Death of a child

[agoyer]

@MelindaB591392 I'm so sorry for your losses. The losses pile up - it's a cumulative effect. It takes time and there is no set timeline - every single person has a unique grief journey - none of us can completely know exactly how you feel. But there are similarities, and I can empathize with the feelings. i've lost my 19 yr old niece, my Mom and my sister 3 yrs in a row, and 5 years later my Dad, who died just one yr ago. It's been a rough year! Numb, overhwelming sadness, anger, feeling lost and untethered, so so tired...and more. I'm starting to come out of the fog now but still a long way to go before I can, as you say, "be able to say it's my time to not worry about my future and just be comfortable and settled". 

One thing I'm doing is actively encouraging myself to think about what feeling "ok" and settled would feel like. I make lists sometimes of things I'd like to do some day. And I cherish every moment of feeling happy that I get. One of the signs to me that I'm tip-toeing out of the fog is that there are moments now when i think of all of my loved ones who have passed on and sometimes I smile first and think of a good time with them before the sadness envelopes me. I figure that's a good sign  

Have you thought about doing a vision board? Either with magazine photos and glue or maybe an online board like Pinterest that contains images of things that make you feel "settled", happy, calm, hopeful? Maybe that would help you have direction, and help you balance out the looking back with the looking forward.

Sending you many good wishes - please keep us posted!

Take care,

Amy Goyer, AARP Family & Caregiving Expert

Author, Juggling Life, Work and Caregiving and

Color Your Way Content When Caring for Loved Ones

[MelindaB591392]

I'm so sorry that there's another mother that knows the pain of out living your child. My daughter died Dec 19 2017 . she was 24 in college raising her own child. My husband and her father passed March 3 2006 only 39yr.

Now here i am a registered AARP member 52 in November..

It's just a bit overwhelming all my big life's milestones i knew where going to bring me to the day when i could be able to say it's my time to not worry about my future and just be comfortable and settled. Well I'm

Not settled yet

Any suggestion

Thanks mindy

[MelindaB591392]

I'm so sorry that there's another mother that knows the pain of out living your child. My daughter died Dec 19 2017 . she was 24 in college raising her own child. My husband and her father passed March 3 2006 only 39yr.

Now here i am a registered AARP member 52 in November..

It's just a bit overwhelming all my big life's milestones i knew where going to bring me to the day when i could be able to say it's my time to not worry about my future and just be comfortable and settled. Well I'm

Not settled yet

Any suggestions

'll

'll

[agoyer]

@shawver2010 I'm so very sorry for your loss. I can imagine the pain you are feeling. 

There is an organization called "The Compassionate Friends" which focuses on support for people who have lost a child (of any age) in their lives. They have a great website - how to find support, including local support groups for those who've lost a child, helpful articles etc. 

We lost my niece to suicide in 2012 and the devastation was terrible. My sister (her mother) found great solace from The Compassionate Friends and attended their conference (they have one coming up in July - info on the website). It was extremely helpful to her. Perhaps it will help you too.

Loss is such a difficult thing - there is no "right" way to do it - no set timeline. Be gentle with yourself and allow the ups and downs. 

Our thoughts are with you - please keep reaching out - I'd love to hear more about your son and how you are doing as well. 

Take care,

Amy Goyer, AARP Family & Caregiving Expert

Author, Juggling Life, Work and Caregiving and

Color Your Way Content When Caring for Loved Ones

[FredSmif]

yes, here is the thread here https://community.aarp.org/t5/Grief-Loss/Death-of-a-daughter/m-p/2072101

Please find someone to talk to about your feelings and loss. I don't know that it's that important for them to have any wise words of wisdom, the important thing is for you to speak and be heard.

[FredSmif]

I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss. I have no children myself but I have read a number of times of the pain that a parent feels when a child is lost may always be there, but not so the suffering and torment. I'm sure that the loss of an older child, or adult child, must hurt just as much. I'm not sure that my words offer any consolation but I wanted to say ~something~ to acknowledge your pain.

I recall that someone else posted of the same situation, a mother posting of the loss of a younger child, a few months back. That was poignant as well, so much so. Perhaps we can locate that thread and you might find some words of healing, and assistance, in that thread as well.

I wish you peace, my friend.

[shawver2010]

I loss my only son  and we were like two peas in a pot can someone help me. Please, thank you. Bg4795