Re: New here

Tiredmomma · ‎01-16-2020

First time on this site. I'm a caregiver for my elderly parents and have been for many years and suffering from burnout I think. I'm a single mom who returned home to look after my parents, one year turned into another and here I am. Life's feeling blah and so hard these days and I was advised that I should check out this site so here I am. Look forward to chatting/ learning from others going thru the same things.

ErinL463578 · ‎01-17-2020

First time here too, moved back home after my husband passed and my mom needed help. She can't drive and it seemed easier. She has since had a stroke and it's now been 3 years here. I am grateful that we are able to live with our income and she has great insurance. Son just hit high school and he seems stressed but doing great in school, it's not what we thought life would be like. It's been 6 years since my husband passed and I was in the work force.

Tiredmomma · ‎01-17-2020

Thanks for replying, it was nice to hear from someone going thru a similar experience. When my mom first got sick we build a home with an In law suite so I could be close to help but still have my own space, that was the plan for a year and it's been many many more unfortunately It's a new home and much cheaper than if I lived completely on my own but not where I dreamed I would live my son whose a preteen always asks when we will have our own home and I always say one day I've been out of the workforce for awhile As well dealing with my own disability. I worked full time before that so it's been an adjustment. It's harder financially and socially too I miss that connection with my co workers I also have no support system which makes things that much harder and can be lonely at times. I was surprised by how similar Our situations are and what you said " it's not what we thought life would be like" totally summed up how I'm feeling these days. 🙁

ErinL463578 · ‎02-01-2020

Wow, I can't believe either how close our situations are. It is really hard not having a social life but I am 4 years sober now and even though I miss my friends it's ok for me that I stay home on a Friday and Saturday night now. It is lonely not having at least the work relationships and talking to other people besides my mom and son. It's hard to stay busy also and not just be a bump on the log and stay home all the time.

When my husband was alive we also were thinking of the mother in law wing but boy are they expensive and we could not afford to do it and life changed that any way. Since it is just the 3 of us now the townhouse is fine. We have done a lot of remodeling and have a little more to do but we love it and it's in a good location to everything we need.

It's just a matter of thinking that it is just another chapter in life and that it will change in time like everthing else that has happend to us in our lifetime. I feel like a cat with 9 lives and I am just in the middle and more lives are in my future because nothing stays the same. We just need to hang in there by our claws and don't let go.

JaneCares · ‎02-01-2020

Hey there, Tired Momma and Erin,

There's a lively community over at Facebook if you do facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/aarpfamilycaregivers/

Also, i know it's hard to get out and meet people, but social isolation does not have to be part of the caregiving burden. Is there a senior center with free lunches that you could both go to once a week, or every day? is there a caregivers support group out in your town? is there a worship community you could start attending? The Unitarians are very informal and welcoming, particularly if you're not that into 'organized' religion. Or go church shopping. Free coffee and cookies afterward. If you're an introvert, get to know the Tuesday morning librarian at your local library. One human at a time. So important not to be all alone in this.

much respect,

Jane

ErinL463578 · ‎02-01-2020

We talk about getting out to places like that but mom is not into the senior centers because she thinks she is not that old ha ha. We do have a church and try and get there as much as possible but mom can't walk that far so we are out doing short jonts shopping and doing lunch with my mother in law that lives close. We took a trip for Christmas up to a lodge in northern MN because she has always wanted to do that. We also will be taking a trip into WI this summer to visit one of her college friends from way back. We try and make it there every summer for her. Thanks for the ideas, the library sounds like one we have not tried.