Eye scans and gene editing are among the new frontiers in Alzheimer’s research! Learn more in AARP’s report on medical breakthroughs.

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 391 of 2,654

A Muslim, a Jew, a Christian and an Athiest all walk into a coffee shop.

They talk, laugh, drink coffee and become friends...

 

It's not a joke, it's what happens when you're not an a--h---!

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 392 of 2,654

bY jEFF fOXWORtHy

 

iF YOU CONSIDER TELEVISION DANGEROUS, BUT ROUTINELY CARRY EXPLOSIVES IN YOUR CLOTHING, YOU MAY BE A MUSLIM.

 

IF YOU WERE AMAZED TO DISCOVER THAT CELL PHONES HAVE USES OTHER THAN SETTING OFF ROADSIDE BOMBS, YOU MAY BE A MUSLIM.

 

IF YOU FIND THIS OFFENSIVE, AND DO NOT FORWARD IT, YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM HERE IN AMERICA, BUT IF YOU DELETE THIS, YOU ARE MOST LIKELY A MUSLIM.

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 393 of 2,654

Well, I hope you're Hunky Dorey after you read this and chuckle...by Richard Lederer.

 

About a month ago I illuminated some old expressions that have become obsolete because of the inexorable march of technology. These include "Don't touch that dial"..."Carbon copy"..."You sound like a broken record" and "Hung out to dry".

Back in the olden days we had a lot of Moxie. We'd put on our best bib and tucker to straighten up and fly right. Heavens to Betsy ! Gee whilikers ! Jumping Jehoshaphat! Holy moley!

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 394 of 2,654

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

 

"Who is Don Trump?" The better queston may be, "What is Don Trump?"...

 

Answer ... A giant middle finger from average Americans to the political and media establishment.

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 395 of 2,654

Mirror mirror on the wall...

You're not playing fair at all!

 

I'm really now upset with you,

For giving me a distorted view.

 

You show my hair is turning gray,

It's just the way the shadows play.

 

I know that your not hanging straight,

To make me look so over weight.

 

The way you show a double chin,

Is just the way the light comes in.

 

I think I'm fine , but you're unwise

To put such accent on my thighs.

 

I wish you'd try to be my friend,

And tell me I'm a little thin.

 

Just tell me I look good in jeans

, frilly shirts and pretty things.

 

Please don't let the wrinkles show,

I'd like to have a pretty glow.

 

I see you won't respond at all....

So I'll just take you off the wall !

 

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 396 of 2,654

If tomatoes are technically a fruit.... is ketchup a smoothie?

 

Money is the root of all wealth.

 

Two Irishmen are drinking at a bar. One says "Did you know that Elks have sex 10-15 times a day?  "Aw sh--" was the reply, "I just joined the Knights of Columbus!"

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 397 of 2,654
HAHAHAHA......Nice!!!!!!
Don Bennett
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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 398 of 2,654

I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one...

 

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

 

I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn't find it.

 

If at first you don't succeed, sky diving is not for you !

 

Sometimes I wake up grumpy, other times I let him sleep.

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 399 of 2,654

Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home, when you wish they were.

 

Behind every great man, is a woman rolling her eyes...

 

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

 

Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking, than men spend thinking.

 

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

 

Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 400 of 2,654

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is unexpected...and is oft times quite humorous.

 

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.

 

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.

 

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

 

I'm great at multi-tasking.... I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at the same time.

 

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

 

Take my advice, I'm not using it.

 

My wife and I were happy for twenty years, then we met...

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