Hurt Feelings

[kathleens448628]

I moved in with my elderly parents (both in their mid-80's) 2 years ago. They need more help than they are willing to admit to. How do I approach a subject like poop on clothes or taking over shopping without hurt feelings. I also worry about making either parent feel useless but there are hygiene and quality of life issues.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[JaneCares]

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@kathleens448628 wrote:

I moved in with my elderly parents (both in their mid-80's) 2 years ago. They need more help than they are willing to admit to. How do I approach a subject like poop on clothes or taking over shopping without hurt feelings. I also worry about making either parent feel useless but there are hygiene and quality of life issues.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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Hi Kathleen!

Your parents are so lucky to have you there. They probably have an inkling... 

I think that one approach is to be kind and be WITH them instead of taking over FROM them, so, for example, go shopping WITH them. I hope that they enjoy your presence, and would welcome a shopping trip to the grocery store with your help. If there's poop in the dirty drawers, you can monitor discretely how much... is he or she starting to smell like poop? Perhaps buying a box of Depends and discretely putting in their bedroom... Emphasis on 'discretely.' 

No one likes being 'infantilized' even though both small children and elderly people might share a need for diapers, and you know this. So being polite, cheerful, and participatory rather than controlling, might not hurt feelings as much as bring relief.

AARP has started a very lively caregiving group on facebook, so if you want more voices chiming in, that's another place to ask.  Feel free to say more here, too. Not everyone is on facebook, obviously.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/aarpfamilycaregivers/

Take care, and write more?

Jane

[kathleens448628]

Thank you for the help. I'll keep this approach in mind.