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Re: Funny Stories and Life Experiences

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Message 31 of 168

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Re: Funny Stories and Life Experiences

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Message 32 of 168

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Re: Funny Stories and Life Experiences

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Message 33 of 168

An elderly gent was invited to his old friends' home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his with endearing terms-Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.

The couple had been married almost 70 years, and clearly they were still very  much in love. While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his host, "I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names."

The old many hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said, "I forgot her name about 10 years ago."

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Re: Funny Stories and Life Experiences

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Message 34 of 168

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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Re: Funny Stories and Life Experiences

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Message 35 of 168

There are some honest people in this world! This is long but worth the read.

Waiter returns $424,000 check to customer who stiffed him

 

When a retired New York woman left her $424,000 cashier’s check at a local pizzeria, she said she felt her “world just collapsed." That is, until an unlikely hero came to save the day: the very waiter she burned with no tip and a sassy note.

After looking at a condo she hoped to buy, Karen Vinacour, her daughter and a real estate broker went to the historic Patsy’s Pizzeria in Manhattan to grab a slice of their signature brick-oven pizza — the same pizza enjoyed by the likes of Frank Sinatra, Al Pacino and even Justin Bieber. Tucked in a white envelope was a cashier’s check with the money she received from selling her last apartment. Vinacour, 79, planned to use the funds to put a down payment on what she hoped would be her brand new home.

That day, Armando Markaj, a pre-med student working his way through school, was assigned to their table. As the group enjoyed their lunch on the busy Saturday afternoon, the mother-daughter pair pointed out to Markaj that, out of all the framed photos of the owners with affluent customers on the wall, there seemed to be very few women.

“Maybe women don’t eat a lot of pizza?” Vinacour recalled Markaj replying.

Vinacour and her daughter were not amused, or pleased, with Markaj’s response.

“Well, my daughter’s kind of feisty and she didn’t like that,” Vinacour told the New York Daily News. Instead of leaving behind a decent tip, the pair left a note that read, “I guess women don’t tip either.”

%facebook-url="https://www.facebook.com/PatsysPizzeria/posts/10153760353353385:0" columns="1" posttype="post"%

Unbeknownst to Vinacour, something else was left at the table as well: her half-million-dollar Citibank check.

“We’d pulled out my papers to go through all the financials again,” Vinacour told the New York Daily News. “I had no idea we left it behind.”

Markaj was cleaning up the table when he noticed a folded white envelope. “I just pulled up the flap and I saw ‘Citibank’ and thought it was important, so I ran out to the street to look for her, but she was gone,” Markaj said.

When he finally took a look at what was inside, it took him by surprise. Not knowing what to do, he called the store’s owner, Adem Brija. “He called me immediately and hands me this check and I was like, ‘Oh my god.’ I didn’t want to put it in my pocket it was so much money,” Brija tells Yahoo Lifestyle.

While the check had Vinacour’s name on it, Brija and his father Frank, who owns the entire Patsy’s chain, had difficulty tracking her down. “A few names and numbers came up online, but I didn’t want to risk calling the wrong person with this kind of money,” the 30-year-old store owners says.

“We decided we would hold on to the check for a couple days to see if she would drop by or if we could find her ourselves,” says Brija, adding that they planned to drop it off at a local police precinct if they hadn’t heard anything by May 10.

Meanwhile, Vinacour and her daughter became distressed when they discovered that Citibank could not begin the process of cancelling the check until three months later. That was when Vinacour said, “My world just collapsed.”

The former social worker has spent most of her retirement volunteering with charities to help underprivileged women and children. After selling her apartment, she was staying with friends and bouncing around from place to place while trying to get the financing to purchase a home. Even with a large down payment, pension and solid credit history, she was struggling to secure bank financing because of a student loan she took out for her daughter years ago.

Distraught, Vinacour furiously began retracing her steps. She had her daughter search through the household trash, went to a cafe across the street from Patsy’s where they had stopped to grab a coffee and even called the real estate broker that had dined with them at the restaurant.

When Vinacour rang up Patsy’s to check if she had left it at the restaurant, she didn’t know she had called the chain pizzeria’s wrong location and was devastated when they told her they had found nothing.

“She said she had called Patsy’s and nobody knew anything about a check,” Vinacour’s real estate broker told the Daily News. “I didn’t stop to think that maybe she called the wrong one.”

