Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's over 10 years ago, I became her POA when a fall as we were going to physical therapy, landed her in the ER so I could be sure she wasn't injured. Mom couldn't recall any of her medical history, not one thing. I was established then and there as her POA, medical and financial. It began a road we travelled with care, kindness, sharp eagle eye for her needs, for more than a decade. I was 50 when we began the journey, and 62 when she died a year and a half ago.
I assured over the years she had right setting, freedom, and that meant moving from her apartment to independent living, learning that wasn't a fit as she was overwhelmed and did have difficulty cooking in the newer kitchen, a small stove fire, and she had to move. She came to my family home with me for 6 months as I researched the options, she did qualify for assisted care that was subsidized, the waiting list was a few more months, and she could move there. It was an incredibly happy time for my mom, friends, groups, outings, she was so happy for over 8 years. The financial, medical, care oversight was extremely difficult for me, Mom was a former teacher, did not have social security, her pension was small, so much money and time went out to her care year after year, I tried to get support for helping from family, my 5 brothers either didn't understand or didn't care about the real needs--it was years of trying--I gave up, finally, to avoid worse feelings.
So, yes, my marriage also suffered from the constant pull and tug of mom's needs, my career's needs, while trying to be the new grandma I was as well. It was okay enough, my exhaustion and self care never adequate, until February 2020, mom got an infection on her face which required hospitalization and two minor debridements. This ended up with the need for rehabilitation in the nursing homme. Then Covid, then chaos, then misdiagnosis, and my mom was terrified, and nursing staff were not able to care properly for mom, I brought her home with full home care support. My husband decided if she was there, he was divorcing me, he did, I had two years of being reked by lawyers, caring for mom in a rental home with support, We did it, she chose hospice, had a peaceful passing here with just us and phone hospice support, but since she died, I'm a wreck. I must mov from this home I rented for us, I've had grief, illnes, injury, and finally took early retirement as I keep trying to pqrt time work. I have a place to move with my friend, a perfect and large townhouse owned by her daughter, I do not have the resources to hire a truck, get things in order, and packed by May 1st.
I am seriously concerned I may be heading for the nursing home without help. Are there financial resources to assist family caregivers as they rebuild life after years and years of caregiving, years of giving everything, and then it bottom's out? I need help, it looks like I'm just a lazy slob, but, I am being treated finally, for depression, my long term therapist also died during Covid, it has been so so so hard. I want to be happier, this home feels like my mom's tomb, all we ever had here were her final years, Covid imposed isolation, and I need help, some support, just to get on my feet and move toward something new. Any immediate ideas are so appreciatied. I'm in Illinois.