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SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Honored Social Butterfly


@BonnieC10 wrote:

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind the teams' bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it." she replied "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents" !

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?

"Well... " she said, " I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, "Get the quarterback ! Get the quarterback "!   Hel-lllo.... it's only 25 cents !  I hate to think what they would do if it was a whole DOLLAR! "

 

 


Hey BonnieC10,

I've read many of your jokes here and many of them are funny.  But it was this one that made me laugh out loud and I'm still smiling now.

Thanks.

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Why did the fig go out with the prune?

 

 

Because he couldn't get a date !

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I don't have an attitude,

I have a personality

You can't handle.

 

 

 

Did you know that Line Dancing was started by women

wanting to use the bathroom?

 

 

I really think that tossing and turning

all night

Should be counted as exercise!

 

 

Maxine

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Ah !     Being young is beautiful.....

but being old is comfortable.

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The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

 

 

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL ...

 

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement,

 

Did you ever notice:   When you put the two words "The" and " IRS" together it spells 'theirs'...

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I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and calling it "Pumping Rust."

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Have you ever just looked at someone and knew

that the wheel was turning,

but the hampster was dead?

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I'll ignore your

BEER GUT

If you ignore my

WINE HANDLES

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Marriage, lets you annoy that one special person

For the rest of your life.

Gold Conversationalist

In addition to birthday greetings for Americans 80 or older, anniversary greetings are also sent to couples celebrating 50 or more years of marriage.

Requests must be put in writing and sent by mail to:

 

                                                                  White House

                                                             Attn: Greetings Office

                                                                     Room 39

                                                            Washington, D.C.  20502

 

Your request should be made six weeks prior to the occasion.

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Many thanks to all who have followed along and maybe gotten a chuckle or two this past year. Here's hoping your year has been healthy and happy, and the upcoming one will be even better.

 

 

         HAPPY 2018 !

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Americans 80 or older, and those celebrating 50 years or more of marriage can recieve greetings from the White House by writing to :

 

White House

Attn:  Greetings Office

Room 39

Washington, D.C.   20502

 

Requests should be made at least 6 weeks prior to the occasion.

For recorded info call 202-456-2724

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Dear Santa,

 

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all year.

 

Yer frend BILly

 

 

 

 

Dear Billy,

 

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a friggin' book so you can learn to read and write?

I'm giving your older brother the Space Ranger. At least HE can spell!

 

 

Santa

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He did it again this year......

Santa mixed up my request for a fat bank account, and a thin body !   

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May everyone have a very MERRY CHRISTMAS  and a HAPP2018 !

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Never catch snowflakes with your tongue, until ALL the birds have gone south for the winter.

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What happens when you pull the plug on an air conditioner?

 

It loses it's cool.

 

 

 

 

 

On the Lighter Side

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DEAR SANTA ....

 

I'm writing to let you know...

 

I've been naughty this year..

 

And it was worth it !

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Adolescence is a period of rapid changes. A child may see his parents age 20 years.

 

 

 

On the Lighter Side

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First Student:

"Too bad you flunked the test. How far were you from the right answer?"

Second Student:

" Two seats."

 

 

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time. But most of the time they make fools of themselves.

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You know it's a cold day when your teeth start chattering and they're still on the nightstand.

 

 

 

Maxine

 

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Periodic Contributor

Early one morning late at night                                                                                                                  Two dead soldiers began to fight                                                                                                                 Back to back they faced each other                                                                                                           Pulled out thier knives and shot each other                                                                                               If you don't believe this lie is true                                                                                                               Ask the blind man he saw it too            

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It's not really cold out until the dog's frozen himself to the hydrant.

 

 

 

 

Maxine

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I was caught without earmuffs during a sudden cold snap but managed to improvise with an old padded bra.

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HAPPY THANKSGIVING DAY

                   TO AL!

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Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps,which you will need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food, and that vat of eggnog.

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"Spare me the woman who serves a plate of naked vegetables."

 

 

 

 

Erma Bombeck

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Life is like salsa....

The more spices you add,

The better the flavor.

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Americans feast on 535 million pounds of turkey on Thanksgiving.

 

Benjamin Franklin wanted the turkey to be our national bird.

 

The heaviest turkey ever raised weighed in at 86 lbs. about the size of a German Shepherd.

 

In Mexico, the turkey was a sacrificial bird !

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I CAN RISE AND SHINE...

BUT NOT AT THE SAME TIME.

 

 

TIME FOR A SNOW TIRE RECAll...

I CAN'T RECALL WHERE I PUT THEM.

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