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Message 11 of 153

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Why 4 FEET 8.5 Inches is Very Important

Fascinating Stuff . . .

Railroad Tracks
The U.S. Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches.

That's an exceedingly odd number.
Why was that gauge used?

Because that's the way they built them in England,

and English expatriates designed the U.S. Railroads.

Why did the English build them like that?

Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.

Why did 'they' use that gauge then?

Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they had used

for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.

Why did the wagons have that particular Odd wheel spacing?
Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.

So, who built those old rutted roads?
Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (including England) for their legions. Those roads have been used ever since.

And the ruts in the roads?

Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match

for fear of destroying their wagon wheels.

Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome,

they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.

Therefore, the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches

is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot.

In other words, bureaucracies live forever.

So the next time you are handed a specification, procedure, or process, and wonder,

'What horse's ass came up with this?', you may be exactly right.

Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough

to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses.

Now, the twist to the story:

When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad,

you will notice that there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs.

The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah.

The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit larger,

but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site.

The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains

and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel.

The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know,

is about as wide as two horses' behinds.

So, a major Space Shuttle design feature
of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system

was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass.

And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important!

Now you know, Horses' Asses control almost everything.

Explains a whole lot of stuff, doesn't it?

The left lane on a multi lane highway is called the “passing lane” for a reason. 

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Message 12 of 153

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Message 13 of 153

 

   A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that car?"
He calmly told them, "I bought it today."
"With what money?" demanded his parents. We know what a Porsche costs..."
"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars."
So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?" they asked.
"It was the lady up the street," said the boy. "Don't know her name - they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars."
"Oh no!" moaned the mother, "She must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on."
So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias. He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.
"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn't intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did."

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Message 14 of 153

 

How about we start today with a good laugh. Happy Sunday everyone.

CAKE OR BED .........
A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS, "HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW."

HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY, "FIX THE LIGHTS NOW?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ‘GE' WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO."

“FINE," THEN THE WIFE ASKS, "WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT."

TO WHICH HE REPLIES, "FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ‘WESTINGHOUSE' WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO."

“FINE," SHE SAYS, "THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR?
THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK."

"I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS."
HE SAYS, "DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE 'HOME HARDWARE' WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO - I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU.
I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!!"

SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS...................... .. ......

HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME.

AS HE WALKS UP TO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.

AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.

AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

“HONEY," HE ASKS, "HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?”
SHE SAYS, "WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED.
JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM."

"HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER
GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE HIM A CAKE."

HE SAYS, "SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?"

SHE REPLIES, "HELLOOOOO... DO YOU SEE 'BETTY CROCKER' WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?”

    

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Message 15 of 153

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Old Farmer's Advice:

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
Words that soak into your ears are whispered... not yelled.
Meanness don't just happen overnight.
Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.
Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
You cannot unsay a cruel word.
Every path has a few puddles.
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
The best sermons are lived, not preached.
Most of the stuff people worry about, ain't never gonna happen anyway.
Don't judge folks by their relatives.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Live a good and honorable life, then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
Don't interfere with something' that ain't bothering you none.
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every morning'.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
If you get to thinking' you're a person of some influence, try ordering' somebody else's dog around.
Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, and enjoy the ride.
Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just shoot you!

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Message 18 of 153

An elderly gent was invited to his old friends' home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his with endearing terms-Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.

The couple had been married almost 70 years, and clearly they were still very  much in love. While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his host, "I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names."

The old many hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said, "I forgot her name about 10 years ago."

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Message 20 of 153

There are some honest people in this world! This is long but worth the read.

Waiter returns $424,000 check to customer who stiffed him

 

When a retired New York woman left her $424,000 cashier’s check at a local pizzeria, she said she felt her “world just collapsed." That is, until an unlikely hero came to save the day: the very waiter she burned with no tip and a sassy note.

After looking at a condo she hoped to buy, Karen Vinacour, her daughter and a real estate broker went to the historic Patsy’s Pizzeria in Manhattan to grab a slice of their signature brick-oven pizza — the same pizza enjoyed by the likes of Frank Sinatra, Al Pacino and even Justin Bieber. Tucked in a white envelope was a cashier’s check with the money she received from selling her last apartment. Vinacour, 79, planned to use the funds to put a down payment on what she hoped would be her brand new home.

