🕯 A Place To Be With OTHERS Who Are Grieving! WE support each other.

[iLuvAutumn]

🤗🤗🤗  THIS GROUP IS OPEN TO ALL GRIEVERS NO MATTER HOW LONG IT HAS BEEN [years,days].

▶️*** Grief Team Member Cadee said this. ***◀️

SHARING thoughts on caring for oneself, making doctor appointments (and the difficulty in doing so), discussing relocating, dealing with finances and life's decisions are all important issues to discuss. These are all a part of being alone and having to make big decisions for ourselves (perhaps for the very first time). Once one "accepts" the reality of being alone, it is difficult to have to make these decisions for ourselves ALONE. Hearing how others do it and have done it has been extremely helpful to me. Accepting the loss is NOT the end of this journey. Listening to tapes and reading books does not always offer the personal touch needed at times. Having someone make us smile and knowing there are people out there that truly do care about you is a gift. THIS GROUP IS DEDICATED TO CADEE @Cadee2719  🤗🤗🤗

[iLuvAutumn]

🗣  Group Discussion: Any HOBBIES? Some of us have been able to "slowly" return to them. While others have developed "new" ones or can no longer do them (physical,medical,transportation,financial issues).

[iLuvAutumn]

I did pick up a BOOK that has been sitting on my table "unfinished" since last year.

My Variety Puzzle Book, well...

But I am getting there!!!

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[iLuvAutumn]

📸  My LAP boy  🤗🤗🤗

[iLuvAutumn]

SENDING LOTS AND LOTS OF HUGS YOUR WAY!!!  🤗🤗🤗

Julie @JulieT507376 , Jonibee @jonibee , Cadee @Cadee2719 , MC @mc6844 and Marcy @MarcyW882921 .

[jonibee]

My follow up visit showed that the surgery procedure did what was expected and the leg should show improvement over the next month..I also found out that I may have what they call "Baker's Cyst" where the legs bend a fluid build-up with extra attention as to what causes the sudden onset of pain such as Arthrities, salty foods, and other things  refraining and laying on ones side using cold or heat and taking Ibeprofen or Motrin should help with pain. Or see an Orthopedic for further tx...Always something to contend with..I go back in a month for release and then another appt. for other leg to be done...I find that after going to the doctors, it poops me out literally and I am good for nothing the rest of the day...Oh well, there's always tomorrow and what that brings..

[Cadee2719]

  I finally got an appointment with a family doctor in December.  I am hoping that she can diagnose the pain in my legs.  I had an ultrasound last year and they said the blood flow was fine BUT the pain is intense, so much so that I actually thought I had a blood clot in one leg.  When I finally got to see the cardiologist (after 3 months!) he said if it were a blood clot the leg would be red and warm.  I am hoping that I can find someone to diagnose why all this pain in my legs.

[iLuvAutumn]

Cadee @Cadee2719 , could it be arithis (spelling off  🙄) or a cyst like Jonibee @jonibee ?  🤔

Luv you my friend,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

---

[*** CADEE wrote: I finally got an appointment with a family doctor in December.  I am hoping that she can diagnose the pain in my legs.  I had an ultrasound last year and they said the blood flow was fine BUT the pain is intense, so much so that I actually thought I had a blood clot in one leg.  When I finally got to see the cardiologist (after 3 months!) he said if it were a blood clot the leg would be red and warm.  I am hoping that I can find someone to diagnose why all this pain in my legs. ***]

---

[jonibee]

Cadee..Make an appt. with a vascular doctor and they will do ultra sounds again on  your leg(s) and determine whether or not it could be the veins Venous Reflux where the valves don't work like they should ..Atleast this would be ruled out for you ..Meanwhile prop your legs up when you can and use cool or warm to ease the pain .Good Luck..jonibee

[Cadee2719]

  Thank You   I will begin the search for a vascular doctor.  I hope it won't take months to complete this.  It takes forever to get into a doctor here.  I know I have rheumatoid arthritis, BUT the pain in my legs is EVERY DAY, ALL THE TIME as soon as I get out of bed.  Thank You for the information.  I hope that you are recovering well and have resolved the problem.  