When Vinacour didn’t show up a few days later, Brija decided to enlist the help of the Daily News — and the reporters tracked down Vinacour almost immediately.

 

“Right here in the restaurant with us, they sat there, made some phone calls and she was in an Uber and here within 20 to 25 minutes,” Brija recalls.

When she arrived, both Brija and Markaj, the waiter she spurned, were waiting at the door. “She was so happy and she was in tears,” says Brija. “But, the second she saw Armando, you could see she got a little shy.”

Vinacour apologized for not tipping Markaj during her meal and offered to tip him this time around. But the 27-year-old declined the money. “I’m happy for her, really,” Markaj told the Daily News. “Saturdays are pretty busy and I was very close to taking everything left on the table and throwing it out when I saw an envelope.”

Markaj and Vinacour made up over more slices of Patsy’s pizza. Brija even took her around the restaurant to point out all the women on the wall she had missed the weekend before, including TV host Barbara Walters, First Lady Chirlane McCray and former City Council Speakers Christine Quinn and Melissa Mark-Viverito.

“We joked with her and said we’d add her picture up on the wall,” Brija tells Yahoo Lifestyle. He says he has a laminated copy of the front page of the paper with a picture of himself, his father and Vinacour. He plans to hang it on the wall of the restaurant. “Karen will hopefully be on our wall by Monday — and in our window,” Brija says, laughing.

Although Brija admits he was hoping the check belonged to a billionaire that would reward him for his good deed, he’s glad that he was able to help someone in need.

“When you can help someone, that’s more important. Just to see the relief on her face when she got her check back. It was a heartwarming moment,” the Patsy’s store owner tells Yahoo Lifestyle. “We’re just really happy we could help.”

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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Re: Funny Stories and Life Experiences

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Message 36 of 168

Reverend Ole was the pastor of the local Norwegian Lutheran Church, and Pastor Sven was the minister of the Swedish Covenant Church across the road.
I saw them yesterday standing by the road, pounding a sign into the ground, that reads:
"Da End iss Near!
Turn Yourself Aroundt Now!
Before It's Too Late!"
As a car sped past them, the driver leaned out his window and yelled, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!"

From the curve we heard screeching tires and a big splash...
Rev. Ole turns to Pastor Sven and asks, "Do ya tink maybe da sign should yust say 'Da Bridge is Out'?" 😜

 

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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Re: Funny Stories and Life Experiences

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Message 37 of 168

RETIRED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local Target:

 

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;
'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

 

If you don't send this to your dearest friends; You will be depriving them of some good humor.

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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Re: Funny Stories and Life Experiences

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Message 38 of 168

I found this interesting article on the Next Avenue website.  It bodes the question of just what makes us retire and/or if we're just too pooped to participate.

 

Downshifting From a Life in Overdrive:

Do we slow down because we retire? Or do we retire because we slow down? 

By Jill Smolowe April 29, 2019

Do you think that when we slow down, it’s because we’re aging or because the nature of retired life demands less of us?

I ask because, as I near 64, I look with a mix of wonder and bewilderment at the politicians, judges and entertainers who are more than a decade older than I and going full-tilt at their careers. Where do they get their energy? Are they aberrations? Or do their demanding jobs keep them young?

I ask because, as I approach retirement, I see indications of slow-down. I can’t tell if what I’m experiencing (common things like short-term memory loss, diminishing energy reserves, earlier bedtime) is a natural byproduct of aging or if it’s the unintended side effect of stepping away from the fast-paced life of a demanding job.

Am I, in other words, slowing down because I’m moving toward retirement? Or am I moving toward retirement because I’m slowing down?

It’s not that I can’t stay at my desk and crank out copy when an editor needs it. (Nothing like a deadline to focus your attention and energy.) But most days there are no deadlines beyond those I impose on my own writing projects. Unlike decades past, when nothing less than three to four hours of concentrated writing would satisfy me, I now feel sated after two hours of dedicated writing. Some days, I feel pretty drained, actually.

Is that because I’ve lost the habit of putting in long hours? If so, am I my own co-conspirator in my aging process, allowing changing habits to hasten the process? Or is this slow-down driven by biology, a natural part of the aging process that’s demanding I slow my pace, whether I like it or not?

Certainly, my disinclination to put in long hours — let alone late hours — supports my sense that I would not relish a full-time workload at this point in my life. I like my less-jammed, roomier schedule. I like having the ability to choose what kinds of work, paid or volunteer, I take on. I likehaving the opportunity to explore activities that I haven’t investigated before.

