Where to start...

[ma1458]

Hi, I am brand new to reaching out in forums to find answers.  About a year ago we found my 56 year old sister dead, she appeared to have just passed away in her sleep.  She had not been answering her phone or her text for like 18 hours so me, my husband, and her best friend headed over to her house because something was definitely wrong.  I had the spare key so I went in first and found her dead, laying in bed, like she was just watching television.  I did call 911 right away and they sent a squad over right away.  After taking in the scene and interviewing us, he did call the Medical Examiner who also responded to the scene as well.  Because there was no apparent cause of death, he ordered her to be taken to the Medical Examiners Office for an autopsy.  Long story short her cause of death appears to be from an accidental acute mixture of prescription drugs.  We also discovered that she had polycystic kidney and polycystic liver disease.  Now, we weren't your ordinary sisters, we were 3 years apart with me being the oldest.  She was my best friend and we were attached at the hip.  We were travel buddies which included at least 1 or 2 trips to Vegas a year, trips to Disney World, Disneyland,  multiple cruises together and so much more.

Here's where the problem sets in:  I feel like a traitor to her as I have not really felt a sadness or grief with her loss, just a feeing of anger and resentment towards her, which is crazy because she surely did not want to die.  People have told me that it's okay and that everybody grieves at their own pace and are sure it will all hit me all at once.

Curious to know if someone else has been in this situation.  I'm almost mad at myself for not grieving

[SummerOnTheWay1 · Accepted solution]

Welcome to the AARP Community Board Marcie @ma1458 and so sorry for your loss.

Maybe a counselor or a Grief Support Group may provide some comfort.

Grief they say may involve many emotions and with time, things will settle down.

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗  (Grief Forum)

[SummerOnTheWay1]

Dear Marcie @ma1458  , how are you doing?

Luv,

Nicole ‌🤗‌‌🤗‌‌🤗‌ (Grief Forum)

[ma1458]

Hi Nicole, thank you so much for following up with me.  Ive been chatting with some real nice people in this group and I dont feel alone anymore.  I also talk to a therapist once a month, and that is very helpful.  I know I've got a long road ahead of me and I believe one of the reasons I couldn't grieve because that would mean I have to accept her death, (which is the hardest thing for me) but I know everything will be alright  

Thanks again for keeping me in youe thoughts.

Marcie Adameak

[SummerOnTheWay1]

[Sunday 4/26/26]

Dear Marcie @ma1458 , I am thinking about YOU.

How are you doing TODAY?

Luv,

Nicole  ‌🤗‌‌🤗‌‌🤗‌  (Grief Forum)