Sex, Sexuality, Intimacy, et al

[MedusaE76171]

I am reticent to bring this up because I noticed that the last thread on the topic of sex was permanently deleted.

I don't know what happened there; maybe peeps were venturing out of the realm of what is mature conversation about a real subject in our lives. 

But, to be clear, what I want to talk about is sex, sexuality, intimacy, etc.  I don't want to share and I certainly don't want to hear about the personal sexual exploits of others'. 

I was thinking more along the lines of how the younger generation seem to be so comfortable with gender fluidity, almost like it's part of their culture.

Or that I am Poly-amorous, what that means and, importantly, what it doesn't.  A lot of people carry understandable misconceptions about Polyamory and I am happy to answer respectful, non-intrusive questions to help clear that up.  For example: Polyamory means, literally, "many loves" not sex with anyone anytime, etc.  See swinging for that, I think.  Not sure. 

If peeps are interested, there is a wonderful site with great FAQ's that I would be happy to share in concert with answering questions.  The reason I offer the FAQ's is that Polyamory comes in many forms, specific to the people involved.

I am fascinated my the non-gender culture that has come into the light in the last several years, young people (I suppose older people too) that do not want to identify as either gender.

Or Asexual people, Aromance, whatever.  There's so much quite literally, "out there," now.

We're old, not dead.  Can't we talk about this?  Does anyone want to?

Oh, Long Distance Relationships, I forgot to mention those.  Another interesting topic, with its own rewards and difficulties, in which to delve.

[MaryC580629]

Since I haven't been active on the community boards, this move doesn't bother me. I know it's hard when an established community is forced to change without its input.

My commnet/quentsion? has less to do with sexuality than intimacy and relationships. At 63, I'm finding it very difficult to meet anyone. It seems that whenever I do come across an attractive man, he's married. I've tried online dating (gag) many times, and although I have met some nice men, I find that it dimishes my spirit rather than nourishes it. I've been divorced for over 10 years now, and while I've adjusted in many ways to being on my own, life would be so much sweeter if shared with a loving parter. Wtih COVID, it seems like it should be a low priority, but I live alone and far from family, and the longing is still there. 

I should add that I've met quite a few men who wanted to have a long-term relationship, but I did not love them. I'm happy to have new friends, but that's not really what I'm looking for. I'm starting to wonder if I should just accept things as they are and not hope for more.

[TwO199940]

Meeting people is never easy and it only gets harder as we age, but as we age we must look for more non traditional ways to meet and greet. The problems in our younger years was always 2 peoples perceptions of the relationships wre always different

[Rhymesometimes]

@MaryC580629  I admire you for being open and vulnerable.  That takes courage and strength.  I was married for 27 yrs., divorced ( he cheated with a married co-work who he eventually married ) The first five years after my divorce, I wasn't interested ( or ready to get out in the dating pool ). Then I joined MeetUp.  They have lots of activities, and different groups of interest you can join.  It was great, because you could go to these different events to meet people without the stress of having jump right into yet another 1st date.  I ended up meet my current husband at one of the first meetups I attended, and we got married in 2020.  Obviously with Covid, this might not be a current option.  But maybe some of the events are virtual. Sometimes it requires creativity.  Maybe a virtual book club. or cooking class.  A hiking group where you could have distancing and masking. Wonder if AARP could set up a group(s) for single people join through zoom to get to meet others.

I totally understand wanting the companionship, and sharing a life with someone.  I wish you all of the best.  

[MaryC580629]

Thank you so much for your kind understanding. I know the dating sites work for many people, but I think a group based on common interests and having fun would be much more comfortable. I think virtual groups are going to become the norm this year. Could be cool - we'll see!  So glad that you found a loving partner with whom to share your life!!!  😊

[Rhymesometimes]

@MaryC580629  Thank you for your kind words. One thing that my hubby and I just started doing, was the AARP Thursday virtual trivia games.  Just something fun on zoom where you have a group of people on your team. Looking into hobbies or other leisure activities could be fun.  I'm pretty nerdy.  Started writing limericks back in May, and have been doing an online limerick contest.  Once each contest is over, I post some of my own submissions on the  Entertainment forum, under Leisure & Lifestyle.   So many things to explore!

[EricC227821]

Another expression of interest. Yay.  Two ideas for starting conversations:

Discuss the affect of the notion of Original Sin as it relates to open, honest, constructive discussions of sexuality.

or

The local Cable TV Company abbreviates Women's Entertainment Television as WETV and assigns it channel 69...Is a person who notices and finds this amusing a pervert?  Is the cable company somehow remiss for not noticing...both...or neither?

[Rhymesometimes]

@MedusaE76171  The topic of sexuality is a fascinating.  I agree that we are on a "grown up" site, and there should be the ability to have grown up conversations!

[MedusaE76171]

I don't understand this move.  I really think this subject matter was appropriately placed under "Lifestyle," rather than "Health."

Also, it would have been nice to be notified that my thread was being moved directly, via PM, out of courtesy. 

[EricC227821]

Interesting topic @MedusaE76171 .  I know young people (in their 30's) who are still sorting out their sexuality and how to express it in a healthy way.  I have never had any doubts about my own personal preferences and I think this leads to me saying or asking things, out of ignorance, that are interpreted as bigitous.  Other people's personal business is theirs as far as I'm concerned, unless they somehow try to involve me.  I am, however, a naturally inquisitive person.  I find that the deeply ingrained taboos and antisocial 'best defence is a good offense' attitude of our culture make these kinds of topics rare and difficult for many to share healthy, meaningful contributions.

I will be stopping in periodically to see what's up with this topic.

[MedusaE76171]

@EricC227821, Hello, Eric and thank you for the reply. 

I tend to agree with you about the difficulty in bridging the age-gap when it comes to this particular topic.  Our own adult children do a lot of cringing at what seem innocent comments on the subject, by my husband and I.

For some of us, generally the older of us, the many forms of sexuality can be a challenging subject. People have an inherent need to "live right," and when things that are strange to them and outside what they understand to the be rules of the current culture, it can cause internal discomfort such that it is easier to simply say, "that's wrong." 

In any event, while I really appreciate your attempt to engage here, I doubt there will be anything for you to check on, especially now that this thread has been moved to (or buried in) an obscure,  inapplicable location.

I found your comment salient and interesting.  Thank you.  🙂

Tamara