New Member

[DanaInPA]

Hi everyone.  I lost my dad Thanksgiving weekend.  He and I did everything together--we were gym buddies for 27 years (our last workout together was one year and 3 days before he passed).  We shared lots of hobbies: antique cars, Civil War history, etc.  It's been very difficult.

The worst is when something unexpectedly reminds you.  I was at the dentist the other day when the song "Everything I Own" by Bread came on.  It was just awful!  Especially since I distinctly remember when I was a child and my dad explained to me that David Gates wrote that song when his own father died.

It looks like you have some great resources here, and I've already signed up for a webinar.

Thanks, 

Dana

[aidenwalker]

So sorry for your loss. It sounds like you and your dad were incredibly close and it is those surprising little moments that are sometimes the most difficult.

Thinking of you as your journey this sadness and am happy you have this supportive community to turn to.

[SereneSeagull]

Hi @DanaInPA , it’s a gut punch.  I had a hard time looking at photos, whereas another family member was comforted tremendously by them.  Music can be a moment in time that brings a flood of memories back.  I’m just now able to watch medical tv shows, but sometimes it can bring harrowing memories back.  Our emotions are a hell of a thing with grief triggers.  Sorry for your loss.  It’s hard, but it does get better.  One step and day at a time.  👍

[JaneCares]

Hello, Dana, and welcome! Being grief-stricken is not a club any one wants to be a member of, but here we are. I loved reading about how close you were with your dad. That's marvelous! What a gift to you both!  I wonder if my father would have enjoyed going to the gym with me? My guess is, he'd join if the personal trainers were cute and female. Oy vey. He's has passed on to the great comfy gym in the sky, where he can watch Patton on endless rerun, and drink Mountain Dew all he wants. Me, I've downgraded from Downtown Athletic Club (180/month for 2 senior citizens) to Planet Fitness ($10/month.) 

The grief is deep, isn't it. Like a limb has been amputated. The heaviness and piercing sorrow seems to stay so very long, although the bouts, the waves of it, seem further apart after a looooong while. 

I developed so much more compassion for people when I was in an actively grieving state, because i realized I put on a mask to hide the pain, and sometimes shades to hide the puffy eyes, and i can see that other people are stiff or avoidant and it might be because they are grieving. Have you found this to be true of you?

What would honor your father and your loving relationship that you can do every day, or once in a while?

Perhaps I should watch Patton again.

welcome, and virtual hugs,

Jane

[DanaInPA]

Thank you for your kind words.  I never thought of the movie thing--maybe I should watch one of those great Westerns my dad loved.  "Rio Bravo", here I come!

Dana

[SummerOnTheWay1]

Dear Dana @DanaInPA , so sorry about your loss dear friend!!!

Oh yes, those "songs" - do I know that well. I had stopped listening to the radio for about a year. Just could NOT deal with "certain" songs.

SO GLAD you "signed" up for a Webinar. AARP does SO MUCH to "support" grievers. 👍

I hope you will stop by again.

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗  (Grief Forum)

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➡️[*** DANA @DanaInPA wrote:

Hi everyone.  I lost my dad Thanksgiving weekend.  He and I did everything together--we were gym buddies for 27 years (our last workout together was one year and 3 days before he passed).  We shared lots of hobbies: antique cars, Civil War history, etc.  It's been very difficult.

The worst is when something unexpectedly reminds you.  I was at the dentist the other day when the song "Everything I Own" by Bread came on.  It was just awful!  Especially since I distinctly remember when I was a child and my dad explained to me that David Gates wrote that song when his own father died.

It looks like you have some great resources here, and I've already signed up for a webinar.

Thanks, 

Dana

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[SummerOnTheWay1]

[Friday 5/29/26]

Dear Dana @DanaInPA , I am thinking about YOU.

How are you doing TODAY?

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗  (Grief Forum)

[DanaInPA]

Wow!  I was not expecting so many people to respond so quickly!  Guess I should figure out how to turn on notifications. Sorry about that!  Thank you all for reaching out. It really means a lot. 

Dana

[SummerOnTheWay1]

[Friday 6/19/26]

Dear Dana @DanaInPA , I am thinking about YOU.

How are you doing TODAY?

Luv,

Nicole  ‌‌🤗‌‌‌‌🤗‌‌‌‌🤗‌‌  (Grief Forum)

[DanaInPA]

Not so well.  Not only is this going to by my first Father's Day without my dad, but Monday is his birthday.  I'm just dreading it.

Dana

[SummerOnTheWay1]

[Monday 6/22/26]

Dear Dana @DanaInPA , my thoughts are with you today dear friend. A sad day for you being it is your dad's birthday. Sending peace & comfort.

Jane (AARP Expert) @JaneCares and myself are here for you!!!

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗  [Grief Forum]

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➡️[*** DANA @DanaInPA wrote:

Not so well.  Not only is this going to by my first Father's Day without my dad, but Monday is his birthday.  I'm just dreading it.

Dana

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[JaneCares]

I have a book called “Every moment holy” and there is a volume on death, grief and hope. I will paraphrase the part about the “Loss of a loving parent”:

I have lived my life till now with a sense there was a strong, buffering wall between myself and the risks and uncertainties of life—for there was always one who had existed before me, who loved me from the beginning of my life, who protected me, cared for me and watched over me; a father who raised and nurtured me, who did not hesitate to sacrifice their own resources for my good, or to deny their own desires in order to advance my flourishing.

He were such a fount of grace to me, echoing so poignantly the tender, sacrificial love, flowing from the universe. And now they are gone. This strange change has not yet fully settled in. Perhaps it never will. There are moments I think to call them, or seek them out, only to remember again that their earthly journey has reached its end, at least for this age.

I must now navigate the rest of life without them—without their sense of wisdom, encouragement, sympathy, and aid, and without that ever-present sense of stability and safety that their sheltering love so long provided.

Even as I grapple with this loss, I am thankful for the life of my father, who loved me well, who loved me even amidst the many hardships and broken moments of their own life. Let me take the best of what they embodied and learn to better practice those qualities in my own relationships. Let me honor my father’s love for me by becoming more loving to all I meet, and more compassionate for my fellow travelers.

Amen.

I find this to be comforting. I hope you do, too, Dana.

hugs,

Jane

[DanaInPA]

Thank you so much for this beautiful piece. It brought tears to my eyes. 

Dana 

[SummerOnTheWay1]

Dear Dana @DanaInPA , yes - the holidays & birthdays are also AWFUL for me my friend.

Some of our Group Members "volunteer" on those dates or do something in MEMORY of the luv one they lost.

I am NOT there as yet & sadly end up in "tears" ALL DAY/NIGHT.

With TIME, we will be able to "get through" them somehow. Maybe NOT being HAPPY, but sad with LESS tears. 🤞

Do you have anyone nearby that you could maybe spend those days with?

NOT to "celebrate" - just to be.

Maybe talk about YOUR luv one or NOT.

Maybe "honor" them with doing something they would have liked to do.

I am ALWAYS here for you = to listen, to chat.

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

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➡️[*** DANA @DanaInPA wrote:

Not so well.  Not only is this going to by my first Father's Day without my dad, but Monday is his birthday.  I'm just dreading it.

Dana

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