IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING POSITIVE, UPLIFTING, OR FUNNY TO SAY, LET'S HEAR IT!!!

[LydiaN586309]

Hello my fellow AARP members!

There is so much negative talk on this (our community boards) that I thought it would be nice to open up a message board were we can share some positive thoughts, encouraging stories, and uplifting experiences. 

Anything will do--a joke, a short story, some positive words just to give our fellow AARP members something to lift their spirits today. 

[nli28210]

Thank you for starting this and thanks to everyone who posted to this thread. Keeping it coming!

[ms1877]

An Inventer in the 1500s actually made the first automobile, I kid you not.

He painstakingly hand huned the thing out of wood, top to bottom.

It had a wooden chassie, it had a wooden body, it even had wooden interior detaling and wooden wheels too!

There was just one  problem and it's why he was never heard of...

Wooden start 

[Chagnon]

Noah the Procrastinator

Noah is standing in a field, surrounded by lots of wood pieces, and it is starting to rain lightly.  Noah declares to no one in particular "I'll start working after the rain stops".

Bad decision.

[la4281]

Ole and Lena were at a picnic in a city park where the Pope was going to speak to a large audience. They were sitting directly in front of the Pope. Lena then got up and walked to the refreshment stand to get some soft drinks to take back while Ole took out the food from their picnic basket and placed it on the table. When Lena was walking back to where Ole was, she saw the Pope make the sign of the cross right in front of their table. When she got back to Ole she asked, “Oh, did the Pope bless our food?”Ole said “No he just said, If that is Lutefisk, get it out of here!”

Lynn Assimacopoulos  (Author of Separated Lives"

[la4281]

Two female dogs and one male dog were sitting in a row at a dog show.  The first one said “Myname is Mimi----M-I-M-I.”  The second one said “My name is Fifi---F-I-F-I.” The third one said “My name is Fido----“P-H-Y-D-E-A-U-X.”

Lynn Assimacopoulos    (Author of Separated Lives)

[2Papa]

Do you know what a shotgun wedding is?  It’s a matter of wife or death!

Did you hear about the Hispanic firefighter whose wife gave birth to twin boys?

They named them Jose and JosB!

Drum roll please!

[LydiaN586309]

[LydiaN586309]

So true!

[LydiaN586309]

[LydiaN586309]

[SandraB622802]

My autistic granddaughter overhead me talking on the phone about going on a date after 17 years. Since I just turned 64, I wanted to go out with someone my age as I had been the caregiver for my twin granddaughters who both have autism, but this one is high functioning. 

As she listened to me talk with my girlfriends, she said after I hung up "I don't think grandmothers should be going out on dates. None of my friends ever mentioned their grandmothers going on dates so you should not either".

She was so serious about it that I wanted to laugh...but I didn't. Children....you gotta love the things they say. 

[LydiaN586309]

Take a sprinkle of each to brighten your day.

[LydiaN586309]

Each and every day!

[LydiaN586309]

AND SO AM I!

[LydiaN586309]

ABSOLUTELY!

[bd8344]

I second that!  There is just too much negativity in the world right now and we need more positive thoughts in our life each day!

[ReTiReD51]

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - 
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. 
This is how it manifests: 


I decide to water my garden. 
As I turn on the hose in the driveway, 
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing. 

As I start toward the garage, 
I notice mail on the porch table that 
I brought up from the mail box earlier. 

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car...
I lay my car keys on the table, 
put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, 
and notice that the can is full. 

So, I decide to put the bills back 
on the table and take out the garbage first. 


But then I think, 
since I'm going to be near the mailbox 
when I take out the garbage anyway, 
I may as well pay the bills first. 

I take my check book off the table, 
and see that there is only one check left. 


My extra checks are in my desk in the study, 
so I go inside the house to my desk where 
I find the cup of coffee I'd been drinking. 


I'm going to look for my checks, 
but first I need to push the coffee aside 
so that I don't accidentally knock it over. 


The coffee is getting cold, 
and I decide to put it in the microwave to reheat it. 

As I head toward the kitchen with the coffee, 
a vase of flowers on the counter 
catches my eye--they need water. 

I put the coffee on the counter and 
discover my reading glasses that 
I've been searching for all morning. 

I decide I better put them back on my desk, 
but first I'm going to water the flowers. 


I set the glasses back down on the counter, 
fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. 
Someone left it on the kitchen table. 


I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, 
I'll be looking for the remote, 
but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, 
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, 
but first I'll water the flowers. 


I pour some water in the flowers, 
but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. 

