Trusted Contributor

Relocating To An Area Where I Don't Know Any One

This is my first time post here on AARP.   I am a male, 65 (soon to be), single, no children and never married.   I recently retired unexpectedly from a job I had for 15 years.  I had loved that job but things took a turn for the worst at the time I left there.  And now I'm taking in less money but still paying rent which is higher than what I'm taking in.   Also I'm not crazy about the city in which I reside at and desire to leave.


Just recently I was thinking about moving to a rural area in another part of the US.  I had it all planned to visit that place but then I decided to cancel my trip there.  I didn't know anyone at that place, and that was a factor for me deciding to cancel the trip.   But I have regretted that decision.  Perhaps I could try again.  The most important factor in my decision to want to move there was that I could afford a house there, which I can't where I am now.


Is it a good idea to move to a place and not knowing anyone?   I feel like it would be much easier to move to new place if I knew someone there.  Is there anyone else like me facing this?  I consider myself introverted and kind of shy, so it's not easy for me to make friends. I personally prefer to hear from men only about this, especially single men.  

Trusted Social Butterfly

(1 comment) Great @TomW178779 and luv your response @MYR06052022 , @MYR06052022 , @lc3507 , @T23 , @AlbaraqS881758 . Did you move?

Trusted Contributor

No I still haven't moved.   I even haven't gone anywhere to visit so I can scout it out.  I feel alright about staying where I am; but deep down it's not good for me.   I'm putting out more money every month than I'm taking in, so that's not good.   And lately, I'm not getting along with my neighbors.  


I've had a place in mind to go to but I don't know if it's going to work out.   I'd like to live in a cabin type place where there are no neighbors living close to me.   But I don't know if it's a good idea for me to live that way at my age.   By the way, I just turned 66 today!  Thank you for your reply.

I think it is not easy to move to a new place if we don't know anyone there.

Regular Contributor

I don't think a decision should be made dependent upon whether it is perceived as "easy". Anything can be done with determination, strength, grit and confidence. Staying in a place that does not meet your needs or wants and being resigned to and defeated by complacency because it is not easy doesn't say much nor is it uplifting.


Thats a very complex question with not much to go on for an answer.  I would suggest starting by taking inventory of yourself and taking something like a personality exam, this one looks good to start:

Trusted Contributor

I have taken a personality test of something like that.   It turned out that I'm an INFJ, supposedly the rarest personality type.  In reviewing what that is, I felt like it was very accurate for me.  No wonder I have always felt like an outsider!


I'm not looking for psychological answers.  I'm looking to find out if any men had ever relocated to a new place, not knowing anyone, like I wanted to do or feel like I have to do.

Regular Contributor

I don't think this is a personality or psychological question. It is a personal and financial choice decision along with it being a knowing yourself decision. My suggestion would be to make multiple pros and cons lists. Make a pro/con list for staying where you are now and a pro/con for what it would be like in 10 years if you stayed where you are now living. A pro/con list for the specific place you are considering moving to. Then write a list of things the 'new' place must have. And of course do a financial assessment and projections for staying where you are versus moving. There is a website called city-data dot com where you can find all sorts of info, it also has a forum to interact with people of that area. Hope this helps.

Trusted Contributor

Thanks so much, especially about the City   I have seen City Data before, like years ago, and wasn't too impressed because it seemed like it was just general discussions.   But I looked it up just a few minutes ago and was impressed and surprised on how well it was laid out about states.   There was a particular small town I wanted to look up in the discussions and I thought it wouldn't be there.  It was there and I was impressed with the comments about it.   


Just to reiterate on my original post, I'm ashamed to say that I had an anxiety attack in the middle of the night, only about two hours before having to get ready for my trip.  I felt awful about it, but now I feel a little bit more recharged.


On the other hand, I'm still waiting and hoping for someone to post on here saying that he had moved to a new area without knowing anyone and what it was like for him doing it.   