[iLuvAutumn]

So Jonibee @jonibee , will the CYST go away with a LIFESTYLE change?  🤔

Luv you my friend,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

---

[*** JONIBEE wrote: My follow up visit showed that the surgery procedure did what was expected and the leg should show improvement over the next month..I also found out that I may have what they call "Baker's Cyst" where the legs bend a fluid build-up with extra attention as to what causes the sudden onset of pain such as Arthrities, salty foods, and other things  refraining and laying on ones side using cold or heat and taking Ibeprofen or Motrin should help with pain. Or see an Orthopedic for further tx...Always something to contend with..I go back in a month for release and then another appt. for other leg to be done...I find that after going to the doctors, it poops me out literally and I am good for nothing the rest of the day...Oh well, there's always tomorrow and what that brings.. ***]

---

[jonibee]

It can and if it doesn't then an Orthopedic doctor would assess it and sometimes the fluid can be drained off to alleviate the pain..I notice it more when I retire to bed and when laying on my back so I will turn on my side and take a pill if it pains. If you google "Baker's Cysts" a whole lot of ingo comes up including exercise and what to eat so not to add to it..like omitting salty items which makes water and certain other foods aggravate it too..Also wear compression stockings ...

[iLuvAutumn]

📸  Attachment  📸  How are YOU???

It's MONDAY = neighbors ABOVE me returned to work after a WEEKEND FROM H.LL with them!!! Happy Dance TRIPLE time. 💃💃💃💃💃💃💃💃💃

I am getting BETTER at being "patient" about MOVING = waiting on laid off daughter to "figure out" WHERE her next job is before I move "closer" to her. Lol, but I still have MY MOMENTS of wanting to do bodily harm to them when they are driving me crazy.  🤣😂

Well, Kroger as usual today to shop (NOT too much, VERY EXPENSIVE  😭), cash in one of my WINNING $1 scratch-off tickets.

Also what I call a CAT BROOM DAY as Mr.  🐈  thinks he OWNS my Studio Apt and on those days when I am NOT at home ALL DAY (retired) he REFUSES to go outside when I am LEAVING apt.  🙄🙄🙄  1st time back in May of this year when I "inherited" him, lol - he looked at me & broom like I AM SO NOT SCARED OF YOU. Then fought the broom. Sorry my boy, cannot leave you inside as you will lose it and hurt yourself. Nope, determined to come and go ALL DAY. But the GOOD NEWS, after that BATTLE in May - all I have to do now is bring out my broom when I am ready to leave and OUT HE GOES.  👍👍👍

Everyone, please keep OUR Julie @JulieT507376 in your thoughts. ANOTHER "difficult" day for our friend.  😭😭😭  NOW TO HOPE life gives her a much needed break from Family Funerals.

Luv you ALL very much,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[Cadee2719]

  HAPPINESS IS BEING OWNED BY A CAT!  😁  My son is having a similiar experience.  There is a cat (with a collar) that comes into his home and visits on a regular basis.  The previous owners had two indoor cats and my son thinks this cat is a friend that visited often.  Funny there are no feral cats in my neighborhood.  I am still questioning whether or not I want a pet to care for.  After being a caregiver since 2001 and especially the last 7 months of Hospice Care,  I honestly don't want to care for anything, even a plant right now.

[iLuvAutumn]

📸  Attachment  📸  Those "small" steps WE sometimes take DO COUNT!!! 🙂

[JulieT507376]

Funeral done now internment tomorrow at national cemetery.  My iPhone pops up slide shows periodically.  Tonight a selfie from nine months before Mark passed popped up.  His smile was full of love.  Don’t recall seeing the photo before or even know where it was taken.  I know he’s here with me!  I need him soooo much.  