That day, Armando Markaj, a pre-med student working his way through school, was assigned to their table. As the group enjoyed their lunch on the busy Saturday afternoon, the mother-daughter pair pointed out to Markaj that, out of all the framed photos of the owners with affluent customers on the wall, there seemed to be very few women.

“Maybe women don’t eat a lot of pizza?” Vinacour recalled Markaj replying.

Vinacour and her daughter were not amused, or pleased, with Markaj’s response.

“Well, my daughter’s kind of feisty and she didn’t like that,” Vinacour told the New York Daily News. Instead of leaving behind a decent tip, the pair left a note that read, “I guess women don’t tip either.”

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Unbeknownst to Vinacour, something else was left at the table as well: her half-million-dollar Citibank check.

“We’d pulled out my papers to go through all the financials again,” Vinacour told the New York Daily News. “I had no idea we left it behind.”

Markaj was cleaning up the table when he noticed a folded white envelope. “I just pulled up the flap and I saw ‘Citibank’ and thought it was important, so I ran out to the street to look for her, but she was gone,” Markaj said.

When he finally took a look at what was inside, it took him by surprise. Not knowing what to do, he called the store’s owner, Adem Brija. “He called me immediately and hands me this check and I was like, ‘Oh my god.’ I didn’t want to put it in my pocket it was so much money,” Brija tells Yahoo Lifestyle.

While the check had Vinacour’s name on it, Brija and his father Frank, who owns the entire Patsy’s chain, had difficulty tracking her down. “A few names and numbers came up online, but I didn’t want to risk calling the wrong person with this kind of money,” the 30-year-old store owners says.

“We decided we would hold on to the check for a couple days to see if she would drop by or if we could find her ourselves,” says Brija, adding that they planned to drop it off at a local police precinct if they hadn’t heard anything by May 10.

Meanwhile, Vinacour and her daughter became distressed when they discovered that Citibank could not begin the process of cancelling the check until three months later. That was when Vinacour said, “My world just collapsed.”

The former social worker has spent most of her retirement volunteering with charities to help underprivileged women and children. After selling her apartment, she was staying with friends and bouncing around from place to place while trying to get the financing to purchase a home. Even with a large down payment, pension and solid credit history, she was struggling to secure bank financing because of a student loan she took out for her daughter years ago.

Distraught, Vinacour furiously began retracing her steps. She had her daughter search through the household trash, went to a cafe across the street from Patsy’s where they had stopped to grab a coffee and even called the real estate broker that had dined with them at the restaurant.

When Vinacour rang up Patsy’s to check if she had left it at the restaurant, she didn’t know she had called the chain pizzeria’s wrong location and was devastated when they told her they had found nothing.

“She said she had called Patsy’s and nobody knew anything about a check,” Vinacour’s real estate broker told the Daily News. “I didn’t stop to think that maybe she called the wrong one.”

When Vinacour didn’t show up a few days later, Brija decided to enlist the help of the Daily News — and the reporters tracked down Vinacour almost immediately.

 

“Right here in the restaurant with us, they sat there, made some phone calls and she was in an Uber and here within 20 to 25 minutes,” Brija recalls.

When she arrived, both Brija and Markaj, the waiter she spurned, were waiting at the door. “She was so happy and she was in tears,” says Brija. “But, the second she saw Armando, you could see she got a little shy.”

Vinacour apologized for not tipping Markaj during her meal and offered to tip him this time around. But the 27-year-old declined the money. “I’m happy for her, really,” Markaj told the Daily News. “Saturdays are pretty busy and I was very close to taking everything left on the table and throwing it out when I saw an envelope.”

Markaj and Vinacour made up over more slices of Patsy’s pizza. Brija even took her around the restaurant to point out all the women on the wall she had missed the weekend before, including TV host Barbara Walters, First Lady Chirlane McCray and former City Council Speakers Christine Quinn and Melissa Mark-Viverito.

“We joked with her and said we’d add her picture up on the wall,” Brija tells Yahoo Lifestyle. He says he has a laminated copy of the front page of the paper with a picture of himself, his father and Vinacour. He plans to hang it on the wall of the restaurant. “Karen will hopefully be on our wall by Monday — and in our window,” Brija says, laughing.

Although Brija admits he was hoping the check belonged to a billionaire that would reward him for his good deed, he’s glad that he was able to help someone in need.

“When you can help someone, that’s more important. Just to see the relief on her face when she got her check back. It was a heartwarming moment,” the Patsy’s store owner tells Yahoo Lifestyle. “We’re just really happy we could help.”

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