HELP ! Protecting Mothers Assets. HELP !.

[c31866d]

Posting this subject in hopes of receiving input from other care givers.  My mother is 83 and seld admittingly experiencing dementia. Long story short the nephew has knocked on her door and told her that she promised him 10K, drove her to the bank & along side her at the tellers window received the money. I visited her that day and she was very upset explaining she felt pressured and scammed. Next days call she was crying and said she did not get much sleep. I was wondering if any one has some problem solving input for this situation. I am thinking of contacting a bank executive and inquiring as to any assistance to prevent the syphoning off of her accounts. The nepew has a substance abuse problem and I see this as an assured  reoocurring behavior. Please Help if you have remedy advice.  Yours truly   .. Momprotetor

[HerbertB282249]

Hello momprotector,

Your story is a familiar one but a sad one because my experiences (I'm in California) are horrible because the police, the adult protection services (APS), the banks are useless despite their propaganda about protecting the elderly from financial abuse and undue influence. For example, Bank of America and Well Fargo do not recognize powers of attorney, yes I understand that POAs are a dime a dozen but even if you have joint checking and/or savings account with your elderly mom/dad/both, the banks will close the account if one of the joint parties decides to secretly clean it out and close the account in secret - the banks won't notify you in advance but only afterwards. The police and APS conduct a minimal investigation and it becomes a "he said, she said" investigation result with nothing in depth or good faith efforts to find and prove that a crime was committed. Unfortunately, the laws allow an elderly to self-destruct if you cannot prove undue influence. 

[NJSmirk]

Mother 92 is addicted to mail order trinkets. We finally had to step in after a 28 year relationship with Publishers Clearing House when she began bouncing checks . She was paying a monthly bill of $450.00 per month to them. When we discovered why she never had any funds available and had to take money out of savings just to pay taxes. We did a little caculating and found that they had taken her for nearly $50,000.00 for a closet full of usless trinkets and stale candy & nuts. Duplicates and triplecats of the same items looked at once, and placed back in the boxes. She always writes the dates on the boxes before stashing them away.

Now she has turned to charity giving. We thought at least it was for a good cause but discovered that its all about getting the shiny stickers, return address labels, calanders, note pads, and tote bags. Giving to one charity causes a bombardment of of mail coming in soliciting for funds. She treats them like her bills she enjoys having to  pay and always gives the suggested amount. (which is sometimes up to $150.00 ) The biggest problem is that Mother is not wealthy. She lives on a fixed income and covers her own insurance premiums and household bills. She doesn't buy cloths for herself and dresses in rags but insists on shopping at Macys where she buys expensive bath powder and perfume.but could really use some new bedding and Shoes that are not so tight. I've offered to take her shopping for new shoes but Mother insists that she can't buy shoes because she has to have a triple A narrow that no one carries. (she is 4' 11" and weights 160. That shoe size increased many years ago) So she crams her feet into the same old shoes that squish her feet into muffin tops.  I have ordered some shopping catalogs for her, hopeing she will find something useful to receive in the Mail since that seems to be part of the thrill. Just looking for suggestions. We also tried to get her to join some senior centers to socialize but she wont go. 

[AmandaSingleton]

Hi Momprotector:  What a difficult issue to reckon with.  I'm sorry that this has happened. 

There are a lot more facts I'd like to know if I were the attorney assisting you, but by way of general information to get you on a path forward based on what you wrote: 

Many states have laws in place to protect its senior residents.  Elder financial abuse and exploitation are not taken lightly, and often come with higher criminal penalties.  It is very possible that the nephew's actions could expose him to criminal liability.  I can't advise you here, but this may be something to look into further.  I'm sorry to hear of his struggles with addiction and substance abuse.  As you said, without some kind of intervention, reoccurence is likely.  Some considerations:  if there is imminent danger to your mother, 911 is always the first course of action.  If she feels threatened or harrassed by the nephew, her immediate safety is #1.  Theft of any kind should be reported to law enforcement.  You may find helpful information through your state's Adult Protective Services, and any local or state social services agencies.  Your state should also have an elder abuse hotline that you can find through the National Center on Elder Abuse (https://ncea.acl.gov)

The bank should be made aware of this situation ASAP, whether it is through the authorities or through you.  Just please know that the bank will probably not speak with you about much detail unless your name is on the account or your mother designated you as her agent.  Which leads me to.... 

Has your mother done her life care and estate planning?  Even if a person has cognitive impairment/dementia, they may still have capacity to do legal planning.  For so many reasons, it would be well worth your time to explore this with an attorney who is licensed in the state mom and you live (I'm guessing you live nearby based on your post).   Having a solid designation of an agent in a power of attorney, adjusting how accounts or titled, and making a plan of action for further cognitive decline while the person still has decision-making abilities can make ALL the difference in quality of life, ease of caregiving, and preventing exploitation and abuse. 

