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I remember when I first saw him- playing at a rugby game in Hawaii. It was an intense game, more physical than football, as they wear no padding or helmet. A guy came running out, with blood pumping like a fountain out of his head. I said I had enough, ( that wasn't him, someone else).
The next day, I was sitting under a palm tree studying for a history exam and a guy walked past me, stopped turned around, and came by me and said" Hi". I thought to myself if I ignore him he will go away. But, he didn't go away. Then, he sat down. Now, I have to talk with him. He didn't know much English but we made conversation and he was funny.
This is the wonderful person that I married. He came from Tonga, the Friendly Islands. He always made jokes, and I think I was too serious but he always made me smile. The one thing about him, is Nothing is Impossible. He told me I must always Forgive and move on, let it go. Also, when, I got married, my Mom told me that since I was marrying a different race, we would have major blow ups for a year, and to always talk with each other everyday. She was dead right ,but it lasted two years. His customs and my customs were really different but we made a pact. We would take some of his and some of mine and let the rest go! It worked out like a charm.
Whenever, he got real mad, I would say- whatever - and walk away and that infuriated him. So, I realized, I have to change the word and said- have a nice day and walked away and he was puzzled and said" Want to go for a drive? And I knew this was our chance to make it Beautiful again. So, it's about comprising too. Our beautiful drives brought out everything because of the scenery, beaches, oceans, blue skies, people laughing, so why stay mad?
Whatever works, keep repeating it thru your whole relationship!
My husband has since passed away but I see his harmony in my 4 children!
We've been married 55 years, we knew each other since we were 12, I didn't like him, dated at 15 he had changed, then married at 17. I feel it is very important to be friends first, if you can't like someone, you can't love them.
We have been thru 4 yrs of The Marines, Viet Nam, a daughter killed and we are still loving each other just as much. Laughs and fights along the way, this tends to happen when you marry at 17. Sometimes if we do argue, I have learned to just say OK Bob and walk away, esp. after our daughter was killed. I learned that in grief counseling, just walk away, then there is NO argument.
Lots of laughs, my husband jokes with all of us, Our 10th Annv. was a surprise trip to NY. and for our 25th we went to the Bahamas. On Valentines Day all 3 of us girls got candy. Flowers at times, cards and clothes too many times.
Now we have gone out for a nice lobster dinner for the past several years.
I feel you just truly love someone or you don't. I always say he is the man my HEART loves. I will love him until the day He Dies.
I believe that the secret to a close, lasting, loving relationship is communication. Without communication you have nothing. You can have passion but if you cannot communicate with each other you simply have a one sided relationship and that never works. I believed in communication but the man I was married to did not think it was important. We were together almost 20 years and married for almost 15 of those. The lack of communication is what broke us up and because he would not talk before filing for divorce, I would not discuss getting back together. Besides by that time he had moved out of state and I was not interested in moving from a sunshine state to a state where there was snow and ice.
I also believe that you need common goals. If you do not have common goals either short term or long term you are working against each other. You need to be a team. "There is no I in TEAM!" We were always a team or so I thought bu the last 4 years the man I was married to took a job as a cross country truck driver. After the 4 years on the road, he had no interest in getting off the road. I would have liked to have him home, and start a family but he had no interest in giving up his freedom to have a normal life. What it boiled down to was he had no responsibllities like he would have if he was home everyday and he liked that. He no longer even had to water the lawn, feed the dog, or take out the trash because I did all of it for him.
I've enjoyed reading all the happy married couples post. I'd love to marry again so if you happily married couples have a great guy friend or family member who wants a great wife, let me know. Just reading ya'll's post about how happy ya'll are in marriage makes me desire to remarry all the more. 🙂
I was married for 67 years. I am 86...in reasonably good health (held together by my good Doctor with vaious pills) and I lost my husband June 20th, 2018. Then I lost my older son ( who had Schitzophrenia) July 10th, 2018. I am seeing a grief counselor and I am a reasonably strong person, but I did suffer an anxiety attack recently (which brought me to a hospital). Back to the topic...for a good, solid marriage that lights up your life...bury your ego. You are not always right...neither is he! He is as smart as you always knew him to be and so are you. Negotiate the problem with a good attitude!
