AARP Hearing Center
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by Hal
Hal~glad to see you post 
'what you like for dinner my
love, 🙂
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
A tough-looking group of bikers were riding , when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "Hey, what are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide". the jumper replies.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity, so he asked, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?" So she does, and long lingering kiss.
After she's finished, the biker says, "WoW! That was great, the best kiss I ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you commiting suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl." 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by Hal
HI Hal.....
Greetings from the Ass Family
Wise
Smart
Lazy
Kiss
Dumb 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
ABCDEFGH---IJK
After being married for thirty years....a wife asked her husband to describe her. |
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
A Maine State Trooper pulled a car over on I-95 about 12 miles south of the New Brunswick/Maine state line.
When the Trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a juggler and a magician and was on his way to Bangor to do a show that night at the Shrine Circus and didn't want to be late.
The Trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket.
The driver told the Trooper that he has sent all of his equiptment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.
The Trooper told him he has some flares in the trunk of the patrol car and asked if he could juggle those.
The juggler stated that he could, so the Trooper got three flares, found a lighter, lit them up and handed them to the juggler.
While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled up in behind the patrol car. A drunk, good old boy, from Limestone, He got out and watched the performance briefly. He then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.
The Trooper observed him doing this and went over to the car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.....
The drunk replied, "You might as well take my sorry ass to jail, there's no way in hell I can pass that test !!" 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
An oldie but a goodie:
While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare,"It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
He then addressed the men. "Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?"
Frank leaned over, touched Ann's arm gently and whispered....
"Gold Medal All-Purpose, isn't it?"
And thus began another day of marital silence for Frank. 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
The little #!*X got our gorgeous 18 yr. old next door neighbor pregnant!"
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
Dave was staring sadly into his pint of beer and sighed heavily...
"What's up Dave?" asked his landlord. "It's not like you to be so down in the mouth."
"It's my 4 yr.old son," said Dave.
"Don't tell me he's in trouble for fighting at school? My lad does the same thing."
"I wish", said Dave.
"It's worse than that. The little #!*X got our gorgeous 18 yr. old next door neighbor pregnant!"
"Get out ! That's impossible," gasped the landlord.
"It's not," said Dave.
"The little devil stuck a pin in all my condoms!" 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by nell2
Every woman should have 4 pets in her life:
A mink in her closet..
A jaguar in her garage..
A tiger in her bed...
And a jackass who pays for everything.
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
Remember this everytime you pass that little penny in the lot. I always thought that it was for Good Luck, but I love this version.
I found a penny today
Just lying on the ground..
But it's not just a penny,
this little coin I've found.
Found pennies come from Heaven,
That's what my Grandpa told me,
He said Angels toss them down,
Oh, how I loved that story.
He said when an angel misses you
they toss a penny down...
Sometimes just to cheer you up,
to make a smile out of your frown.
So, don't pass by that penny,
when you're feeling blue...
It may be a penny from Heaven,
than an Angel's tossed to you.
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY !
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by Oldkayaker
I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite..
I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth.
I tried for this a few more times with no success.All the while, my wife Linda is watching from the kitchen window muttering to herself."How come men have to be told how to do everything?" She opened the window and yelled, "You need a piece of tail!"
I turned with a confused look on my face and said, "Make up your mind. Last night you told me to go fly a kite!" 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
Maya Angelou says, " You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things:
A rainy day
Lost luggage
And tangled Christmas lights.
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by Readhead01
Good Morning and Welcome ! I will be away for the next few days, but anyone so inclined can post a giggle or two. Have a nice day , and thanks for posting. 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat. His wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks, "Where are you going?"
He replies, " I'm going to the doctor."
She says,"Why, are you sick?"
He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff." Immediately the wife starts working and positioning herself to get out of her rocker and begins to put her coat on...
He says, "Where the hell are you going?" She answers, "I'm going to the doctor too." He says, "Why, what do you need?"
She says, "If you're going to start to use that rusty old thing again, I'm getting a tetanus shot !" 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
BURGLARY IN FLORIDA
(You just can't make this stuff up.)
When southern Florida resident Nathan Radlich's house was burglarized, thieves ignored his wide screen plasma TV, his VCR, and even his Rolex watch.
What they did take , however, was a generic white cardboard box filled with a grayish-white powder..They thought it was cocaine and that they had hit the big time. Later, Nathan stood in front of numerous TV cameras and pleaded with the burglars; "Please return the cremated remains of my sister, Gerturde. She died three years ago."
The next morning, the bullet riddled corpse of a local drug dealer known as Hoochie Pevens was found on Nathan's doorstep. The cardboard box was also there, about half of Aunt Gertrude's ashes remained.
Taped to the box was this note:
"Hoochie sold us the bogus blow, so we wasted Hoochie. Sorry we snorted your sister. No hard feelings."
"Have a nice day."
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