Your mom is so lucky to have you on her side.  Please keep us posted.

[nyadrn]

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@AmandaSingleton wrote:

Hi Momprotector:  What a difficult issue to reckon with.  I'm sorry that this has happened. 

There are a lot more facts I'd like to know if I were the attorney assisting you, but by way of general information to get you on a path forward based on what you wrote: 

Many states have laws in place to protect its senior residents.  Elder financial abuse and exploitation are not taken lightly, and often come with higher criminal penalties.  It is very possible that the nephew's actions could expose him to criminal liability.  I can't advise you here, but this may be something to look into further.  I'm sorry to hear of his struggles with addiction and substance abuse.  As you said, without some kind of intervention, reoccurence is likely.  Some considerations:  if there is imminent danger to your mother, 911 is always the first course of action.  If she feels threatened or harrassed by the nephew, her immediate safety is #1.  Theft of any kind should be reported to law enforcement.  You may find helpful information through your state's Adult Protective Services, and any local or state social services agencies.  Your state should also have an elder abuse hotline that you can find through the National Center on Elder Abuse (https://ncea.acl.gov)

The bank should be made aware of this situation ASAP, whether it is through the authorities or through you.  Just please know that the bank will probably not speak with you about much detail unless your name is on the account or your mother designated you as her agent.  Which leads me to.... 

Has your mother done her life care and estate planning?  Even if a person has cognitive impairment/dementia, they may still have capacity to do legal planning.  For so many reasons, it would be well worth your time to explore this with an attorney who is licensed in the state mom and you live (I'm guessing you live nearby based on your post).   Having a solid designation of an agent in a power of attorney, adjusting how accounts or titled, and making a plan of action for further cognitive decline while the person still has decision-making abilities can make ALL the difference in quality of life, ease of caregiving, and preventing exploitation and abuse. 

Your mom is so lucky to have you on her side.  Please keep us posted.

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This is a very very toucty area!  I would certainly not want my son talking to an attorney about me without me unless it was definite that I could no  longer handle my own affairs and I make sure to have a doctor review yearly.  There are many children who are not responsible adults whose first consideration is not mom..  so be very careful about this area.  If at all possible, both of you should be there for any and all discussions about mom.

" Has your mother done her life care and estate planning?  Even if a person has cognitive impairment/dementia, they may still have capacity to do legal planning.  For so many reasons, it would be well worth your time to explore this with an attorney who is licensed in the state mom and you live (I'm guessing you live nearby based on your post).   Having a solid designation of an agent in a power of attorney, adjusting how accounts or titled, and making a plan of action for further cognitive decline while the person still has decision-making abilities can make ALL the difference in quality of life, ease of caregiving, and preventing exploitation and abuse. "

[AmandaSingleton]

For sure!  Everyone should be the captain of their own ship.  My post was to the point that so long as a person has competence and desire to do so, a solid estate and life care plan can protect them, preserve their assets, prevent exploitation, etc. even past the point of a future cognitive decline.   Ideally, we have a plan in place before the point that competence is a question.

It can be so beneficial for the caregiver and the care partner to talk in detail about what the care partner's wishes are (either with the attorney/other professional or not).  That way everyone is on the same page and the caregiver will know what the care partner wants and can carry it out.  The best surrogate or agent for you will always be the person who can put their wishes aside and do what YOU would want.  

[nyadrn]

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@c31866d wrote:

Posting this subject in hopes of receiving input from other care givers.  My mother is 83 and seld admittingly experiencing dementia. Long story short the nephew has knocked on her door and told her that she promised him 10K, drove her to the bank & along side her at the tellers window received the money. I visited her that day and she was very upset explaining she felt pressured and scammed. Next days call she was crying and said she did not get much sleep. I was wondering if any one has some problem solving input for this situation. I am thinking of contacting a bank executive and inquiring as to any assistance to prevent the syphoning off of her accounts. The nepew has a substance abuse problem and I see this as an assured  reoocurring behavior. Please Help if you have remedy advice.  Yours truly   .. Momprotetor

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Another in an endless list of people who do not take action when they should.  Your mother should have made sure to have a trusted relative added to her accounts at some point.  We all should. If you have no one then that is another issue.  Now would be the time to do that.  You should also take  your mother to the bank and meet with the bank manager and explain what happened.  If the nephew is a substance abuser than it is doubtful that the money is recoverable but you can prevent it from happening again at the bank.  But does she live alone?  What if he goes to her home and becomes angry when she declines his request for money.  Seems like you have to take a serious look at this situation now!

[SIMPLEGAL]

Contacting the bank sounds like a good idea. Your mother may need to be present as it is her account. You may want to be added to her accounts or she can appoint you as her "Power of Attorney".