Senior Citizen stories, Senior jokes and cartoons.

[DaveMcK]

Hope this topic gives us another winner. Senior stories, jokes or cartoons to enjoy and have fun laughing at ourselves. 

BEST EVER SENIOR CITIZEN JOKE.....

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea" and then he said with a deep sigh ............

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

[DaveMcK · Accepted solution]

[LydiaN586309]

[happysmile13]

YES WISHING

[LydiaN586309]

[LydiaN586309]

SMOKIN’

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

GERT: Holy smoke, What’s that?
MABEL: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.

GERT: Where did you get it?
MABEL: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Gert hobbles into the local drugstore and tells the pharmacist that she needs a box of condoms.

The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, almost 90 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers. Gert answers, “Doesn’t matter son, as long as it fits a Camel.”

The pharmacist fainted.

[DaveMcK]

Seniors!

[DaveMcK]

Turkey jokes!

[LydiaN586309]

Posted by Me.

[LydiaN586309]

Posted by Me.

[DaveMcK]

Turkey joke!

[DaveMcK]

Hope this works for everyone as it is from Facebook!

Click link: https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1139520462890379&id=235592407101842

[DaveMcK]

Time for some turkey joke for a while!

[LydiaN586309]

Posted by Me.

[LydiaN586309]

Posted by Me.

[DaveMcK]

Seniors jokes

[LydiaN586309]

The Famous Man
On day a famous man went to a nursing home to see all of his friends again and see how there were doing. When he got there EVERYBODY greeted him [because, of course, everybody knows him]. One man he noticed didn't come up to him or say anything to him, so later he walked up to the man and asked him "Do you know who I am?" and the old man replied "No, but you can go to the front desk and they'll tell you."

[LydiaN586309]

This is not really a senior joke, but it's funny.  So here goes:

Police pull over a teenager
Police: where do u live?
teenager: with my parents
Police: where does ur parents live?
teenager: with me
Police: where do u all live?
teenager: together
Police: where is ur house?
teenager: next to my neighbors house
Police: where is your neighbors house?
teenager: if i tell you u wont believe me.
Police: tell me
teenager: next to my house

[LydiaN586309]

Chocolate covered Peanuts
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?' 'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?'
The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'

("Oh, be still my churning tummy!")

[LydiaN586309]

A couple in their nineties were both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor told them that they were physically okay, but might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asked. 

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" 

"Sure.." 

"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asked. 

"No, I can remember it.." 

"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?" 

He said, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." 

"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that - write it down?" she asked. 

Irritated, he said, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!" 

Then he toddled off into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returned and handed his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment.

"Where's my toast?"

[LydiaN586309]

Posted by Me

[DaveMcK]

Old timers!

[LydiaN586309]

Rock and Roll isn't what it used to be.

[DaveMcK]

28 Things Only Baby Boomers Will Remember

Ah, simpler times.

By Jamie Ballard

Apr 27, 2018

From the 1940's to tthe 1960's!

Link:

https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/entertainment/g20074870/baby-boomer-facts/?src=arb_fb_m&utm_so...

[DaveMcK]

Seniors!

[LydiaN586309]

Neither can I.

[LydiaN586309]

Being young ain't all it's "quacked" up to be!

[LydiaN586309]

GETTING OLDER CAN BE FUN!

Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older.

One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich."

The second lady chimed in, "Yes, some times I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."

The third one responded, "Well, I'm glad I don't have that problem; knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, then told them "That must be the door, I'll get it!"

[LydiaN586309]

Two Old Guys at Dinner

An elderly couple has dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives leave the table and go into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one says, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."

The other man asks, "What is the name of the restaurant?"


The first man thinks and thinks and finally asks, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns."

"Do you mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turns towards the kitchen and yells, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

*******************

I laffed out loud on this one! 

[LydiaN586309]

Elderly Man Thinks Fast (A Funny Little Story)

An elderly farmer in Florida had a large pond down by his fruit orchard. One evening he decided to go down to the pond and took a five gallon bucket to pick some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard female voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in the pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man thought for a second and said, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or to make you get out of the pond naked.'

Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator!'

Moral of the Story:   Old men can still think fast.

[DaveMcK]

Another senior moment!

[LydiaN586309]

Still rollin'.......