Super Contributor

Designing Your Death

I'm putting this thread under "Leisure & Lifestyle" because it's really not about grief, loss or health.  It's about the envitalbe death every single person (unless you're an Enoch fan) will experience.  

Personally, I want to have a little fun with it, and I have.  Also, Iike the pressure it will take off my family when I finally die.  

So, I'll post what I've got so far and hope someone else will too, if anyone else has someting like this.  🙂

I have been looking at designs and examples for my funeral dress, which I would like to make for myself, (I sew), but will resort to buying if necessary. It is going to be a long, hooded, long-sleeved, medieval-type dress and I will lying be in, hopefully a cardboard box, as I am being cremated, surrounded by sunflowers and holding a bunch of them at my waist. My hair, which will be teal green, of course, will be pulled forward.


My daughter will know how to apply my liquid moisturizer, mascara and eyeliner. I would like my fingernails to be painted a light shell pink and my toenails to match. No shoes and just the tips of my toenails showing beyond my dress.


Also I would like there to be no formal memorial service as I am reclusive and it would only be a useless waste of money for my family and my one very close friend from childhood. They can have a little service at our house if they want to or I'll make it part of my plan, my only requirement (or wish I suppose is a better word) for the "after party" is the presence of enchiladas, good chocolate and excellent coffee.  🙂


I have researched funeral homes and crematoriums and put some information in a folder for my family so that they won't have too much to think/worry about and, importantly, won't have to spend too much money.


I actually found a cremation service that was having an urn sale, as in you get a free urn with your cremation. That cracked me up because we have always been careful with what money we had and I would just love that; it would make my people laugh.

That's about as far as I've gotten, but as I say, it eases me, the planning. I will die someday and when things are hard I find this exercise quieting.

One of the things I have not yet considered is funeral or memorial music?. I'll have to think about that because I think that's something nice that I would like to have at my little family memorial.

I find comfort in designing my own last day (if that's an option) and funeral. It eases my pain and brings peace when I'm struggling with life's difficulties.

I suppose it's much like that therapeutic exercise wherein a person writes their on epitaph.  Maybe I should do that as well... lol

People will stop asking you questions if you answer back in interpretive dance. - Meme
Social Butterfly

@MedusaE76171  I like what you have planned ( Though hopefully will not be activated anytime soon!) I am also very practical, and don't want to waste time or money doing anything elaborate. Cremated, scatter ashes with immediate family and a few friends.  If any of my bodily parts can be used for research, teaching or transplant, do that first. There's a fascinating book called "Stiff" The curious life of cadavers written by Mary Roach which is a really interesting read.

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Super Contributor

@Rhymesometimes, I’m sorry I didn’t see this sooner! Never did figure out the notification system correctly (though I did read through all of the help section.) I’m sure it’s in there somewhere and I missed or misinterpreted it.


Anyway, I like your plan too, pleasant, respectful, simple and easy on your people.

I’ll check into the book by Mary Roach. 🙂

People will stop asking you questions if you answer back in interpretive dance. - Meme
Social Butterfly

Great plan! Although totally different from mine, I like it for you!


I so believe our final "wishes" should be our own, no matter what they are... are the steps I've taken regarding this; they may offend some, but they are mine.


I have arranged for my body to be used in medical research; then to be cremated; then for the ashes to be used to create "diamonds" to be distributed to my daughters and their children, who may want them.


I do not want a burial site, as I spent so many wasteful and disparaging hours crying at my Dad's cemetery plot, thinking I could actually speak with him. I don't want that for anyone I love.


I do want something positive to come from death, so if my body can lead to better science and/or medicine, that will make me feel peace.


Thanks for a great subject for we retirees, @MedusaE76171 !



Phil Harris, actor and showman, to John Fogerty of CCR: “If I’d known I’d live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.”
Super Contributor

@WebWiseWoman That is a beautiful plan!  The diamonds for your children to keep close and the unselfishness of allowing your body to be used for medical research.  It shames me a bit as I want to look pretty in my box and here you are doing something good for the world with your body before having something everlasting and beautiful made from it.

I agree about not being buried.  Actually, I have a "thing" about burials because they take up so much of our precious space on this planet.  However, I suppose one might "go after" golf courses first.  lol.  Well, really though.  

Your plan is compassionate, helpful to the world, timeless and, in a way, "dealthless."  

Thank you for sharing it.  🙂

People will stop asking you questions if you answer back in interpretive dance. - Meme
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