Always remember the little things. A card, flower or candy for no reason than "Just Because".
Have a date night when you can. Make each other laugh. Ask how their day was. Hug and Kiss goodnight and goodbye. Take her in your arms, look into those beautiful eyes and tell her how great she makes you feel. Remind her that you love and want her but also how much you really need her. Do not go a day without saying I love you. Do the things that brought you together from the start. Always compliment, respect each other and never take for granted.
Every once in awhile, Absolutey blow her mind by going over the top.
For our 25th Anniversary I rented a limo. We went to the first hotel that we ever went to. I took her to dinner at the restaurant where I first said I Love You. I found our florist from our wedding day and had her flowers from her boquet delivered to our table.
Keep the Fires burning.
The wife and I have been together for fortysix years now! What keeps us together ? Lord only knows. In my eyes she is still as beautiful as the day I saw her at Sears and Roebuck. She worked Catalog and I just about did everythng from stock boy, carry out and paint sales. The first seven years we were married I think we were together myabe only a year. You see Viet Nam was going on and I Enlisted in the Navy. Was I crazy? you bet! crazy in love. The guys in the squadron called me a choir boy because when we hit the beach ( liberty) I always stayed true to my love. I'ld see chaseing the women and I just laughed.
After sea duty I found that if I wanted to stay with her I'ld have to change. I started paying attention to the thing she liked doing . From there I attemptd ( and still am ) to like the same things. We are together to this day so I must be doing something right.
Communications, date nights, and humor are all great parts of our lasting relationship. Even all these years later we still whistle at each other and pinch the occasional "goose"! My husband can make me laugh so hard I can barely breath! We have found our strengths in the relation ship: I do finances, he cooks, we both clean. And, separate bedrooms! We still have plenty of intimate time but, boy, do we sleep differently. This keeps us from waking the other. Then we are less grumpy and more rested.
My husband and I are together for 37 years and we are both 56. Compromise, unconditional love, working together on everything inside the marriage, thinking of the other person during your day and bringing home their favorite coffee or tea or snack. Little things mean alot. Being a team especially when raising children. Not expecting the woman to do all the house work or all the decisions on child rearing. Treating her as an equal not as a possession. Respect.
I completely value my wife's opinions and support her in everything she does. we have only been married 1 year but we grow stonger in our marriage everyday. both of us have made a mistake or 2 but forgiveness and understanding is the key to a good marriage, and a good god loving, devil fighting, bible believing church is a good thing too.
I would have to add (to communicating well with each other) that it's also important for you and your partner to have interests and activities TOGETHER and SEPARATELY. "Too much" together time can also be bad for a marriage/relationship.
Some people think too much time together can be bad. Some people think too little time together be bad for a marriage. Some people are apart for long periods of time because of the military and cannot be helped. But when it can be helped, being apart for months at a time is not always real good for a marriage. If you marry knowing that, I think that is different because you are in essence agreeing to it. If it was not like that when you married though, I do not think one partner can expect to be apart from the other partner for such long periods of time. For instance being gone 2 weeks out of a year spread over the whole year is way different than only being home for 2 weeks or less out of a year spread over the whole year.
I totally agree that having separate hobbies or activities are healthy for a couple. My husband loves to mountain bike but I can't due to medical reasons. I love to sew and create. Why should we stop doing things we love just because the other doesn't participate?
My advise is to not stress over the little things, enjoy those relaxing times together and apart.
My husband and I were friends before we were anything else. We laugh a lot together, we enjoy just hanging out with each other. We also share the same field of work, so when he comes home, complaing about something that happened at work, I totally understand. We also have each other's back. Always.