AARP Hearing Center
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer ", the old man says. We're sick and tired of each other,and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her. " And he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes over the phone....
"Like heck they're getting a divorce," she says. "I'll take care of this."
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man. "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then don't do a thing...DO YOU HEAR ME?" And then she hangs up.
The old man hangs up the phone, smiles and turns to his wife. "They're both coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way !" 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
May your stuffing be tasty....
May your turkey be plump...
May your potatoes and gravy,
Have never a lump.
May your yams be delicious...
And your pies take the prize...
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!
PASS THIS ALONG TO ALL OF THE TURKEYS YOU MIGHT KNOW !!
In Response to Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY- " I didn't know THAT! by J0yce1
Hi Joyce1 I didn't know THAT! lol 🙂
yes I've been of those types
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
* A tip just in time for those Thanksgiving pies!
Granny Adams made such beautiful pies ! One day, I asked her, "How do you get such beautiful pies with the crimps around the edge so even?"
"Well, it's a family secret." she said. "But if you promise not to tell, I'll let you in on it."
"Okay," I said. "Tell me!"
"Well, first, I roll out the dough, making sure it is flat and even. Then I cut out the bottom layer and carefully put it in the plate and make sure it is firmly against the sides of the plate."
"Then I slowly pour in the filling, making sure it's not too full."
"Next, I cut out the top layer and carefully put it over the filling.
"Finally, I take out my teeth and just run them around the edge of the pie crust and they make the nicest even impressions you ever did see!" 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by dustbusterz
Circulation 
so that's what my problem is ?
Now I know 
thanks dustbusterz
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by dustbusterz
A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a young boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm.
He stopped and asked the boy, "Where did you get that turkey?"
The boy replied, "What turkey?"
The game warden said, "That turkey you're carrying under your arm."
The boy looks down and said, "Well, lookie here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!"
The game warden said, "Now look, you know that turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you."
The little boy said, "I guess I'll just kiss his ass and let him go!"
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
A very HAPPY THANKSGIVING to all . May you all spend the holiday with family and friends. Enjoy !! 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
A lady was looking for a turkey, but couldn't find one big enough. So she asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am...their dead!"
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
A man and woman were having a quiet romantic dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands...
Their waitress, taking another order nearby, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned.
The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still the woman appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware her dining companion had disappeared.
The waitress went over to the table and said, "Pardon me ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table. The woman calmly looked up at her and said, "No, he didn't, he just walked in the door." 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
Bonnie -thanks
If you've ever worked for a boss who-
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
If you've ever worked for a boss who reacts before getting all the facts and thinking things through, you'll love this!
Feeling it was time for a shake up, the newly hired CEO was determined to rid the company of all slackers...
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400. a week, why?"
The CEO said, "Wait right here," he walked back to his office, came back in two minutes and handed the guy $1600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks pay, Now GET OUT and don't come back."
Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO loked around the room and then asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"
From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery from Domino's"
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys, their cell phone, and pinning the tail on the donkey...
But I'd bet everyone can find and push their snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time.
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
Once upon a time there was a very handsome male camel with huge camel humps..
He fell in love with and married a beautiful female camel who had 1 perfect camel hump.
As time progressed, they became the proud parents of a wonderful baby camel who had no humps !
They contemplated long and hard on what to call their beautiful little boy.
They finally decided on....................
ready???????
Humphrey. 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
How do you know when you're too old to wear a mini skirt?
In Response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital ~
lol 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
An oldie, but a goodie.....
A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital. She asked timidly, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing"?
The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number of the patient?"
The grandmother,in her weak, tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, room 302."
The operator replied, "Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse's station for that room."
After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said,"I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine, her blood work just came back normal and her Physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow."
The grandmother said," Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good news."
The operator replied," You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"
The grandmother said, " No, I'm Norma Findlay in room 302. No one tells me sh -- !!! "
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
How do you know when you're too old to wear a mini skirt?
Ans : When your boobs start showing.
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
I was tired yesterday,and I'm tired again today. this is sooooo true 
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