I don’t, however, like days when I have little on my calendar.

Granted, many of these are weekend days, but given the absence of a regular workweek, it makes little difference to me if it’s a Tuesday or a Sunday. Where once such an abundance of unstructured time would have filled me with joy, now it sometimes drags on me — a weight that makes me wonder if, by leaving the regular workforce, I’m accelerating my aging.

A Checklist of Interests

Certainly, I’ve made efforts to fill the expanded free time with worthwhile and satisfying endeavors. In addition to getting certified as a life coach in order to launch a post-retirement, part-time career as a grief and divorce coach, I’ve been proactive about developing the sorts of interests that retirees are encouraged to explore.

Volunteer work? Check. (I’m a crisis counselor on the Crisis Text Line, a 24/7 hotline that offers support to people of all ages in all 50 states.)

Exercise? Check. (I attend Pilates classes four, sometimes five times a week. I think I’m actually more fit now than I was in my thirties when I was lucky if I could squeeze in a lunchtime yoga class once a week.)

Creative activity? Check. (Took a drawing class. Not my cup of creativity. It probably didn’t help that my drawings looked worthy of a fourth grader. I also dove into coloring for several months. Not quite sure why I’ve let that one slide. Maybe I tired of all those mandalas.)

Soul enrichment? Check. (Been meditating for two years now. More days than not, I put in 15 minutes on the proverbial cushion; once a week, I participate in an hour-long sit with a group.)

Friends? Check. (In addition to maintaining old relationships, I’ve nurtured new ones, among them my meditation and Pilates buddies.)

Grandchildren? (Not yet, and none in sight. But my husband and I did get a puppy recently. Very entertaining. The dog, that is; not the pee and poop accidents.)

All of this is supplemented by activities that I hope will help keep my brain cells active and healthy. I listen to lots of thoughtful podcasts (a substitute, of sorts, for the interesting office conversations about international and domestic issues I used to enjoy with fellow journalists). I play a few online games that challenge my speed, logic and vocabulary. (Also, hey, they’re fun.)

And I read. A lot. Novels. Memoirs. Nonfiction. As for my news diet, I swear I consume more newspaper, magazine and online articles now than I did when I was a working journalist. I’d like to believe the time I’m putting in is not only well invested, but a reflection of the times we’re living in. (All the truths I held to be self-evident while earning a BA in politics back in the ’70s are now being tested so rigorously that I sometimes feel like I’m earning another degree, this time at the Ph.D level.)

The Value of ‘Intentional Idleness’

But then I remember a friend’s father from childhood days, one who seemed older than most of the other dads. Didn’t matter what time of day I showed up to play with my friend, there was her father, reading The New York Times in the living room. I remember thinking: Doesn’t he have anything else to do?

Don’t I?

I ask because, as I move closer to retirement, I look at those septuagenarian and octogenarian politicians, judges and entertainers, and I wonder: Are they doing it right? Am I doing it wrong? Did The Beatles throw down a false marker on this “when I’m 64” business?

Then I think about what those elders’ days must be. All that running around. All that doing what they’ve been doing for the last several decades. Do I really want to keep tilting in the same direction I always have? Where’s the learning curve in that?

I have a meditation friend who speaks of “intentional idleness.” He encourages people to let go of so much busyness and slow the pace. Only when we’re not rushing through our days, he says, can we create space for the new to arise.

I like the sound of that.

Jill Smolowe
 By Jill Smolowe
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Re: Funny Stories and Life Experiences

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Message 39 of 168

Don't wake up until ten
Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home. "Sixty is the worst age to be," announced the sixty year old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!" "Ah, that's nothing," said the seventy year old. "When you're seventy, you can't take a crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran - you sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out !" "Actually," said the eighty year old, "Eighty is the worst age of all." "Do you have trouble peeing too?", asked the sixty year old. "No ... not really. I pee every morning at 6AM. I piss like a race horse - no problem at all." "Do you have trouble taking a crap?", asked the seventy year old. "No, not really. I have a great bowel movement every morning at 6:30." With great exasperation, the sixty year old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at six o'clock and take a crap every morning at six thirty. What's so tough about being eighty ?" To which the eighty year old replied, "I don't wake up until ten."

 

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Re: Funny Stories and Life Experiences

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Message 40 of 168

Repost I believe!

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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