[iLuvAutumn]

A QUESTION FOR OUR TWO AARP EXPERTS!!!  🤗🤗🤗

Hi Amy @agoyer and Jane @JaneCares .

I HOPE you are BOTH well and thank you SO MUCH for stopping by the AARP Grief & Loss Forum to help us.  👍👍👍

What has HELPED you to MOVE FORWARD after losing someone you CARED about?

*** Does anyone else have a QUESTION for these two caring and compassionate AARP Experts? ***

Thanks,

Nicole (Grief Support Group)

[agoyer]

@iLuvAutumn After caregiving for both of my parents and my sister for many years (more than a decade) I had a very difficult time adjusting after they had all passed on. After Dad died (he was the last one) I was numb for a few months. Then slowly unthawed. It took about 3 yrs before I felt more like myself. I wrote this column about what it felt like. Life After Caregiving: The Unexpected Beginning. I hope it will be helpful for some of you to see how I managed and found meaning in my life again. Now - Dad has been gone 6 years, Mom since 2013 and my sister Karen since 2014. My niece died in 2012 from suicide - she was just 19 years old. I still think about them all every day. My life will never be the same, but I can feel joy and I have things I look forward to and I have meaning in my life. ❤️  There is hope! And I do have moments now when I smile when I think of them, a good memory comes to mind before I feel sad about missing them. The anguish gets better - or really we just learn to handle it differently over time. Time doesn't extinguish the anguish and sadness and loss, it helps us put it in a place where we can deal with it. Acknowledge it, while also living our lives and feeling joy and love and having fun. It can all co-exist. One doesn't cancel out the other. 

Take care,

Amy Goyer, AARP Family & Caregiving Expert

[Cadee2719]

  Amy, Thank You for your article.  You have given me comfort by explaining your journey. I was a caregiver for over 20 years after my husband had a stroke and then he spent the last seven months in Home Hospice Care dying of lung cancer.  We married at a very young age and were married 61 years when he died.  I had NEVER lived alone and it was frightening for me to be alone when he died.  Hospice Care was very hard both emotionally and physically but I wanted to care for him.  The nurse that came twice a week finally sat me down and explained that I was working so hard to keep him alive and that I had to accept the reality that he is dying.  I could not and would not accept the reality that he was going to die.  Once he did, it was unsafe to remain in my home and I prepared to move out of state to be near my remaining sibling, my brother.  I kept flying to the new state and looking for a home.  My remaining son came with me.  I then began to pack up the house I lived in for over 45 years.  I moved into my new home in April, 2024.  What your article has taught me is that I kept myself SO BUSY since the day my husband, son & brother died that I have yet to mourn their loss.   Yes, I took care of the move, the financial, et. al BUT one year and 9 months later I have yet to deal with the loss, the loneliness, the helplessness, the emptiness in my life. I have dealt with the need to take care of myself and schedule doctor appointments and I have been a member of this group and with their help I have learned to TAKE ONE STEP AT A TIME.  Without them, I would not be here today.  I feel guilty that I am still mourning. I really don't talk to anyone (but my friends on this site) about my feelings. My son still has not dealt with the pain of losing his brother, Dad and Uncle and I do not want to burden him.  Thank You for your article.  You TRULY understand the depth of loss and have helped me to understand that I am STILL healing or maybe I am just truly beginning the process.  I have printed your article and I will read it to remind me that it is ok to cry, to be sad, to miss those that I love and pray that one day I can think of them and smile and remember the happy times.  I realize that now that life has slowed down for me it is time.  Thank You ❤️

[agoyer]

@Cadee2719   Thank you for opening up and sharing your story. I feel very connected  - our losses tend to connect us don't you think? And our joys can do that too. 

So many losses - multiple loved ones including your spouse of so many years, your child, your brother...AND the loss of your role as caregiver, spouse, mom, sister, AND the loss of your home of 45 years. It's a lot to deal with. 