Regular Contributor

Thanks for responding and glad you found City Data helpful. Why not ask someone on city data what life is like moving there when you don't know anyone, ask about activities, where does everyone go for Sunday morning breakfast, start to interact and meet people on City Data, tell them you are from xyz city and are considering moving there.  Keep in mind you are asking for subjective opinions and a website forum is only as good at the people to contribute to it. There is Niche website too but I didn't find it very helpful. Keep in mind, an unknown person sharing their experience of moving to an area could be helpful and yet may not be relevant to you in your life. For example, A person could be believe vanilla ice cream is the best; yet you believe chocolate ice cream is the best. Whose belief is relevant, significant and important? Yours or the unknown person who shared vanilla ice cream is the best? There's no need to be ashamed for sharing about an anxiety attack, we have all had them, if someone hasn't well then you are lucky. Let me add here, society has to move away from the shame and guilt feelings all they are is a hindrance to living. Let me ask you, what do you perceive the difference of experience would be whether it a man or a woman move to a place without knowing someone? What specifically would you like to hear about a person's move? Do you need to specifically hear an affirmation that a man did move without knowing someone? If you went away to college, you already moved to a place without knowing someone and shared a dorm room.  Also, if you move there and decide you don't like it move somewhere else or move back. Explore your inner concerns about moving, write a pro-con list. Please do keep in mind and I have moved from East Cost to West and lived in between, there is a long transition and adjustment period --at least a year.

Trusted Contributor

Thank you for your reply.   I still want to hear from a man, preferably an older man, who had moved to a new place and not know anyone.   I would to like to have it posted on here.   If I went on City Data I'd probably get an answer that's predictable.  I haven't posted on there yet and I wanted to, but other things recently and unexpectedly came up so I never got around to it.


The reason I preferred hearing from a man is because I feel like men and women are different.  I feel strongly that women make friends a lot easier than men do.  It guess it's because women reach out more and are more accepting to others who do not fit them than men do.  I heard from a woman on another discussion board who had moved from LA to eastern Kentucky all by herself.   She did that when she was in her 50s.  She made friends and feels that the people in community are very caring.   So I feel like what works for a woman might not work for me.


I am introverted and don't feel comfortable with crowds and I'm shy with strangers.  I especially feel like I don't fit in if I was in a place full of couples and kids.  I like being alone at times.  A small, rural type place appeals to me because of possible peace & quiet and not have crowds like it is now at where I live.  But I know that there will be some drawbacks, too.  


I went to college and didn't know anybody, except for one person whom I wasn't very close to.  Bear in mind, that was about 50 years ago!  It was rough at first but it got much better later on.  Obviously college and moving to another place is totally different.  I was much younger and there were not the differences among my peers back then as it is now.  Also college had a built in social life and events going on and you don't have to leave a confined area.  It's not like that now.     

Regular Contributor

Well,here is another female responding to your question. I moved to a town where I did not know anyone. I am in my 60's. I found that the senior center and the library are both very important for my life. I came to this area on vacation several times and spent time exploring different communities in the area. 

Periodic Contributor

Interesting post title!  I first thought that I was "very brave" thinking on moving to a place where I do not know anyone or anything.

I am planning on moving to Sun City AZ where I do not know anyone, but I hope that I can connect with some mature ladies to advise me and perhaps do a "house sharing" while I scout for a townhouse or condo. I am a semi-retired RN. Shout Out to Sun City AZ where I hope some ladies are reading this.

Thank you all for providing a place to communicate.

Periodic Contributor

Good Morning All, 😎

to the 958 viewers and 0 responders, an update. I did go to Sun City AZ and surrounding towns scouting for a "forever home" in August of 2022. The weather was in the low 100's a few monsoon - like evenings. Found a small community that looked orderly, clean, low traffic, and access to work, healthcare, and leisure time. I am planning to move at the end of January 2023. Hopefully, I can find a group of mature women working to assist the less fortunate in my new city. May the New Year 2023 be full of good health and harmony!

Trusted Social Butterfly

(1 comment) ➡️  Great hearing from you @MYR06052022 🙂 Thanks for the update. I hope to move back to Florida this year 2023 IF housing "calms down" 🙄 ⬅️

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Periodic Contributor

Hello Again,

I went to school in South East GA in Augusta where the Masters Golf tournament takes place every April.  Maybe, in the future, you and I could private DM and plan mutual hosting and be a tour guide for each others town.

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