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- Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY
SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY
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Mick and Paddy were walking home after a night on the beer when a severed head rolled along the ground.
Mick picked it up to his face and said to Paddy, "Jez, that look like Sean." to which Paddy replied, "No, Sean is taller than that."
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McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini after martini....
Each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled, with olives and all the drinks consumed, he started to leave.
"S'cuse me" said a customer, "What was that all about?"
"Nothing," he replied, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives."
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A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus' mother's name?"
One child answered , "Mary."
The teacher then asked, "Who knows what Jesus' father's name was?"
A little kid said, "Verge."
Confused, the teacher asked, "Where did you get that?"
The kid said,....."Well, you know, they are always talking about Verge n' Mary."
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A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States.
He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me come into this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and a free education !"
The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am a Mexican."
The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America." The person says, "I not American, I Vietnamese."
The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand, and says, "Thank you for wonderful America!"
That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from the Middle East. I am not American ."
He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an American?"
She says, " No, I'm from Africa."
Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"
The African lady checks her watch and says, "Probably at work."
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Three drunk men entered a taxi. The taxi driver knew they were drunk, so he started the engine and then turned it back off again and said, "You've reached your destination."
The 1st guy gave him money, the 2nd guy said, "Thank you", and the 3rd guy slapped him !
The driver was shocked and asked "What was that for?"
The 3rd guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly go us killed!"
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Oldie but goodie:
A man was sun bathing naked at the beach, and for the sake of civility, and to keep from geting sunburned , he placed a hat over his privates.
A woman walks past and says smiling, "If you were a gentleman, you would lift your hat."
He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly, it would raise itself."
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I was eating breakfast and having coffee with my grandaughter . When I asked her what holiday was coming up?
She said, "President's Day".
I asked her 'What does President's Day mean?"
I thought she 'd say something about Washington, Lincoln, OBama, Bush etc....
She replied, "President's Day is when the President steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we have another year of BS !
Note: Hot coffee hurts when it spurts out of your nose!
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I was having breakfast and hot coffee with my 10 yr.old grandaughter , when I asked her," what day is tomorrow?"
She replied, "It's President 's Day."
I asked, "what does President's Day mean?"
I thought she might say something about Washington, Lincoln, Obama, or Bush etc.
She replied, "President's Day is when the President goes out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow we'll have another year of BS !"
You know... it hurts when hot coffee spurts out of your nose...
Have a good day !
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