One day he found that he had only one dime left, and he was hungry. While approaching the next house, he decided to ask for a meal.  But when a young woman has opened the door, he only dared to ask for a glass of water. She looked at him and understood that probably the boy is hungry. So she brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it and then asked how much he owed her. The woman replied: "You don‘t own me anything. Mother taught us never to accept pay for a kindness“.   "Then I thank you from the bottom of my heart“, he said.   Now, he felt stronger not only physically, but his faith in God had grown as well. The boy's name was Howard Kelly.

 

Many years have passed. One day that woman became seriously ill. Local doctors could not help her. Therefore they sent her to a big city, where her rare disease would be studied by specialists. Dr Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he entered her room in the hospital, he immediately recognized the woman as the one who had shown kindness to him when he was poor.  So moved was he, the doctor was determined to do his best to help her recover from her disease.

 

The struggle was long, but together they managed to overcome her illness.  After some time, the woman received a bill for her treatment. She was worried that the amount to pay would be so significant, that it would take the rest of her life to pay for it. Finally, when the woman looked at the bill, she noticed words that were written on the side of the bill. The words were:  "Paid in full with a glass of milk!"

 

Honored Social Butterfly

Helicopter Ride

Walter took his wife Ethel to the state fair every year, and every time he would say to her, “Ethel, you know that I’d love to go for a ride in that helicopter.” But Ethel would always reply, “I know that Walter, but that helicopter ride is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars.”

Finally, they went to the fair, and Walter said to Ethel, “Ethel, you know I’m 87 years old now. If I don’t ride that helicopter this year, I may never get another chance.” Once again Ethel replied, “Walter, you know that helicopter is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars.”

This time the helicopter pilot overheard the couple’s conversation and said, “Listen folks, I’ll make a deal with you. I’ll take both of you for a ride; if you can both stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word I won’t charge you! But if you say just one word, it’s 50 dollars.”

Walter and Ethel agreed and up they went in the helicopter. The pilot performed all kinds of fancy moves and tricks, but not a word was said by either Walter or Ethel. The pilot did his death-defying tricks over and over again, but still there wasn’t so much as one word said. When they finally landed, the pilot turned to Walter and said, “Wow! I’ve got to hand it to you. I did everything I could to get you to scream or shout out, but you didn’t. I’m really impressed!”

Walter replied, “Well to be honest I almost said something when Ethel fell out but, you know, 50 dollars is 50 dollars!”

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Making the Most of Life Experiences

For me, life is about experiences. We all have to dream, strive, and fail before we can achieve success. Maybe we'll discover along the way that the journey is more important than the destination.

If you ask anyone what the purpose of life is, you’ll likely receive wildly different responses. The answer to this question is subjective and deeply personal. Different things are important to us throughout the course of our lives. Yet one thing stays with us no matter where we go: our experiences.

 

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Finding ways to make the most of our experiences is a challenge that we face every day. As humans we ascribe value to the things we do, and it’s understandable. We like to feel that what we are doing has purpose. It’s important to find fulfillment in our relationships and careers. Cultivate your friendships and find company cultures that fulfill you. It's from those experiences in life that we learn and grow. In this process of pursuing what we love, we can learn valuable lessons about ourselves and the world around us.

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25 PHOTOGRAPHS THAT CAPTURE THE BEAUTY OF OUR PLANET FROM ALL DIFFERENT ANGLES

Isn’t it lovely that we can share experiences through the power of Images? Photographers are often able to capture moments and stories from across the planet thereby showcasing the earth’s natural beauty. These photos not only shed light on our earth’s beauty but it’s fragility too.

 

Link:   https://hypegalore.com/25-photographs-that-capture-the-beauty-of-our-planet-from-all-different-angle...

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

The values we live by are worth more when we pass them on.

We choose values we hope most individuals would find encouraging and relevant. Then we provide an uplifting message based on each value, in an effort to encourage people to bring out the best in themselves.

As a nonpartisan, nonsectarian organization, we carefully design our public service messages to have general universal appeal.

The Foundation's small staff works with a network of writers, art directors and production professionals. These individuals represent a wide range of ideals, viewpoints and cultural backgrounds. Their diversity reinforces the idea that values can serve as common ground for all.

As a nonprofit organization offering public service announcements, we receive the generous support of air time and media space from many TV, radio and billboard companies. The Foundation does not pay for air time or media space, but rather benefits from donated media space which allows these messages to be seen and heard around the world.

My favorite public service notices on Television!

 

Best public service ads ever:  https://www.passiton.com/who-we-are

 

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Concert

Based on a true story, this poignant moment in a concert hall reminds us how even the most embarrassing situations can be turned around with a little patience and Encouragement.

 

Link:

https://www.passiton.com/inspirational-stories-tv-spots/100-concert/

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

Life Experience Story

 

 The Elephant Rope (Belief)

The Elephant Rope (Inspirational Short Stories)

A gentleman was walking through an elephant camp, and he spotted that the elephants weren’t being kept in cages or held by the use of chains.

All that was holding them back from escaping the camp, was a small piece of rope tied to one of their legs.

As the man gazed upon the elephants, he was completely confused as to why the elephants didn’t just use their strength to break the rope and escape the camp. They could easily have done so, but instead, they didn’t try to at all.

 

Curious and wanting to know the answer, he asked a trainer nearby why the elephants were just standing there and never tried to escape.

The trainer replied;

 

“when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.”

 

The only reason that the elephants weren’t breaking free and escaping from the camp was that over time they adopted the belief that it just wasn’t possible.

 

Moral of the story:

No matter how much the world tries to hold you back, always continue with the belief that what you want to achieve is possible. Believing you can become successful is the most important step in actually achieving it.

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

Can you believe I lasted less than a day as a retail store greeter?


Well, here's what happened.  True story. 

 

A few hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman came into the store with her two children, yelling at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly,
'Good morning, and welcome. Nice children you have there; are they twins?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's nine, and the other one's seven. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'
So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, ma'am, I just couldn't believe someone would make a baby with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'
The HR department said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.

 

P.S. -- I never really worked at Wal-Mart.

Honored Social Butterfly

BELIEVE IT OR NOT!

Older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for. It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature's way of making older people do more exercise.  SO THERE!!

P.S. -- I have some friends I should send this to, but right now I can't remember their names. So, please forward this to your friends......they may be my friends, too.

Honored Social Butterfly

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Regular Contributor

As soon as I saw the word Penguin I knew you where the Joker!

 

Yours Sincerely

BATMAN

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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@DaveMcK wrote:

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*****************************************

Here's my sentence:

 

That whippersnapper is a nincompoop who doesn't know his doohickey from a whatnot!

Regular Contributor

I was flabbergasted to see the whippersnapper create such shenanigans.

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I got all  17!

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

Dear Dave,

I remember every last thing on that list.  So I guess I am officially older than dirt!

Thank you, D-a-v-i-d!!!

 

 

Honored Social Butterfly

Signs that you have grown up, not just old!

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 a.m. is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up."
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog/cat Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps from noon to 6 PM.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 a.m. would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. If you're a gal, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate her instead of asking "How did that Happen!!?!
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old self. 

 

Honored Social Butterfly

Old-Timer Woes

At a nursing home in Florida, a group of senior citizens were sitting around talking about their aches and pains.  "My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.

 

"I know what you mean.  My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee," replied another.

 

"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.

 

"My blood pressure pills make me dizzy," another contributed.

 

"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head.

 

Then there was a short moment of silence.

 

"Well, it's not that bad," said one woman cheerfully.

 

"Thank God we can all still drive."

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