Senior Citizen stories, Senior jokes and cartoons.

[DaveMcK]

Hope this topic gives us another winner. Senior stories, jokes or cartoons to enjoy and have fun laughing at ourselves. 

BEST EVER SENIOR CITIZEN JOKE.....

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea" and then he said with a deep sigh ............

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

[DaveMcK · Accepted solution]

[DaveMcK]

[dl73698250]

A young techie and a senior were talking about how the world is changing. The techie kept saying that you gotta keep up with times, or you'll get left behind. The senior said that he wasn't really impressed with Artificial Intelligence. Humans with natural inteligence can pull rabbits out of hats. But, all AI can do, is pull Simulated Holographic Imaging Tasks out of its Assumably Sophisticated Storage. And if you tried to abbrieviate it, it wouldn't get published, and you'd get nothing at all.

[DaveMcK]

[LydiaN586309]

STANDARDS

Little old lady is sitting on a bench in Miami Beach. A man walks over and sits down on the other end of the bench. After a few moments, the woman asks, “Are you a stranger here?” He replies, “I used to live here years ago.”

“So, where were you all these years?”

“In prison,” he says.

“For what did they put you in prison?”

He looks at her, and very quietly says, “I killed my wife.”

“Oh,” says the woman. “So you’re single…”

[LydiaN586309]

GRANDMA AND THE NUDIST COLONY

A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current picture. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts one in half and sends her the top part.

Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half. He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong part, but then remembers how bad his grandmother’s eyesight is and hopes she won’t notice.

A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says, “Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style? It makes makes your nose look awfully short!”

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[LydiaN586309]

[DaveMcK]

[LydiaN586309]

[LydiaN586309]

[DaveMcK]

[LydiaN586309]

[LydiaN586309]

[LydiaN586309]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[LydiaN586309]

It's called multi-tasking!

[LydiaN586309]

"I snapped my whipper y-e-a-r-s ago!" ~ Me

[LydiaN586309]

[DaveMcK]

A suttle hint for what she wants for Mother's Day!

[DaveMcK]

[LydiaN586309]

Very funny Dave.  Sad but I know a very senior couple who have a 30 something son who will not leave.  Their gentle prodding and mindful hints have proven fruitless.  He won't budge.  Maybe I'll suggest the changing of the locks the next time he goes on vacation.  Smile.

[DaveMcK]

[LydiaN586309]

Arthur is 90 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. “That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has gotten so bad that once I’ve hit the ball, I can’t see where it went.” His wife sympathizes and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down, she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you and give it one more try.” “That’s no good,” sighs Arthur. “Your brother’s a hundred and three. He can’t help.” “He may be a hundred and three,” says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.” So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes an almighty swing, and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law. “Did you see the ball?” “Of course I did!” replies the brother-in-law. “I have perfect eyesight.” “Where did it go?” asks Arthur. “I don’t remember.”

[LydiaN586309]

[LydiaN586309]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]