WE ARE SORRY for your loss 💛

[SummerOnTheWay1]

THIS GROUP IS OPEN TO ALL GRIEVERS NO MATTER HOW LONG IT HAS BEEN [years,days].

To participate, click on reply button at bottom of this post. Enter your comment. Click on reply again.

Grief & Loss Team  🤗

[jbar4650]

It has been 3 months since losing my daughter and there are more tears than ever.

[SereneSeagull]

Ok, so I see we are allowed to reply to people here,  it sounded like yesterday I was under the impression we could not.

Jbar, I’m so sorry for your loss. I have a family member who lost a child in an accident.  There is no grief as hard as this from everything they’ve told me.  They have found grief support groups in their area for those who have lost a child, be it older child, or young, that meet up.  It has given her tremendous support, because everyone there has that loss of their precious child and can feel your pain Morso than anyone.

I hope you can get that as well.  Big hug to you.  I’m so sorry for your loss.

[SummerOnTheWay1]

1 step at a time!!!

[sandyslaga]

I'm new to this group. My husband of 45 years died June 3, 2024, from Alzheimer's.  He'd just retired in January 2021.  He was diagnosed later that year. I kept him home and was his caregiver.  

I am finding this second year much harder.  The first year was numbing with all that needed to get done and just getting out of bed on most days.  Now I find that the reality and enormity of losing him is sinking into the core of my being.  I'm in therapy, which has helped largely because it's a safe space in which I can share the same stories ad nauseam.  I've had the same therapist for years, and hubbie and I attended together from time to time.  That she knew him is comforting, especially when she shares her memories of him.

Hubbie and I had a wonderful marriage and were homebodies these many years.  I have a son who lives with me, a married daughter, and 3-year-old granddaughter in town.  I also have a best friend whom I've known since college and who lives about 5 hours away.  She and her husband have been here in my darkest hours during his illness and since.  

I don't know who I am without my husband.  Worse, I have no desire or motivation to find out.  I know two things for sure:  the cavalry isn't coming; and, you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.  

M heart is with each of you here.  We can do this.  

Peace,

[JamesK33]

I share a similar story.  My wife of 42 years died during March 2024 and I was surprised by the difficulties faced in the second year after her passing.  My wife's illness lasted four years but I never accepted that she would pass away.  During grief group discussions, I learned that an unexpected or a slow death of a loved one is traumatic.

Most if not all of my friends believe enough time has passed that I should no longer be grieving the loss of my wife.  They think I should just let go and move on.  Easier said than done.  Her death left a large hole in my life and heart.  Further, I have yet to learn of a process that puts my life back together. Time has not healed all wounds.

I worry that I have a touch of depression and sometimes have not been able to be productive.  Occasionally, I will go for several days without getting much accomplished.  I have found that the mantra "do the next thing" and a simple to complete list of projects that "need doing" helps me become active again.   

The one thing I have been able to keep up is going the YMCA for swims.  I do not want a preventable health issue to be added to this grief.  

I hope you find peace about the loss of your husband.  I know it is hard, and I do not know of a solution for the pain. But knowing that others are suffering from a loss may help.  

[sandyslaga]

James, thank you for your post and sharing your story.  

To those who think we should no longer be grieving the loss of our spouse and that we should "... just let go and move on", I say walk one day in my shoes.  How dare they judge something they've not experienced.  They're unable to deal with their own discomfort and thus want us to move on, not for our sake, but their own.

Time does not heal all wounds. Grief is not linear.  I will never get over the illness and death of my husband.  I am trying to learn to live with it.  It absolutely helps to know that I do not walk this path alone.

Give yourself grace, James. Walking alongside you.

[SereneSeagull]

I agree Sandy,  learning to live with it.  That’s the hard part I’m finding.  Everything is so different and changed.

My mind tends to linger on the moments before my parents died,  their struggles in the hospital to breathe or be in pain.  I try and shift my thoughts to the happy moments we’ve all shared, but they keep going back to those hospital pain and suffering.  It’s been many, many years for one and not that long ago on the other, with others passing along the way between

How do you stop those thoughts is what I’m struggling with, specifically during the holidays.  

[SummerOnTheWay1]

1 step at a time!!!

[mc6844]

Nicole, thank you for all your encouragement to those on the forum. Sometimes we forget what is bothering us until we stop in here. 

[LaurelH1933]

My husband died 3 years ago & I still need support around the holiday season & the anniversary of his death.

[SereneSeagull]

Laurel, I hope you had that support.  I came to the boards last night here, but wasn’t sure if I could post at first, but now see others posts on this thread the further down I go.  

The holidays are always a very hard time for me as I know others as well have that same feeling.  Keeping myself engrossed in my interests, but yesterday at Thanksgiving was hard with a family member in the hospital, and just us left to do pizza at the house.  Very hard night strugglg thinking about ALL of the family that is gone.  

[SummerOnTheWay1]

1 step at a time!!!

[LaurelH1933]

The anniversary of my husband's death is next Tuesday. I am dreading that day.

[mc6844]

Laurel I'm so sorry for your loss and anxiety over your husband's 🎈 birthday. We all have different beliefs. I think our passed on loved ones are closer to us than we realize. I wish you comfort and peace 💕

[SummerOnTheWay1]

1 step at a time!!!