You mention that you've kept busy - please understand that's ok - it was probably the best coping you could do - and not a bad coping skill. Now you are more ready. 

I hear you trying to protect your son by not sharing how you are feeling. I understand this instinct. On the other hand, he is grieving too. Maybe he needs someone to grieve with as much as you do. Maybe he needs permission to be sad, or talk about them. Maybe it would be helpful for you to be honest with each other, or for you to be a role model in terms of getting help for your grief. Just something to think about...

About feeling guilty that you are still mourning...please try to remember that there is no timeline for grief and mourning. No two losses are alike. No two relationship are alike. No two people are alike. So it makes sense that there is no "standard" way to grieve or timeline for it. In many ways, we grieve for the rest of our lives. That doesn't mean we are miserable the rest of our lives. But we will always miss them. So please acknowledge the guilt and consciously release it - it's not serving you and it doesn't help anyone else. Anyone who tells you that you shouldn't "still" be mourning is either worried about you and doesn't know what to say, or is unsure how to help, which makes them uncomfortable so THEY would rather you be done with it. They are selfish. They may be doing their best. Many people just don't deal with emotions so they don't always say or do what is really most supportive. Bottom line - you really have nothing to feel guilty about or be ashamed of! It's really not been very long at all! And you have been doing great in so many ways! Making all the changes you've made! So many people would never be able to do that! 

Reading your post, I'm so proud of you! Fully feel what you feel. Go forth one step at a time! You are a very strong person. You can feel good about that! 

Big hugs to you! 

Take care,

Amy 

[iLuvAutumn]

🙏  OUR PRAYER LIST!!!

Jonibee @jonibee , just had surgery - for a SPEEDY RECOVERY.  🤗🤗🤗

Julie @JulieT507376 , family funeral YESTERDAY - FOR PEACE & COMFORT.  🤗🤗🤗

Cadee @Cadee2719 , trouble walking and chronic pain - FIND OUT CAUSE & SOLUTION.  🤗🤗🤗

Marcy @MarcyW882921 , migraines - THEY STAY AWAY FOREVER.  🤗🤗🤗

*** Anyone else? ***

[jonibee]

I  go for the final follow up tomorrow and the leg seems to be healing well from the procedure though I do have a question  regarding the pain where the leg bends as I wake up stiff there ever morning and it takes a well to "work the kink out"...Hopefully this will subside with the passing of time..The other leg procedure has to wait until a scheduled appt. after Jan due to bacup of others before me..Thank You for thinking of me...

[iLuvAutumn]

🗣  Group Discussion: How do YOU escape during those times the "tears" keep coming? Some pray, spend time with people, bubble bath, nature, read and so on.

[iLuvAutumn]

📽  I BINGE on movies or TV series I have liked. This weekend has been non-stop "crying" in between chores. PERRY MASON has been my choice. ALWAYS watched him through the years. Didnot like Ironside, a spinoff in my opinion.

*** Also HELPS with sleep. Lol, yes I fall asleep while watching. ***

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[iLuvAutumn]

🗣  Group Discussion: Share a RECIPE and/or ASK for one!!!

📸  Attachment  📸

[iLuvAutumn]

MICROWAVE Brown Rice Advice, please!!!

Lol, NO more White Rice due to my Yearly Medicare Blood Test for this year 2024 saying I "is" PRE-DIABETIC. Doctor says exercise & Low Carb Mediterrean Diet.  😭😭😭  I have TRIED to get use to BROWN RICE, but it seems dry. Now per ONLINE, it can get SOGGY if too much water is used. And yes, stove top would be best I am thinking. But for now, my "tiny" microwave is it. Lol, is there some SECRET Ms. Gourmet Cook Cadee @Cadee2719 ? Thanks my friend, Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[iLuvAutumn]

So NO ONE else eats BROWN RICE???

---

[***I WROTE wrote: MICROWAVE Brown Rice Advice, please!!!

