AARP Eye Center
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
Give us a sense of humor...
Give us the grace to see a joke....
To get some humor out of life..
And pass it on to other folk ! 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
Patrick's pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma.
After being in a coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees she's no longer pregnant. Frantically she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies "Ma'am, you had twins..a boy and a girl. The babies are fine, however, they were poorly at birth , and had to be christened immediately, so your brother Patrick came in and named them.
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh suffrin' Jesus no, not me brother, he's a clueless idiot!"
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's me daughter's name?"
"Denise," says the doctor.
The new mother is somewhat relieved, "WOW, that's a beautiful name, I guess I was wrong about me brother, she thought ..."I really like Denise."
Then she asks, "What's the boys' name?"
The doctor replies............ "Denephew." 
a good one 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
NEW DAFFYNITION OF LIQUIDITY:
Liquidity is when you look at your retirement funds, and wet your pants. 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
A new priest, born and raised in Texas, comes to serve in a city parish, and is nervous about hearing confessions. So he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions.
The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand and try saying things like 'yes, I see,' and 'yes, go on,' and 'I understand."
The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with one hand and repeats all the suggested remarks to the old priest.
The old priest says, "There now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying,"No sh--, what happened next?"
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by Fattaddison
A Police STOP at 1 AM
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a.m. and is asked where
he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the
effects it has on the human body."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time
of night?" The man replies,"That would be my wife." lol
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
Cowboy: "Give me 3 pkgs. of condoms please."
Cashier: " Do you need a paper bag for that, sir?"
Cowboy: " Nah... she ain't that ugly!"
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by Fattaddison
Fattaddison- for give me I didn't know you were a member of Share a Joke - this group is full of - 
nell
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for the teacher.
The grocer's son brought a basket full of assorted fruit.
The florist's son brought a pretty bouquet of flowers.
The candy store owner's daughter gave the teacher a box of candy.
The liquor store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and noticed it was leaking a little bit. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine"? she guessed. "No", the boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, "Champagne?"
"No," said the little boy, "It's a puppy." 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
You know you're getting older when happy hour is a nap ! 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
A little known fact:
The 1st testicular guard, the 'cup' was used in a hockey game in 1874. The first helmet was used in 1974... that means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important !
Ladies...... quit laughing! 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
WELCOME Fattaddison ! Thanks for joining us, and hope to be able to exchange a few smiles with you.
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
The reason politicians try so hard to get re-elected, is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed ! 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
My grandaughter asked me what it was like to be old....
So I told her.....
"Put cotton in your ears, pebbles in your shoes, pull on rubber gloves and smear vaseline over your glasses and there you have it !"
Instant old age
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by Hal
alot bad things can be said about pedaphiles,but they slow down at school
Hal
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
I'm on two diets. One doesn't give me enough to eat...
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
Why is getting old so funny-
God answers "Knee Mail"
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
If you ever get the sudden urge to run around naked...
You should sniff some Windex first. It will keep you from streaking.... 
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