Chronic traumatic grief

[coolslick]

This is what I suffer from....on top of being dx with PTSD. The losses are not the cause of the PTSD....

It started with losing my middle daughter at 21 in a horrific car accident...took me 25 years to fully grieve her loss...Between losing my daughter and my second husband on her birthday 13 years later at 54 to lung cancer....I lost my only sister to suicide....and 3 of my closest friends of life....when my husband passed so young I found myself really alone....I tried everything, nothing worked for long....My first husband and I always remained friends since we dated 4 years before we married and had a very tight bond, and my second husband and him liked each other...so when my second husband passed, my first became closer and closer as we used to be...just the friendship , not the relationship...He was a Viet Nam vet who had PTSD when he went in the service and of course Nam made it worse..by 40 his drinking escalated...at one point I couldn't live his life and he couldn't live mine...but we always maintained the frienship....and became closer that we had ever been...he passed last July, I was his caregiver, POA and made all medical decisions...it was all very quick...we knew we loved each other...I can't seem to get it together....I am grieving my teen years with him, his comfort and friendship, he was the father of all 3 of my daughters and the fact that he was the last part of my daughter I had since he was her father....I cry everyday....I miss what was, what could have been....all the deaths I've suffered except my daughters have never taken this much out of me and I am lost...thank you to all who have read this...Angel

[mc6844]

Coolslick, I just saw your post. I'm sorry you've been through so much suffering. It's definitely not easy to lose those we find comfort, and they in us. Were told our loved ones are always with us. I believe that too. Sometimes it's hard to grasp. It sounds like you've had grief upon grief, like a garden of too many 🌹 planted on top of one another. Roots all entwined. I've found counseling beneficial at difficult times in life. Especially grief, which can be tricky. And pops up at different times. When we thought we'd already been through it. A trained counselor could pull it all together and offer direction and guidelines. There are places online that offer free counseling. Chaplains at hospitals can offer suggestions. Whether you choose to or not, taking care of yourself in that way will make you feel better. A little lighter. Also, contributing on the forum can lessen your burden and helps others too. It's a winding road and having caring people who have traveled that road helps so much. Take care!

[coolslick]

thank you for your kind words...between my PTSD and grief I feel as if I have been in counseling most of my life and it is a wonderful tool...I have tried counseling since he passed, talking to a minister and a Catholic priest and none of it has gotten me anywhere but talking to Jesus and feeling it, living the grief, living my thoughts of our love for 55 years, it was mutual for so long..I am grieving more than him...doing less crying since I wrote the original...I do use EFT Tapping also and reading a Bible verse a day ...to help ease the pain...I never rec'd a message from here today..forgot I even joined it ...will post more...God bless....🙂

[KarenD230399]

I I am so very sorry for your loss and losses. You have been through so much. I wish I knew what to say to help you feel better but I promise you that on this forum you will find people that care about you and want to help. I will keep you in my thoughts and again my deepest condolences.

[coolslick]

Thank you Karen...these posts have just been sent to me via email today..I am doing better...thank you for your condolences...I will try to remember to come on here more and to learn to navigate the site better...there are no words, so please never worry about finding them for anyone who has lost someone they love....all we can ever say is I'm sorry. 😊