Lol, NO more White Rice due to my Yearly Medicare Blood Test for this year 2024 saying I "is" PRE-DIABETIC. Doctor says exercise & Low Carb Mediterrean Diet.  😭😭😭  I have TRIED to get use to BROWN RICE, but it seems dry. Now per ONLINE, it can get SOGGY if too much water is used. And yes, stove top would be best I am thinking. But for now, my "tiny" microwave is it. Lol, is there some SECRET Ms. Gourmet Cook Cadee @Cadee2719 ? Thanks my friend, Nicole  🤗🤗🤗 ***]

---

[Cadee2719]

  Here is something new I have tried: 

Baked Egg Tortilla

l large tortilla

3 large eggs (beaten)

1/3 cup cottage cheese

1/2 large bell pepper finely chopped

Handful of spinach finely chopped

 Salt & Pepper

 1/3 cup grated cheese

 Preheat oven 425.  Place tortilla in pie dish.   Mix eggs, cottage cheese, S & P  Top evenly with bell pepper, spinach and sprinkle with cheese.  Bake till middle is set and edges are golden brown.  Cut with pizza cutter and enjoy.  You can add whatever vegetables you enjoy (mushrooms, zucchini, and even sausage.

[iLuvAutumn]

Cadee @Cadee2719 , thanks and will try when I move. Lol, there is a "tiny" GAS stove here in my Studio Apt I am too "scared" to use. They are famous for malfunctioning and the gas people and fire truck frequent here. Anyway, planning on buying a SMALL SLOW COOKER maybe in December. Luv you,  Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

---

[*** CADEE wrote: Here is something new I have tried: 

Baked Egg Tortilla

l large tortilla

3 large eggs (beaten)

1/3 cup cottage cheese

1/2 large bell pepper finely chopped

Handful of spinach finely chopped

 Salt & Pepper

 1/3 cup grated cheese

 Preheat oven 425.  Place tortilla in pie dish.   Mix eggs, cottage cheese, S & P  Top evenly with bell pepper, spinach and sprinkle with cheese.  Bake till middle is set and edges are golden brown.  Cut with pizza cutter and enjoy.  You can add whatever vegetables you enjoy (mushrooms, zucchini, and even sausage. ***]

---

[iLuvAutumn]

👋  NEED PRE-DIABETIC OMELET RECIPES!!!

Cadee @Cadee2719 and Marcy @MarcyW882921 had SHARED in the past. NOW I need "ideas" for HEALTHY Omelets I will be cooking in my NEW Microwave Omelet Maker from AMAZON. Lol, yes - the one that came with the OTHER microwave items that I NEVER "opened" until TODAY.  🙄🙄🙄

Pre-Diabetic menu = got to WATCH salt mainly.

As far as recipes to SHARE, I will get back to you on that. Lol, been VERY LAZY with cooking. But TODAY I finally have an INTEREST again. Happy Dance Time!!!  💃💃💃

Okay Gourmet Cook Cadee, looking forward to MORE recipes. And Bionic Marcy, anymore HEALTHY "delicious" shakes to share?  🤔

Thanks EVERYONE,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[iLuvAutumn]

👋  GOOD Morning Everyone!!!

How are YOU?

Dear Julie @JulieT507376 , I am HERE for YOU if you need me before and/or after TODAY's funeral.  🤗🤗🤗  and  🤗🤗🤗

Today is a "stay in my bed" UNLESS something changes. Took my blood pressure med and old lady's multi in an EFFORT to take meds on time. Chlolestral tonight when I do my hourly walk inside my Studio Apt. Had a VERY ROUGH night of sadness BUT knowing Mr.  🐈  would be SCRATCHING the s.it out of my door IF I didnot feed him, made me get up./lol   🤣😂  My Cat Alarm that NEVER SHUTS OFF OR SNOOZE until I open my door for his breakfast. My boy!!!

Everyone, I HOPE today brings GOOD stuff your way.

Heading now to make a much needed cup of coffee.

Luv you ALL very much,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