AARP Eye Center
In Response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket. The husband picks up a case of Miller Lite and puts it in their cart.
"What are you doing?" asks the wife.
"Their on sale, only $10. for 24 cans." he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them," orders the wife. They carry on shopping....
A few aisles farther on, the wife picks up a $20. jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
Her husband retorts, "So does the 24 cans of Miller Lite, and it's half the price."
CLEAN-UP IN AISLE 25 ! 
In Response to Re: Re: Re: Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
Twelve Itailan priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, nude model danced before them....
Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction..
She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests, until she got to the final priest, Carlos.... Poor Carlos, as she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off, clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage.
Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest, and bent over to pick it up...... all the other bells started ringing ! 
In Response to Re: Re: Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
AN ARAB STUDENT SENDS AN E-MAIL TO HIS DAD.....
Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here... but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB, when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train...
Your son, Nasser
The next day, Nasser gets a reply from his dad.
My dear loving son,
Twenty million US dollars has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go get yourself a train too!
Love, your Dad 
In Response to Re: Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
Maxine says :
A man without a woman, is a bachelor.....
A woman without a man, is a genius! 
The kids filed back into class on Monday morning. They were very excited.
Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.
Little Sally led off, "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30." she said proudly. "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."
"Very good," said the teacher.
Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."
"Very good, Jenny." said the teacher.
Eventually it was little Johnny's turn (you remember him don't cha?)
The teacher held her breath.........
Little Johny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk..."$2,467," he said !
"$2,467,!" cried the teacher. "What in the world were you selling?"
"Toothbrushes." said little Johnny.
"Toothbrushes!" echoed the teacher. "How could you possibly sell enough toothbrushes to make that much money?"
"I found the busiest corner in town." said little Johnny, "and set up a chip & dip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample."
"They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog s *** !"
"Then I would say, "it is dog s***. Wanna buy a toothbrush?" 
"I used the governmental approach of giving you something s***** for free, and then making you pay to get the s***** tase out of your mouth.:
In Response to SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
A man and wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their kids, all very successful, all agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.
"Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad" gushed son number one, a surgeon. "Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift."
"Not to worry," said the father, the important thing is that we're all together today."
Son number two, a lawyer, arrived and announced "You and Mom look great Dad." I just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn't have time to shop for you.: "It's nothing," said the father. "We're glad you were able to come."
Just then the daughter, a marketing executive, arrived. "Hello and Happy Anniversary! I'm sorry but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing, so I didn't have time to get you anything."
After they finished dessert, the father said, "There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you all for a long time."
"You see, we were very poor. Despite this, we were able to send each of you to college. Throughout the years your mother and I knew we loved each other, but we just never found the time to get married."....
The three children gasped and all said, "You mean were bastards?"
"Yep," said the father. "And cheap ones too!" 
An 8 yr. old says to his Grandma..... "Gram, you know how to make a tissue dance?"
"No, sweetie, how do you make a tissue dance?" asked his Grandma.
To this he replied, ..."You put a little Boogey in it !"
Welcome Shelby ! Thanks for my smile this morning... a ring of truth to that one huh!? LOL Have a nice day. 
Frank always looked on the bright side...He would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the circumstances, he would always reply, "It could have been worse." To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank coould find no hope in it.
On the golf course one day, one of them said, "Frank, did you hear about Tom?" He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both and then turned the gun on himself.! "
"That's awful," said Frank, "But it could have been worse.".....
"How in the hell," asked his bewildered friend. "Could it have been worse?"
"Well, " replied Frank, "If it happened the night before, I'd be dead now.!" 
Two priests are in the Vatican bathroom using the urinals. One of them notices that the others penis has a Nicoderm patch on it ! He commented, "I believe you are supposed to put that on your arm or shoulder. The other replies, "It's working just fine. I'm down to two butts a day."
* If you laugh, you'll go straight to hell...." 
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