How do you find yourself again after being commented to your husband and he passed away?

[jh5231035]

I tried to read the replies, but could not open them. I hope you got some answers. I am in a similar situation, except I worked full time outside the home barring several years as a stay home mom. That does not mean that I am not in the same spot of needing to have a self identity and feeling that my world died that night. That hollow, lonely place is deeply painful.

Many "housewives" were not totally dependant on the breadwinner, just contributed in a different way. Your loss makes it hard to see what you really did and what your skills really are.

Go through motions. Be as physically active as you can. Seek natural areas. Know that your mind and your body are not in sinc right now. Do anything that gives you a sense of accomplishment.

If you can, please post what you are doing. 

[JudyB721065]

Hello @loftonpatty94...sorry for your loss. 40 years is a long time to spend with someone, there are many memories of good and bad times; more good than bad I hope. A loss of a loved one is hard on everyone that has experienced it. We all grieve differently, we all find our own place and time to grieve. You are so right...this is your subject and it is your time to find out who you are. Who you are is the same person you were for the 40 years you shared with your husband. You had to be a good person, a loving mate and a strong support system through the tough times for to have had 40 years together.

Each day is gonna be different..some days you will not want to do anything..you may find yourself full of bitter emotions..only to realize you're not bitter..you're hurting that day. Another day you may laugh at the things both of you enjoyed or at something funny you both said. You are still who you are...no need to start over..love what you shared..embrace the feeling of love between 2 people and know you were very lucky to have experienced that. Keep him with you...sometimes wear his shirt...smile when you see pictures of him...and it's ok to talk to him sometimes...you don't start over..you keep going.

[SIMPLEGAL]

@loftonpatty94,
Bless you for being such a loyal, devoted wife.
My sympathy to you for your loss but please remember your life will go forward and slowly you will begin to adjust.

[ManicProgressive]

I’m so sorry about your losing your husband.  

i can’t speak from personal experience but I watched my mom go through this.  She really got involved with her church. Do you have a group like that where you can become more active? She ended up creating new routines that started filling in for the old routines she had with my dad.  

It’s never a true substitute. But over time, those new routines and friends can help bring structure and meaning that may now feel lost.    

[loftonpatty94]

I am a woman who who stayed home and my husband worked. I upkeep the house he was older then me he was my life since I was eighteen it would have been forty years in july. He died at home I took care of him in every way I could. Now I have to find out who I am (alone).Maybe this is not such an excited subject but it's mine.A new start any suggestion?