So, I set the remote back on the table, 
get some towels and wipe up the spill. 


Then, I head down the hall trying to 
remember what I was planning to do. 

At the end of the day:

the car isn't washed

the bills aren't paid

there is a cold cup of coffee sitting on the counter 

the flowers don't have enough water,

there is still only 1 check in my check book,

I can't find the remote,

I can't find my glasses,

and, I don't remember what I did with the car keys. 

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, 
I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day, 
and I'm really tired. 

[LydiaN586309]

---

@ReTiReD51 wrote:

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - 
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. 
This is how it manifests: 


I decide to water my garden. 
As I turn on the hose in the driveway, 
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing. 

As I start toward the garage, 
I notice mail on the porch table that 
I brought up from the mail box earlier. 

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car...
I lay my car keys on the table, 
put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, 
and notice that the can is full. 

So, I decide to put the bills back 
on the table and take out the garbage first. 


But then I think, 
since I'm going to be near the mailbox 
when I take out the garbage anyway, 
I may as well pay the bills first. 

I take my check book off the table, 
and see that there is only one check left. 


My extra checks are in my desk in the study, 
so I go inside the house to my desk where 
I find the cup of coffee I'd been drinking. 


I'm going to look for my checks, 
but first I need to push the coffee aside 
so that I don't accidentally knock it over. 


The coffee is getting cold, 
and I decide to put it in the microwave to reheat it. 

As I head toward the kitchen with the coffee, 
a vase of flowers on the counter 
catches my eye--they need water. 

I put the coffee on the counter and 
discover my reading glasses that 
I've been searching for all morning. 

I decide I better put them back on my desk, 
but first I'm going to water the flowers. 


I set the glasses back down on the counter, 
fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. 
Someone left it on the kitchen table. 


I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, 
I'll be looking for the remote, 
but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, 
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, 
but first I'll water the flowers. 


I pour some water in the flowers, 
but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. 

So, I set the remote back on the table, 
get some towels and wipe up the spill. 


Then, I head down the hall trying to 
remember what I was planning to do. 

At the end of the day:

the car isn't washed

the bills aren't paid

there is a cold cup of coffee sitting on the counter 

the flowers don't have enough water,

there is still only 1 check in my check book,

I can't find the remote,

I can't find my glasses,

and, I don't remember what I did with the car keys. 

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, 
I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day, 
and I'm really tired. 

**************************************

This post had me laffing out loud and if I could have gotten down there, I would have been rolling on the floor!  lol lol lol

---

[bradfordjeff]

I just finished a book about a toad and his excellent adventures, but he didn't go anywhere.  It was called "The Toad Less travelled."

[dayzfan]

Yesterday someone told me I was pretty!  Actually what they said was that I was pretty annoying. But I try to look on the positive side.

[jgarr45]

Last week while waiting for a red light to change I began reading the bumper stickers on the truck in front of me, most were humorous, but one really impressed me.  This thought is so needed in the politcal, rancorous world of today.

"WE DON'T HAVE TO AGREE ON ANYTHING

TO BE KIND TO ONE ANOTHER"

[2Papa]

Hmmmmm, oh here is something positive:  2 4 6 8 10 12 14......................

[Chagnon]

A wise but desperate manager once said to his staff eager for some pearls of wisdom “ I have good news and I have bad news”.  “The good news is that I have no bad news, the bad news is that’s all the good news I have”.

[p453023b]

My 8 year old autistic grandson loves to eat toast for breakfast. He also likes to butter it himself. The other day he got upset while he was doing this. I asked him what was wrong and he said "that hard butter murdered my toast!"

[AmyB239653]

52 and rockin’ it!

Click link to to see what Senior” means for me!🥁🎶🥁🎶🥁

https://youtu.be/jlnqI8NM5AU

[DoryAnne2]

Appropriate for seniors, I heard a quote I love:  "Never regret getting older, it's a privilege denied to many."  So true.  As I age, I try to focus on the positive more and just trust God for the future.  

[c179991m]

I recently listened to a TED talk that stated (in summary) "Who we really are is who we were before anyone or anything told us who we had to be."  

It's never too late to mull that over and make even a small change or plan that allows the inner you to be set free!  Try it for yourself; no one will do it for you!

[LydiaN586309]

A panda walks into a bar and gobbles some beer nuts. Then he pulls out a gun, fires it in the air, and heads for the door. "Hey!" shouts the bartender, but the panda yells back, "I'm a panda. Google me!" Sure enough, panda: "A tree-climbing mammal with distinct black-and-white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

[ms1877]

You got a chuckel  out of me on that one.