Good morning, young man. For if we are still able to type and reach out to a community, we are young. I have lots of ideas. Partly because i moved across the USA to an insular tiny rural community with zero traffic lights in a county the size of new jersey. Yes, i did come here 5 years ago to be with my now wife, but, i also need friends and it has been a trial to make new ones. And partly because i'm a psychotherapist out here in the hinterlands. I have counseled people who are newly widowed, and people scared of retirement because WHO WILL I BE NOW, WHAT WILL I DO, and people who are plain and simple as lonely as you are.
So, put on your seatbelt, LET'S GO FOR A RIDE.
I looked up how to make friends and found this: https://bestlifeonline.com/how-to-make-new-friends/. Most of it won't apply to you, and most of the rest of it won't appeal to you, but there are a few ideas in there. Like look up friends that you've lost touch with. And volunteer. But before we get into a specific list, I'd like to suggest the following:
Think of making friends, and maybe finding another sweetie/partner/wife (do you know how rare and attractive an eligible bachelor/widow is to the single older females of this world?), AS YOUR NEW PART TIME JOB. I'm serious. Set up a plan, a schedule, goals. Just like you were going to build a shed, or design an ad campaign, or learn a new skill in whatever your profession was. There are steps involved. This is for the rest of your life. WHY NOT??
May i suggest some steps.
Google the following: how to make friends when you're older. how men can make friends. find a partner when you're retired. Anything along those lines. Scour the interwebs. And read what you find. Pick the suggestions that you'd like to try. Write them down on a legal pad or in a notebook.
Do some more research: looking at your new list, what is possible in your area? What are you interested in? And cast a wide net: if you came to my 'stitch&**bleep**' crochet and knit night on wednesdays in the bowling alley party room in Lakeview Oregon, you'd be surrounded by hilarious, darling, open minded women-of-a-certain-age who'd be delighted to teach you how to crochet or knit. You wouldn't normally be thinking of learning to crochet as a way to meet people, make friends, and what-the-heck, flirt, but as i say, cast that net WIDE.
Then set up a schedule. On Sunday afternoon, try calling up Bill with whom you went to college, or George, who used to live next door and moved to New Zealand. Or Cousin Susie, who's hilarious, and who keeps inviting you to visit. On Monday morning, call up the local senior center and see if they need volunteers to deliver meals on wheels, or call up the youth mentor program or Big Brothers and Sisters, or the local food bank. On Monday afternoon, see if there's a matinee of a new movie out. Chat up the folks in the popcorn line. On Tuesday, look at a map of the USA, and identify at least 4 people you know in places you'd like to travel to see, which at this time of year might be southerly. Look into renting a small RV. Figure out where the nearest RV rental place is, and check them out.
You don't have kids. Your wife is gone. And there are 400,000,000 million americans, give or take, sharing your citizenship. I'm not minimizing at all how hard it is to put yourself out there. IT IS VERY HARD. You have this opportunity, though. You have enough financial security that your first concern is not how you'll pay the light bill. You are reasonably able bodied now, ouch i know that was hard and hooray for your friend who helped you heal.
And if this entire venture seems insanely hard, then go find a friendly male therapist and go to motivation boot camp.
You have nothing to lose but your loneliness.
So what do you think? WRITE BACK.
Jane,
who doesn't live in the middle of nowhere but can see it from here