[agoyer]

@SummerOnTheWay1 happy to help out anyway I can! 

be sure to check out the section on AARP’s website with grief and loss support. There’s lots of good articles and information there!

www.AARP.org/griefandloss 

tc

Amy Goyer, AARP Family and Caregiving Expert

[SummerOnTheWay1]

1 step at a time!!!

[mc6844]

It's nice to see you Nicole. Still here with your wonderful work on the forum. It's helpful for tips on how to be of help to others going through these difficult matters. Grief is a transition that none of us wants or welcomes. This forum is a ready source of help and hope. Not everyone has insurance or can make appointments. Online is so convenient. I hope you are well and everyone on the forum, old and new, well as can be going through all of this. Take care!

[MichelleC103656]

Hey Nicole! Thanks for sending love to my furbabies last night. Our girl cats really need it. Bristol, the Lynx Point, and Nova, the gray and white Manx haven't been feeling so well the last couple of days. The vet said that they are having bad allergic reactions to their new flea medicine. We have had fleas and ticks so bad in New York this Summer. We have had to give them lots of baths and bomb the house. Our boy cat, Stewie, hasn't been bothered as much. The girls have been infested and have been losing their fur in spots. The new medicine irritated them and made them sick.The vet suggested we try something more natural and less harsh. We have used coconut oil with some success. We have just been so worried and upset. We hate seeing them suffer. It makes you feel so helpless. Well, I have to go. Thank you for your encouraging and reassuring words. 🙂💌🐱🐱🐱👩‍🏫

[SummerOnTheWay1]

1 step at a time!!!

[MichelleC103656]

Nicole, you are so wonderful and nice!  You always have something positive to say. It is so very true what you are saying about grief. My sister and I still miss our Dad so much every day. We miss seeing him and talking to him. We really miss his wonderful advice. He was so much to so many. People who used to work with him or were his friends still tell me what a great guy he was. It makes me so happy. I think about him more when it the week of my birthday. The year he died, 2015, my birthday was on Monday. He died on Friday, October 2nd, which was my great grandmother's birthday. Every year, my birthday reminds me of the anniversary of his death. I have to go now. I can't see,because I can't stop crying. Thank you for your kind words and fantastic attitude. You are a real treasure. 🙂💌👩‍🏫

[SummerOnTheWay1]

1 step at a time!!!

[mc6844]

Nicole, so nice to see you here. I haven't dropped by in some time. Except grief is always with us  Trying to enjoy what we can is a great reminder. There are so many challenges it's easy to forget wonderful places such as this. Where people just, know. I hope all on the forum are well as can be. Take care!

[SummerOnTheWay1]

1 step at a time!!!

[mc6844]

I encourage those on the forum to just keep going. Sometimes we have a tough day or sleepless night. Maybe troubled souls cross our path. Or just trying to keep ourselves and lives together during these times. We slowly learn not to present ourselves in a vulnerable manner. And still be loving individuals. Time takes time. We are living in answered prayer.

[SummerOnTheWay1]

📎  Well said MC @mc6844 !!! I started counseling last month and glad I did. Found out it is very "healthy" to avoid TOXIC folks. They DRAIN you and keep on going.

Luv,

Nicole. ‌🤗‌‌🤗‌‌🤗‌  (Grief Forum)

‌➡️‌[*** MC 

@mc6844 wrote:
I encourage those on the forum to just keep going. Sometimes we have a tough day or sleepless night. Maybe troubled souls cross our path. Or just trying to keep ourselves and lives together during these times. We slowly learn not to present ourselves in a vulnerable manner. And still be loving individuals. Time takes time. We are living in answered prayer.

[dw53874168]

I lost my husband of 49 years in February.  It’s been 6 months now & it just isn’t getting better. I cry every night. I stay so busy during the day just so I don’t think about it. 

[l124289r]

I am not convinced "tis better to have loved and lost . . . " but I do envy you and others their long relationships. I have never married, lost my career, was diagnosed with debilitating illnesses, lost my financial security, lost my lifestyle, lost access to passionate pursuits, lost productive occupation, lost my friends, and lost close family connections. I think it would have been rewarding to have a long-term romantic relationship but it would also be one more loss on my "pile." Getting out from under all that has been almost impossible and I actually just try not to lose more. Unfortunately, now I cling to "things" which cost little to maintain and accept me as I am -- at any given moment! After over 20 years of these changes, I still yearn for the life that I felt I was just building and then the rejection and disregard of people I have cared about. Since I turned 65 this month, I would like to accept and finally let go of how I wanted my life to be. What I have is pathetic to me and has been unacceptable but none of my attempts to improve circumstances has worked. I feel that I have no choice but to shut down and give up every little strand left of my past. But since no substitutions have worked either, I feel like a black hole just closing down, collapsing into myself. If not for my dog . . . . 

[mc6844]

I'm so sorry for your losses. I'm sure your life has touched others in helpful ways you haven't thought of. You are doing well sharing your thoughts and emotions here. Please keep stopping by the forum. Your sharing helps others find the way forward in their grief too! Take care

[SereneSeagull]

Hi, your post touched me.  I don’t know if I have any words that would comfort you, but I do want to tell you that I read your post and I’m sorry for the things that are so overwhelming for you.

What kind of dog do you have?

 I’m a cat person, myself.  Although our cat is not a dog, we try and teach it tricks!  It knows many words, but the best is when we say “squirrel”, he’ll come dashing in the room eager to see it from the window!   

Pets can be a great comfort.  I think many times more than people, if that makes any sense.  I hope your precious dog brings you comfort and love as well.  They can sense we need something too!