How do you find yourself again after being commented to your husband and he passed away?

[loftonpatty94]

I am a woman who who stayed home and my husband worked. I upkeep the house he was older then me he was my life since I was eighteen it would have been forty years in july. He died at home I took care of him in every way I could. Now I have to find out who I am (alone).Maybe this is not such an excited subject but it's mine.A new start any suggestion? 

[KeishaS883328]

Many community centers in my area always has posts for interesting things to do. Maybe join a local hospice volunteer group and meet new people that may have similar stories. Don’t be afraid to try new things. Age is but a number. Good thoughts and wishes heading your way.

[hc6663]

I too lost my husband of 33 years.  He was older than me.  I was a stay at home mom.  I had to go out and get a job, that wasn't easy.  I did find that it has helped me deal with my grief.  When it is time to come back home it still hurts.  Knowing that he isn't there when I walk in the door.  

I would find myself upset with people that would say oh you have kids and grandkids so you will be okay.  They can't help when you wake up and reach over and that loving hand isn't reaching back for yours. 

I don't know if I will ever not feel like this but I have found that there are a lot of people out there that realy do care.  I have my memories that no one can take away. 

[jh5231035]

I tried to read the replies, but could not open them. I hope you got some answers. I am in a similar situation, except I worked full time outside the home barring several years as a stay home mom. That does not mean that I am not in the same spot of needing to have a self identity and feeling that my world died that night. That hollow, lonely place is deeply painful.

Many "housewives" were not totally dependant on the breadwinner, just contributed in a different way. Your loss makes it hard to see what you really did and what your skills really are.

Go through motions. Be as physically active as you can. Seek natural areas. Know that your mind and your body are not in sinc right now. Do anything that gives you a sense of accomplishment.

If you can, please post what you are doing. 

[carolp627672]

Few things cause more stress or heartache than the death of a mate, relative, or dear friend.

While acknowledging and expressing grief can have a healing effect, there is not one “right way” to grieve. Much may depend on an individual’s culture, personality, and life experiences, as well as the nature of the loss.

Be patient with yourself. Take one day at a time, move at your own pace, and know that the pangs of grief do not last forever. That said, are there things you can do to ease your grief now and even prevent your grief from being unnecessarily prolonged?

The Bible, however, contains more than dependable advice. It provides information found nowhere else, which can bring immeasurable comfort to those who grieve.

• Assurance that our dead loved ones are not suffering

“The dead know nothi\ng,” says the Bible at Ecclesiastes 9:5. Their “thoughts perish.” (Psalm 146:4) Consistent with this, the Bible likens death to peaceful sleep. —John 11:11.

• A strong belief in a loving God brings comfort

The Bible says at Psalm 34:15: “The eyes of Jehovah * are on the righteous, and his ears listen to their cry for help.” Expressing our feelings in prayer to God is more than good therapy or a means of organizing our thoughts. It actually helps us to establish a personal relationship with our Creator, who can use his power to comfort us.

• A better future to look forward to

Imagine a time in the future when those in the grave will be brought back to life here on earth! The Bible repeatedly speaks of such a time. Describing what conditions on earth will then be like, the Bible states that God “will wipe out every tear from [our] eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore.” —Revelation 21:3, 4.

Following is a list of suggestions that will help you.

• 1: ACCEPT SUPPORT FROM FAMILY AND FRIENDS

According to your needs, balance time spent with others and time spent alone.

• 2: WATCH YOUR DIET, AND MAKE TIME FOR EXERCISE

Eat healthful food, drink plenty of water, and exercise moderately.

• 3: GET PLENTY OF SLEEP

Recognize that sleep is essential to dealing with the fatigue of grieving.

• 4: BE FLEXIBLE

Since everyone grieves differently, find what works for you.

• 5: AVOID SELF-DESTRUCTIVE HABITS

Avoid the misuse of alcohol or drugs —which creates more problems than it solves.

• 6: BALANCE YOUR TIME

Alternate periods of grieving with time for socializing and recreation.

• 7: KEEP A ROUTINE

Regain a sense of normalcy by keeping yourself occupied with a good routine.

• 8: AVOID MAKING BIG DECISIONS TOO SOON

If possible, wait a year or more before making big decisions you may later regret.

• 9: REMEMBER YOUR LOVED ONE

Collect pictures and mementos or write in a journal to keep alive your memory of the person who has died.

• 10: GET AWAY

Make time for a change of pace —even if for just a day or part of a day.

• 11: HELP OTHERS

Renew your sense of purpose by doing things for those who need help, including others affected by the loss of your loved one.

• 12: REEVALUATE YOUR PRIORITIES

Use this opportunity to gain new insights into what truly matters and, as needed, make adjustments to your priorities.

The Bible, however, contains more than dependable advice. It provides information found nowhere else, which can bring immeasurable comfort to those who grieve.

• Assurance that our dead loved ones are not suffering

“The dead know nothing,” says the Bible at Ecclesiastes 9:5. Their “thoughts perish.” (Psalm 146:4) Consistent with this, the Bible likens death to peaceful sleep. —John 11:11.

• A strong belief in a loving God brings comfort

The Bible says at Psalm 34:15: “The eyes of Jehovah * are on the righteous, and his ears listen to their cry for help.” Expressing our feelings in prayer to God is more than good therapy or a means of organizing our thoughts. It actually helps us to establish a personal relationship with our Creator, who can use his power to comfort us.

• A better future to look forward to

Imagine a time in the future when those in the grave will be brought back to life here on earth! The Bible repeatedly speaks of such a time. Describing what conditions on earth will then be like, the Bible states that God “will wipe out every tear from [our] eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore.” —Revelation 21:3, 4.

This information was taken from Awake #3 [2018].  For additional information please refer to website jw.org.

[JudyB721065]

Hello @loftonpatty94...sorry for your loss. 40 years is a long time to spend with someone, there are many memories of good and bad times; more good than bad I hope. A loss of a loved one is hard on everyone that has experienced it. We all grieve differently, we all find our own place and time to grieve. You are so right...this is your subject and it is your time to find out who you are. Who you are is the same person you were for the 40 years you shared with your husband. You had to be a good person, a loving mate and a strong support system through the tough times for to have had 40 years together.

Each day is gonna be different..some days you will not want to do anything..you may find yourself full of bitter emotions..only to realize you're not bitter..you're hurting that day. Another day you may laugh at the things both of you enjoyed or at something funny you both said. You are still who you are...no need to start over..love what you shared..embrace the feeling of love between 2 people and know you were very lucky to have experienced that. Keep him with you...sometimes wear his shirt...smile when you see pictures of him...and it's ok to talk to him sometimes...you don't start over..you keep going.

[SIMPLEGAL]

@loftonpatty94,
Bless you for being such a loyal, devoted wife.
My sympathy to you for your loss but please remember your life will go forward and slowly you will begin to adjust.

[ManicProgressive]

I’m so sorry about your losing your husband. 😞 

i can’t speak from personal experience but I watched my mom go through this.  She really got involved with her church. Do you have a group like that where you can become more active? She ended up creating new routines that started filling in for the old routines she had with my dad.  

It’s never a true substitute. But over time, those new routines and friends can help bring structure and meaning that may now feel lost.